


Cat Got Your Tongue

by strideroar



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Biting, Cat John, Cuddles, Cybersex, Dave is okay with this, Fluff, Hickeys, John is a freaking cat okay, Kissing, M/M, catboy, webcam sex mm baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-14
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2017-12-11 21:17:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 68,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/803358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strideroar/pseuds/strideroar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You haven't been telling me much of anything. Will you tell me meow?</p><p>--</p><p>A fic requested by a friend; dedicated to Maki</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Impawsible

**Author's Note:**

> its horrible how much i have no idea what im doing with this i am so sorry about this why is this even a thing  
> just take it and tell me what you think i guess  
> this is my first time writing a fic and i just have no idea  
> so  
> there we go

Your name is Dave Strider, and you feel like you can officially say that finals are the biggest bitch to ever bitch.

You’re walking out of the last final that will ever plague you this year; Physics. You don’t think you failed, but you’re pretty sure you didn’t pass with flying colors. No, all of your colors are strapped down to the ground respectively and they have to deal with staring longingly at the sky of which they are not allowed to fly in. To be honest, you’re a little bummed out by this because Physics was actually your favorite class this year (though you wouldn’t admit this to anyone); the only reason you did kind of shit was because you were worrying about how your best bro was doing two doors down in his AP Biology final. You know that there’s been a history of kids crying as they walked out of that final, and seeing as John hasn’t really been his usual happy-go-lucky self lately, you’re kind of really concerned about how he’s doing.

You decide to stand outside the door and wait for him.

About twenty minutes after you first set-up camp waiting, he finally walks out and you think it wouldn’t be too inaccurate if you said that test sucked out his soul. He seems to walk out in a daze, and he almost even trips over the doorstop. He starts walking away without even acknowledging you (you think he might not have even realized that you were there), and you quickly move to catch up with him as he goes down the hallway like a zombie.

"So bro, how'd you do?"

He jumps and makes this weird sort of noise in the back of his throat before he quickly stops and then just sort of... looks down at the floor and grimaces.

Oh.

"That bad, huh?"

"Shut up," he mumbles as he starts walking again, pulling his beanie down further on his head like he does sometimes.

"Hey bro, I ain't judgin'. I did kinda shit, too." You say, quickly moving to fall into step with him.

"No way, Physics is your best class. You probably aced it." He grumbles to the floor.

You shrug and look out the window to the school garden as you pass by.

"Doubt it."

When you look back, he's frowning even more.

"Dude, come on." You nudge him lightly with his elbow. "We're free from the clutches of the educational system for three whole months now, you're supposed to be cheering and hollering because you didn't get stabbed by Mr. Slick, even after you 'Cage'd his classroom."

John doesn't say anything and just keeps staring at the floor as you walk like he's some kind of kicked puppy.

You sigh and run your hand through your hair as you both stop at his locker so he can get his backpack.

"Look, you'll feel better after you've eaten some doritos and played some mario kart."

He grunts in vague acknowledgement as he picks up his backpack as slings it around his shoulder, shutting his locker with his foot.

He looks at you expectantly for a moment for a reason you just cannot place.

"Aren't you gonna get your stuff?"

Oh, that.

"Oh, that." He raises his eyebrows. "Naw, I took care of that stuff. S'cool."

His eyebrows raise further.

You really hope they don't disappear into his hair.

"I think Bro grabbed my shit."

There they go. RIP, eyebrows.

"Look, I saw him by my locker this morning and I'm not risking it."

John shakes his head and starts walking again.

"Strider's are weird."

\-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

"Okay, would you rather have apple juice, Crush, cheap beer, or ketchup?" You yell out to the living room from where you are currently standing in front of the fridge.

"I'm good," John calls back.

That wasn't right. He was supposed to make a stupid joke about wanting the ketchup or the beer, or even ask why you offered those, or do something more... John-like.

You shut the fridge door and move to peek over the counter and into the living room; John's sitting on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest, head resting against his legs while he hugs them. He tugs on his beanie again and frowns.

"Yo, you sure you're alright?" You ask. He jolts again like he did before at school, and blinks over to you and nods. You watch him carefully for a moment before shrugging it off and walking out of the kitchen to sit over by John.

Who flinches away from you when you sit by him and yeah okay now you are pretty worried about him.

"Dude." He cautiously looks over at you. "What's got you all up in a tizzy, man? You're all jumpy n' shit."

He goes back to hiding his face into his legs.

"John. Bro." You shift closer to put a comforting arm around him for a manly bro-hug, but John pushes  
you away as quickly as he can.

Oh. Right. Okay.

"Okay. Okay, sure. Sorry." You say quickly, your tone maybe a little more hurt than you really would like it to be.

John's eyes widen.

"No-- no, sorry. You just--- you don't understand, you can't-- you shouldn't-- damn it, never mind."

"No dude, what's up. You've been acting out of it for a while now, actually."

"W-well, yeah, it's just-- I've just been, uh, really stressed with finals and, um..."

"It's about your dad, too, right?" You state more than ask. His eyes widen more (almost impossibly), but he quickly blinks himself back to normal and stares down at his feet. He gives a sort of stiff nod before resting his cheek against his knee.

"He's been away a lot lately," He mutters, and you feel something in your chest tighten.

You honestly have no real idea about how to handle John when he's sad. His eyes get all dull and grayish, and he always tends to sort of... curl in on himself. You're an awkward fucking guy when it comes to being actually useful and feels-y, but that small downward turn of his lips just does something to you, and you can't not try and make him feel better.

"I think you need a bro hug." You say firmly. He blinks and looks up at you, his eyes back to being as wide as saucers. He stares at you for a long, long time. It’s kind of like he’s arguing with himself, but he eventually offers you a small smile and nods his head.

“Totally. Lay it on me, dude.”

You give him a smile back and immediately move to pull him into a hug. He’s stiff in your arms for a moment before he completely and totally melts against you, his arms winding around you and hugging you tight. You got to say, this is probably the most tender Tender-Bro-Embrace you’ve ever been apart of, and you are not against it in any way.

John’s arms are quite firm and secure, and he emanates this sort of warmth that’s just so perfect and kind of weird, because he seems maybe a little warmer than everyone else at all times but it’s like, just right for hugging and wow, you are totally thinking about what the right hugging temperature is, and now you’re thinking about how John smells kind of like really fluffy cake, and maybe even sort of like kiwi, but you’re pretty sure that’s his shampoo because you know for a fact that he uses kid shampoos and kiwi is definitely one of those top ten kid shampoo type things and why is John shaking.

“John--” You start to pull back to try and see John’s face, but he makes this low sort of whining sound and now you are both frozen stiff.

It takes you a few moments to fully process what the ever loving fuck just happened because, in all actuality, it kind of makes as much sense as Mary Poppins poppin’ a cap in Mrs. Banks ass; John Egbert, your very best fucking friend whom you’ve known for a great majority of your life, has just tackle-hugged you and is kissing the shit out of your face.

“Joh—”

You’re cut off again, but this time it’s because John just covered your mouth

With his.

That seems to snap him out of his weird whatever-the-fuck-that-was, and he scrambled back from you like you’re on fire. Usually, you’d make some quip about how hot you are and how you’re so hot your cool, etc. etc.

But as of right now you are pretty fucking brain-dead because what the hell just happened.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry, holy fuck, Dave I am so sorry--”

His hands are over his mouth, and he’s pressing against the far side as the couch so much that you can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to melt into it. His face is bright fucking red-- redder than your pesterchum text, even— and he sort of looks ready to cry.

Oh god, if there is one thing you certainly can’t deal with, it’s a crying Egbert.

“—I can’t, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I totally understand if you hate me right now—fuck, I should just go---”

He starts to get up, but the gears in your brain finally start to click back to life and you quickly grab his arm to keep him from moving any further. He stops dead and you take the opportunity to search his face for a moment, and you easily come to the conclusion that he is piss-fucking terrified.

Your instincts take over and you yank his arm so that he falls into you and you start hugging him again. You have no fucking idea what just happened or what it meant, but you do know you care a fuck-ton about John, and you do not like how scared he looks one fucking bit.

He does that thing again where he seems to forget how to breathe and you start rubbing circles into his back to try and calm him down and get his lungs to start working again.

He makes this small, strangled little noise.

“Dude, you got to learn how to chill the fuck out.”

He whimpers and you hug him tighter.

You’re having none of that shit.

He starts to push you away, a panicked sound escaping him as he pushes against your chest-- but you hold him tighter still.

You're having none of that shit.

"D-Dave, no I do-don't--"

"No, not until you calm down."

"I-I-- Dave, please, look, you don't understand--"

"Okay, no, I don't understand. Care to explain?"

John whimpers again, and you can see him biting his lips. His arms around you twitch, almost like they want to hug you tighter but he's holding himself back because he's... scared, maybe?

"Dude. Calm down."

You move a hand carefully to the back of his head, and your other hand starts massaging John's back more intently. John lets out this small, sort of.. cooing noise. He hides himself against your neck. You stay like that for a moment until you feel something press against your neck, something soft and warm and-- John was kissing your neck. Soft, small kisses. Multiple kisses. He was kissing your neck again and again and again and you can't even bring yourself to do anything, you just sort of stop in your tracks but John keeps going. His arms shift around you and he's hugging you more and he's pushing you back and your lying down on the couch with John sitting on top of you and kissing along your neck and sometimes rubbing his cheek against your jaw and you have no fucking idea what is happening but you don't... think you're really against it.

You just have no idea what to do with yourself. Like, do you want to... hug him back? Are you supposed to do anything, or is this more of a 'let John do everything deal,' because you don't think you mind either way. The most pressing question is whether or not you should return the favor with the whole kissing thing because wow you really just don't... jesus, you don't even know anymore.

You do know that John is now kissing along your jaw and making this strange little sound in the back of his throat that seems like he's whining at you to do something, so you quickly get your arms moving again and resume your massaging and he... nuzzles you and... hums and...

This is really nice, actually.

He shifts closer, hands kneading your shirt as he moves his kisses along your cheek. You see his eyes and his pupils are so big, holy shit, they almost completely hide the blue of his irises-- and they're half lidded. And they keep fluttering shut until eventually they stay shut and his hum is really loud and sort of strange sounding, and for some reason your hands shift up to his head and hover over his beanie. His hands respond by creeping up to the sides of your shades and you slowly move your hand down to grab at the end of the beanie and he's grabbing at your shades and you still can't figure out what is happening and why you'relipsarepressedtogetheragain.

And they stay there.

His lips are really soft and warm and they feel really nice against your chapped ones and holy shit.  
Holy shit, you are actually kissing John.

Like, legit. You are kissing back.

Holy. Shit.

Your heart stutters and your hands grip tighter on his hat while his grip tighter around your shades and you can't believe this is happening because holy shit what is happening how did you even get to this fucking point--

Not that you're complaining. Oh no, you are not complaining at all.

The only thing that's confusing you more than the fact that you are kissing John fucking Egbert is the fact that John fucking Egbert is purring.

Yeah, that humming?

You are pretty sure at this point that it's purring.

That's kinda.

Hmm.

Hmm yeah okay that's weird.

Your lips separate finally and you're kind of surprised to find yourself panting a bit because you don't remember being particularly bothered with breathing while you were kissing. Then again, you were kind of focused on the fact that you were kissing in the first place and then you were focused on the fact that John is purring. You're about to make a remark on that fact when he kisses your cheek again, and your mind blanks out. The next thing you know, he's frozen stiff and his beanie, the beanie he wears all the time and never takes off, is in your hands.

And he has cat ears.

Ah, yes. Hmm.

 

Okay, now you think it would be a good time to stop and figure out what the fuck is happening.


	2. Unpurrdictable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wherein dave is chill and john decides he might as well just take it  
> (AKA i still havent figured out what im doing oh lord)

Some part of you really, really wanted to be able to say that they were fake, that John was just pranking you, haha april fools, dave! i got you good.

Except those were real.

They were quivering downwards towards laying flat on his head as his eyes stared wide at you in panic.

They shook when you exhaled.

Unless Gamzee slipped some heavy shit into your lunch, they were definitely fucking real.

 

You find yourself reaching your hand out to touch one, and it flicks away a few times before your fingers finally brush it. The hair-- or fur, you guess-- is really, really soft, and your hand moves forward more so you can very lightly pet it once.

You slowly draw your hand back and return to watching John with wide eyes.

He hasn't moved, really.

But he's shaking.

He is scared shitless.

 

"Egbert--"

He flinches into himself and his eyes squeeze shut so tight you can see crinkles in the corner of them.

 

You clamp your mouth shut.

 

You both stay like that for a moment or two longer before you, tired of seeing John look ready to let loose the waterworks, use your elbows to force yourself upright a little more so you can reach out a hand carefully and (ignoring the way he cowers) place it on his left cheek to guide him to look at you again.

You watch his eyes stare at you cautiously for a moment before your gaze flicks upwards again to his ears.

"So, uh..." You start intelligently. "Cat ears, huh."

You can't even describe the way he looks at you.

"S'pretty... different." You continue, your hand dropping from his cheek.

"Different." He echoes, eyebrows raising.

"Yeah... dif... different."

John lets out a shaky breath, his body seeming to relax... but only just.

"Dave," He starts carefully. He licks his lips before he continues, leaning forward a fraction of an inch. "Dave, I have cat ears."

"Yep. Yep, I saw."

"And all you have to say is that they're... 'different'?"

Your eyes blink from his ears back to his eyes.

"I guess."

"You guess." He stares at you for a long time and leans down a bit further.

"Dave, I kissed you."

"I was there for that, yeah."

"I kissed you and I have cat ears."

"I already know all of this."

"Is this seriously it?"

You blink again.

"What."

"I have cat ears and I kissed you, and you just..." He sits back and raises one eyebrow. "Nothing fazes you, huh?"

"Uh..." You glance back to his ears briefly and give a small shrug. "I guess not?"

"You're completely okay with this, you don't-- does it even count for anything? The ears and the kissing and--"

"Do you want it to count for something?"

You aren't really sure what made you say that, but all the remaining stiffness and caution in John leak out, and he shifts to watching you with wide eyes.

"The kissing," you clarify to yourself and to John. "Do you want it... to mean anything?"

He eyes flicker to your lips before they lock back to your shades (and somehow manage to meet your eyes through them).

"Yeah... I... I think I do?"

"Oh."

Oh.

 

Your eyes shift back to watch his ears, but he quickly ducks his head and his ears angle downwards again.

"B-but, you don't need to-- sorry, you didn't need to know that, I don't... yeah, sorry."

Your about to open your mouth to say something (to be honest, you aren't really sure what), but he interrupts you before you can even start.

"But... seriously? Nothing about the... the ears?"

"I don't see why you're so caught up on the ears, bro."

He looks at you like you just slaughtered his parents and then proceeded to wear his fathers hat and do a jig.

"What? Dude, it's not like anything has changed."

His eyebrows just about skyrocket off his head.

"The only difference right now is the fact that you're not wearing that stupid ass hat for once."

He bats you upside the head.

"Rude. My hat is not stupid."

You grab your head where he hit you and smirk.

"It's pretty fucking stupid."

"YOU'RE pretty fucking stupid."

"Ouch, that hurt. My poor heart, Egbert, you shattered it."

He laughs and your smirk widens against your will into a smile.

You guess you're just relieved to see him laugh again after being so wound up all the time.

... wow, that was pretty fucking gay.

"So, you don't care that I have cat ears?" He finally asks after he's settled down from his laughter.

You roll your eyes.

"Is it really that hard to believe, dude?"

"I have cat ears!" He exclaims, throwing his hands up enthusiastically. You grab his shoulders and shake him in a similar matter.

"I don't care!" You mimic his voice, which causes him to snicker.

"Strider's are weird."

"Is that your catchphrase now?"

"It might as well be," he says exasperatedly. You grin lopsidedly and start to sit up further.

Which is when you realize what position you two are in.

John fucking Egbert, your best friend whom you've known for a great majority of your life and turns out to have cat ears, is straddling you.

You guess John notices at about the same moment you do because his face goes bright red.

But he doesn't make any move to get off of you.

You run your tongue over your teeth before your mouth opens slightly so you can make some sort of witty remark.

"So..." Slips out instead.

"You know how... you know earlier you weren't exactly... you didn't... uh. You know how you were okay with the kissing thing before?" John says, and the way he says it makes it seem almost like he was choking on his words.

"Yeah...?"

"Would you still be okay if I did that again?"

"I don't really--"

"Because I sort of, I sort of really want to?" he blurts out, interrupting you. "I really want to but I swear that it doesn't have to mean anything, it's just-- it's just that I-- how do I explain this?"

He laughs nervously, and you can't help but notice how skittish he's suddenly become.

"The whole cat thing-- there's more to it than just the ears? Because I have some-- wow, this is really weird-- I have some, uh... there are urges? Wait, no that... that could have been worded better. N-not urges, but more like... things that I really want to...? Shit, no okay that's stupid, um..."

You raise your eyebrows to prod him to continue.

"I just have this-- this thing for, like... I need a lot of fucking love and attention, okay? No-- Dave, don't laugh. This is serious. I have serious needs."

"Whatever you say dude," you snicker.

He hits your head again and your snickers break off into full on laughter. His frown doesn't help.

"I could die!" He whines to you, and you spare yourself from your laughter from a moment to give him one of your Looks. He reddens even more and shrinks further in on himself. "Okay, not really..."

You bite your lip to try and keep yourself from laughing more.

"Shh dude, it's okay. Go with your urges."

"Dave, I said they weren't-- wait, really?"

You shrug.

"Sure dude, go with it."

"Go with it?"

"Go with it."

He glances down at where his hands are pressed against your chest, and you watch as his gaze slowly travels upwards back to your face.

It's his own fault when you smirk up at him and he looks about ready to explode because he was totally checking you out.

He mumbles something to himself as he slowly, ever so slowly, leans down so that his face is just inches from your neck.

 

Again.

 

His lips hesitantly press against your skin, and you can't help but split into a giant grin as you wrap your arms up around his waist.

"Any day now, Egbert."

 

He bites you and you guess you sort of deserved that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> requests and suggestions are always helpful so hmu man i can take it


	3. How A-mew-sing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave thinks about stuff and things.

It took you probably a lot longer than it should have to realize that he was watching you. You first noticed about halfway through sixth grade; he sat a few desks down from you in science, and he had asked some sort of complicated fucking question-- you don't remember specifics-- and you, like any normal kid, turned to watch him as he talked. You noticed his gaze flick momentarily over in your direction when he'd finished, but he quickly went down to writing something in his notes. You probably should have been writing something down, too, but you were too occupied by the fact that you swore you saw his eyes flick back over at you multiple times after that.

From then on, it got easier to notice.

In PE, you'd catch him watching you run around a lap and he'd stumble over his feet if you ever gave so much as any indication that you were looking back. You certainly utilized the fact that you wore shades all the goddamn time to sneak looks back at him when his eyes would predictably locked back onto you. It wasn't just PE and Science, either; it was every class you had with him.

To be completely honest, he sort of gave you the fucking heebie jeebies. Creepy Hat Kid was the ingenious name you'd managed to give him. You had always told yourself mentally that you'd change it later, but to be honest you still sort of refer to him as that sometimes.

Curiously enough, though, you found your own curiosity outweighing the fact that this weird-ass kid was watching you practically non-stop. It was the way he'd look at you, all wide-eyed and distant almost, and how when he'd look away he'd always scrunch up his eyebrows and bite his lip, like he was confused.

Yeah, you were pretty fucking confused, too.

But that was it, that was the most interaction you had with him throughout the entirety of sixth grade, and it took half a year into seventh grade until you finally talked to him.

"Yo, sup."

"H-hey, just gonna... sharpen my pencil over... there."

 

It was magical.

 

The first time you had any real kind of social interaction with him was actually a week or so after that, when you were just hanging down by your locker and getting your shit so you could go home and most likely play shitty video games and pass out. You had been slinging your backpack around your shoulder when suddenly Creepy Hat Kid bolted into you and sent you both sprawling out onto the floor in the almost empty hallway. You gave yourself about ten seconds before you moved, but Creepy immediately tried to scramble upright and apologize to you before he most likely would dash off further down the hall. You see, the problem was that when he started to stand up and the first syllable of his apology left his lips, he tripped on his shoelace and fell flat on his face. You were really tempted to laugh, especially at the groan he let out against the tile floor, but you kept it in and moved over to where he fell, leaning in just a bit as you asked if he was okay.

He had turned his face so that his cheek rested against the cold floor, and started to mumble some sort of reply when you both were interrupted by shouting, and you swear his eyes practically turned into plates they got so big. He hurried to get himself up enough to hide behind you, and suddenly you found yourself kneeling on the floor and surrounded by possibly the most generic looking bullies you've ever seen. You like to claim that this was simply an ironic way to meet your best friend, instead of focusing on the fact that you were maybe a little intimidated by them. I mean for fucks sake, you were only a seventh grader, and these eighth graders looked like the kind of kids who ate falcon eggs and rocks.

You, being a Strider and therefore a badass, had slowly stood without a single change of expression. They, being generic-ass bullies, had glared at you.

Creepy Hat Kid, being a kid who was kinda creepy and happened to always wear a hat, had shook like a leaf.

"Hey guys, what's up?" You'd said, absolutely not worried about the way that one dude in the back just cracked his knuckles.

"This little shit right here fucking hit me." The eighth grader with a five o'clock shadow had replied.

Yeah wow, you were definitely not nervous at all.

You turned to look at the cowering figure behind you, who squeaked and only just managed to keep himself from falling again. You raised your eyebrows at him to ask if he had actually hit the dude (because you know, who needs to use words all the time, right?), but he only cast his eyes down to the floor, scuffing his feet slightly.

"He touched my hat," he muttered to no one in particular. Your head swung back to the crowd that surrounded you.

"Yo, you touch his hat?" You asked, jerking your chin up because fuck you are smooth.

"Yeah, but that doesn't exactly warrant him to hit me in the fucking face--"

"Woah now, I think you gotta stop using all these big words before you start hurting yourself."

Sometimes, you really wish you didn't have to be such a smart ass.

"The fuck did you just say to me, you piece of shit?"

That was not one of those times.

"You gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself, as they say down in the hood." You reply helpfully.

The bully guy-- let's call him Travis, since you can't seem to remember a name-- huffed and shifted his weight from his right foot to his left, and he most definitely clenched and unclenched his fists. Multiple times.

"Look, just move outta the way so I can make this even."

"'Make this even'? Aw, dude, come on. That's fucking predictable and lame, give it more gusto."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You know like, 'I'm gonna KO that son of a bitch'. Be creative. Use your imagination. Say you're gonna 'wipe the floor with his face', or maybe you're just gonna whomp him or something."

The look of confusion that dawned across Travis's face was beautiful, and a picture you are happy to keep framed in your mind.

It was definitely worth the nervous shuffling behind you. Definitely.

"Yeah... sure, I'm gonna whomp the shit outta him. Better?"

"Yes."

"You gonna move now?"

"Nope."

Thinking about it logically, the way the pack of eighth graders shifted after that would have made any normal human being shit themselves.

You are a Strider.

You raised your eyebrows.

"Move the fuck away before I change my mind about not hitting you."

"Well fuck dude, if you wanted to hit on me you coulda just gone and outright and done it. I do have a soft spot for the witless, hulking type."

That, apparently, had crossed a line. Travis had decided that he would indeed like to fuck your face, except his weapon of choice was his fist.

You didn't flinch (despite the beginnings of a sound of protest from behind you), and that apparently threw little Travie way off, as his fist had paused inches from your face.

"Y'know, it'd be a shame." You'd said, shrugging your shoulders slightly as your hands crammed into your pockets. "A beautiful face like this, and you're just gonna go and mess it up-- you'd be making a lot of people very upset."

Travis-- bless him-- started to growl. You bit back the urge to grin as you shrugged your shoulders even more and sighed exasperatedly up to the ceiling.

"Oh yeah. Yeah, lots of people..." Your eyes had glanced down to Travis, and you may or may not have let your lips quirk upwards just slightly. "Bro would be pissed."

You knew there were some pretty fucking nasty rumors floating around about Bro, but you have never seen eighth graders book it as fast as little Travie and his gang did that day.

You found yourself having to hold back another laugh as you turned around to deal with the quivering mess that was Creepy Hat Kid.

"You okay?"

He spluttered and nodded quickly, tugging his hat down further onto his head. You had gone to sling your backpack back around your shoulders when you heard a faint sound, and you turned around to see Creepy Hat Kid saying something under his breath.

"What?"

He jumped-- fuck, was he skittish-- and blinked up at you and yep, his eyes were still like fucking plates.

"Oh, uh, I just... I was just, um... th..." He inhaled deeply before giving you a nervous twitch of a smile. "Thank you."

You shrugged.

"No problem dude, it was fun."

He gave you this funny sort of look, but you shrugged that off too as you had started to make your way down the hall. When he didn't follow, you turned around and gave a sharp jab of your head to show him to follow along, to which he responded with a squeak before he scurried up next to you.

He seemed to like tugging down on the hem of his shirt. He was awfully skittish and shy and kind of just fuck-all weird.

"Did you actually hit him?" You had asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

He gave you a sheepish smile.

 

He was fuck-all weird, but you think that's why you decided you liked him.

 

From that point on you and Creepy Hat Kid casually said hi to each other in the hallways, even hang out by your lockers and talked.

You even found out his name at one point and that, my friends, was on account of your smooth ass Strider moves.

And it only took you a year and a half to get to that point.

And you totally didn't only know his last name for the longest time because that's all they called him in PE and every other class. It totally didn't take you two weeks after that to learn his first name. And you totally, 100% did not keep referring to him as Egbert a majority of the time just because you didn't want to hint to how much of an asshat you were because you were too embarrassed to ask for his name since he already knew yours.

You and John had started talking more, hanging out more, and you definitely got to know him when that big Science project paired you two together. He was apparently pretty decent at Biology, you learned. He learned not to fuck with you in Physics. Everyone learned you both kicked ass when you were stuck together.

A+, bitches.

You had quickly learned the sacredness of the hat, and that it did not come off ever.

He learned the shades were a similar matter.

You understood each other enough to stick side-by-side up to where you are now, at the end of your Sophomore year.

You worked together. Balanced each other out. Best friendship you've ever fucking had because you didn't need to explain much to him, he just sort of got you and you just sort of got him. Yeah, sure, the cat ears sort of threw you off balance, but only for about ten seconds.

He hadn't changed because of them, they were just there. He was still John.

That's all that matters.

John is John.

And John is kissing your neck and purring and kneading at your shirt.

That really should seem more off to you than it does, but fuck it just feels... right.

Except you don't know what to do with yourself besides holding him around his waist, you're just kind of there. You do sort of extend your neck a little, turn your head to the side, give him more access to appease his cat-like whatevers.

And you just don't really know how to feel about any of this because you don't care that he has cat ears, you don't care that he has cat needs or whatever-the-fuck-they-are, but you really, really just have no fucking idea about where you stand on the fact that he kissed you.

Your lips are still tingling for fucks sake.

But is it a good or bad tingling, you're trying to rationalize. Not bad, you don't think. If it was bad, you'd probably have shoved him off of you by now or something but... was it good?

Do you like the fact that John Egbert kissed you?

You've both been through a lot of shit together, you've kind of never let each other go as soon as you slammed together. You care for him a lot, you're happiest when he's happy, but does that mean that you like him like that? Fuck, how do you even begin to sort this shit out. Emotions are hard to understand all the time, how were you supposed to figure out stuff like this?

Maybe if you just sort of thought about it from a Karkat standpoint...

Question 1: does your heart skip a beat whenever he smiles?  
Question 2: do you find yourself sighing a lot whenever you see him?  
Question 3: do you want to hold his hand?  
Question 4: does his laugh make you want to laugh?  
Question 5: do you want to kiss him back?

Do you... want to kiss him back?

Your eyes glance down to where he's kissing at you, and you're struck with how content he looks. How happy he is. Well, okay, the purrs probably should have tipped you to that, but holy shit he looks ecstatic. He likes kissing you and hugging you and kneading at your shirt and doing that thing were he nuzzles against you and you think you like it when he does that, too.

Your eyes travel across his face, from his eyes to his nose and then down to his

lips.

 

If your heart is anything to go by, you would say yes, yes you do want to kiss him and fuck those lips kind of just look really inviting.

There seems to be something lodged in your throat, so you swallow and force your attention back to the ceiling.

You think you just realized you have a thing for your best fucking friend.

You think you just realized you have a thing for your best fucking friend while he was kissing your neck and nuzzling against you and purring and why the fuck is none of this tipping you off like it would a normal person.

John stops, and you finally notice how stiff you had become. He glances up at you all curious and innocent, and his ears even flick downwards slightly. He cocks his head to the side, watching you in confusion before a thought visibly flits across his mind and he blushes fiercely and sits up.

He probably thinks he's crossed a line, that you're upset with him, that you're creeped out--

"Shit, was it too much? S-sorry, okay, that was admittedly a pretty weird thing to-- to ask of you, like, 'hey Dave, can I just k-kiss all up your neck' and I just sort of-- g-god, okay this sounds stupid, sorry, I didn't mean to do an-anything that might-- f-fuck, look, sorry--"

Yep, he's already rambling off apologies. You can't bring yourself to interrupt him by saying anything because your mouth doesn't seem to be working properly.

So obviously you try to kickstart it by shoving it against his.

He makes this adorable surprised sound against your mouth, and you respond my migrating your hands up to tangle into his hair, by his ears.

He seems to really like that, considering the way he melts against you and starts kissing you back.

You seem to really like that, considering the way your heart starts to tap dance in your fucking chest.

This is... your first proper kiss, actually. It's certainly not smooth considering neither of you really know what the fuck you're doing, but you're just going with it. Lips shoved against lips right? Not all that hard.

John's eyes are closed and his grip on your shirt is tightening and you see a small twitch in his eyebrows before he takes your bottom lip in his mouth and begins to suck and you probably would be worried about that stupid little sound you just made if it weren't for the fact that John just growled.

His eyes snap open and he pulls back slightly, cheeks flushed brightly as you just sort of stare at him, a little lost for breath because hot fucking damn.

You want to ask him what that growl was about. You also want to know why you won't be fazed by any of this like a normal person.

But then you realize that oh yes.

You are a Strider.

 

You raise your eyebrows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure how i feel about this one  
> i dont know you tell me


	4. Crossing Fe-line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John shows off his dominance side, and Dave realizes that he truly is a delicate flower that actually needs a committed relationship  
> well okay he realizes it but he doesn't exactly admit it
> 
> what am i writing.

Something in the mood has changed. You can't really figure out what, but you can tell it's different.

You both sort of just look at each other for a moment. Or maybe it was longer than a moment. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that John, after however fucking long you two were staring at one another, eventually closes his eyes and swallows.

"Dave," he whispers, and you feel like your mouth is really, really dry all of the sudden.

"Yeah, John?" You manage, and you distantly wonder why you're whispering, too.

And then his lips are back against your neck and you are definitely being effected by this much more than you were ten seconds ago. He's moving slower. That shouldn't make such a big difference, but your legs have turned to something akin to jell-o because of that.

"You probably shouldn't have done that." He mutters against you, and you find your breath stuttering.

You suddenly have lost the ability to move.

"Damn it, Dave. I was doing so well." He says, barely loud enough for you to hear.

His breath is puffing right against your jaw, you can feel it and it's hot and it's there and why are you so aware of how close he is now.

He feels almost like a completely different person all of the sudden. Who the fuck are you trapped underneath.

"What do you... what... do..." You trail off because John's lips on your jaw have sucked the rest of the words out of you.

You are incapable of speech.

Well... this is a first.

You shut your eyes and force out a breath before carefully peaking out and glancing down at John.

His eyes are trained on you and you both just sort of pause everything for a moment to stare at each other again.

But then he _smirks_.

You have never seen John smirk. Hell, you thought it was physically impossible for him to smirk, like that was blocked out by some weird ass Egbert gene or something, but he's doing it right now, right at you, and you think you know why he's never smirked before in his life because god _damn_ you think you just stopped breathing altogether.

And then he's back to the kissing, and you are really starting to wonder why one stupid kiss on your stupid neck has turned you all mushy (that kiss wasn't stupid you're stupid oh jesus you're already arguing with yourself calm down it's okay, keep breathing).

His lips are quickly trailing up along your jaw, right by your ear. His breath makes you shudder.

"Can you honestly not tell when a cat's in heat?"

 

You think you choked on air.

 

Cool.

Cool, that's a thing that just happened. That's a thing he just said. He just said that thing he just said that and you think you understand what he's getting at, oh you have got to be shitting me, is that why he's been so out of it? Is that-- no, but that's not a thing. That-- how the fuck could he--

"Isn't it just-- I thought it was just females?" You splutter, and you can't even begin to mentally berate yourself for letting your voice crack like that and for sounding so nervous because John clamps his teeth down on your neck and you don't even know what type of sound you just made, but you are blushing like a kawaii ass anime schoolgirl right now oh god stop.

The fact that he starts kissing where he bit almost immediately afterwards makes you close your eyes because you think your brain is shutting down and the stress of trying to process the information of imagery is making everything spin.

"I'm an entirely new subspecies of human, Dave. My hormones act differently than yours. That was rude of you to suggest I'm a girl. I expect an apology."

"If this is... if this is just hormones and it happens every year or annually or whatever the fuck, how come... how come I haven't noticed this before?" You manage. Fuck yeah, you can talk.

Until he bites you again and your head dips back a bit as you bite your lip to keep yourself from making any more stupid sounds, because honestly those things are not helping you at all.

"Where's my apology." Holy shit, how is this even Egbert right now?

You glance down at him and he's staring expectantly back at you, and his eyes look different from before. They seem to glint with some sort of dominance or oh fuck no, you didn't just think that and that didn't just make you blush more, shit.

Shit.

"Sorry."

Shit.

"Sorry for what?" He challenges and oh _fucking shit_.

"Sorry for questioning your manhood." You try.

He bites you again and you gasp slightly in surprise, and your face definitely did not grow warmer. No, not at all.

"Sorry for being stupid." You say quickly, and nope you kind of didn't mean to say that at all, but

But John stops biting and you can feel him smile against you before he kisses you lightly and you are starting to hear his purrs even better now and god, you wish you would stop noticing how close he is because you were totally fine with this before but now oh fuck what is he doing by your ear what is he doing--

"Came early." He is _nibbling on your fucking ear holy shit_.

"W-what?" You splutter.

"Before, when you asked why you didn't notice before. It came early." He chuckles lightly. "God, don't be a perv."

"That's a bullshit answer." You mumble, barely loud enough to hear.

Hear. Haha. Like you could hear anything over the sound of the blood pulsing obnoxiously loud in your ears. Besides John. Because John is kissing and nibbling on your ear, did you mention that? Because that is a thing that is currently happening.

Considering how close John is to your ears, you wonder if he can hear your pulse, too. You suppose those cat ears could probably pick out the sound pretty easily.

John has cat ears. John has cat ears and is in some weird ass cat heat and is nibbling on your ear. Holy shit.

_Holy shit_.

 

The entire situation just clicked into place in your brain and oh, fucking hell.

 

"You caught me." He says quietly into your ear, and you are so fucked. You are so. Fucked. "You just keep making it harder--"

"Oh my god, you chose to say it like that on purpose, didn't you?" You say quickly, and you can't help but wonder how you became the flustered one so fast.

Oh yeah, when you kissed your horny best friend.

Oh.

Yeah.

He chuckles quietly beside you, and you think you're blushing even more. Shit.

"Really, Dave? Are you just trying to ignore that I--"

"Have a massive erection for me, yes Egbert, I know." You interrupt him again, your tongue running off ahead of you.

"Good, that means I can just skip right to business."

 

What.

 

"John." You don't even want to take the time to wonder how you managed to get his name to sound so fucking shaky when it's only one syllable.

He sits back and looks down at you, cocking his head to the side and sighing.

"This is exactly why you shouldn't have kissed me. The ones before were on accident, they were small... Dave," He leans forward again and you have never in your life been intimidated by John, and you never thought you would be, but oh god you think his eyes are burning holes through your shades. "I am horny as fuck, and you just came along and kissed me, offering yourself up... Do you understand why that was a bad idea now?"

You also never thought you'd ever had so much trouble breathing, but you almost feel like you don't even have lungs anymore at this point.

He growls slightly and his teeth bare and his eyes glint again and you swear you can't even comprehend the notion of oxygen right now.

"Do you understand?" He says again, and you know for a fucking fact that his voice wasn't so low before. And so demanding. And how do you reply when you can't breathe.

You try nodding quickly, like an overly eager puppy or something.

He doesn't like that one fucking bit, judging by the way he growls again, louder, and leans close enough so that your noses are almost touching.

"Do--you--under--stand." He growls, and woah his voice managed to get even deeper.

Hahahahahahahahahaha you're so fucked.

"Y-yep, totally, wow that was a stupid th-thing for me to do. Sorry about that, won't happen again." You nervously blurt, cringing at your own stutters.

"Good," he says as he leans back, his voice softer much softer than before. You wish his eyes would ease up, too, because they are honestly really fucking intense right now and are kind of making you uncomfortable in maybe too many ways. "You shouldn't go and do stuff like that and just expect me to always be able to control myself. I wasn't lying when I said you make this very, very difficult for me, Dave."

He watches you for a moment before he gives you that fucking smirk again, and he leans back down to place a kiss lightly on your cheek (which didn't heat up anymore or anything like that you can go fuck yourself).

He shifts a little and now you are very, very aware of something being pressed against you _holy shit_ \--

"But you know you should buy a lady a drink first, right, you know, shouldn't just kinda rush into it and just lean said lady over a table and just kind of f-fuck her senseless haha yeah, let's not do that thing I just described because you know, the lady might actually want to be in a relationship beforehand or something, and maybe the lady doesn't want to just do, like, senseless fucking or whatever, and I'm not saying that I'm the lady or anything because that's stupid, but I'm just saying that maybe you should readjust your dick because I am feeling very uncomfortable right now."

Your voice certainly did not squeak upwards and you definitely did not rush all of that out in a panic.

"And hey, not saying anything against you dude, just saying that maybe we should respect this lady or whatever, I don't know, just sort of putting this out there into the open, you know, just kinda... kinda... dude, don't look at me like that."

John leans his head against your shoulder and you can feel him shaking, so he's either crying or--

"Pfft, holy shit, Dave!"

\-- laughing.

Well, fuck everything.

"Fuck you, dude, how the hell do you expect me to talk when Sergeant Stiffy is pushing all up into my fucking belly button. That is a sensitive area, you fuckwad."

"Jesus Christ, Dave, I can't believe you--"

"Not to fucking mention the fact that you've been, like, talking to me all lewd and shitt or whatever the fuck-- no, fuck you, don't laugh."

"You're so smooth, I can't help it."

"Du-- shut up. No, I said-- shut up. Fuck you with a balloon poodle."

John stops suddenly and whips his head up, an eyebrow raising.

"Would you?"

It sort of feels like your face gets thrown into the sun or something. You shove him back and he starts laughing again.

"This is fuckin' ridiculous." You grumble, turning your eyes over to the tv on the other side of the room because, for some reason, that seems really interesting right now.

"Oh, now you say this is ridiculous. Couldn't've said that back when you saw my cat ears, could you? Jesus, Dave, you're doing this all wrong."

"Dude, what? The cat ears were not getting all up in my business without even having the decency to light some goddamn candles, I mean come on dude, where the hell is your class?"

"Wait," he tries to calm down the crazy grin on his face, but he fails significantly as he leans back towards you again, and yes this tv is very, very interesting. "Are you serious? Dave, are you saying--"

"No, fuck you, who's saying anything? Words, man, they're just an illusion--"

"-- That you want to be romanced like a--"

"-- Nope, lalalala, if I can't hear you, you're not talking--"

"-- Like a--"

"-- If you say anything related to National Treasure, Ghost Busters, and especially fucking Con Air, I am getting up and I will leave my own goddamn apartment."

He laughs even more and you swear to god, you are really tempted to punch him in the face before you ollie out of the fucking window.

"No, but... are you serious?" He finally manages through his laughter, and you swear to god this tv is just fucking hypnotic or something.

"Well, no, I mean it's not like I... I mean, pfft, fuck no, I don't... I don't need that namby pamby romantic..."

Your eyes betray you as they drift back to John, who's watching you in amusement and he is still sitting on top of you, that proud asshole.

"... well... No, I don't need to... I... maybe...?" You mutter, barely loud enough to even be heard by yourself.

John starts laughing even more and you know what, fuck those super hearing cat ears.

You're starting to fantasize about the couch swallowing you whole. Yeah, that sounds nice. Let's do that.

"Okay." John says suddenly, grinning like the idiot he is. You blink.

"What."

"I said, 'okay'. I'll do this the way you want to do this, you massive homo."

"N-- hey, says the dude with his spam porpoise violating my goddamn bellybutton."

He gives off another short laugh as he paps your cheek lightly, and you are really tempted to swat it away because fuck him and his stupid laughter and stupid cat hormones and stupid everything.

"Shh. I'm gonna romance you so hard, Dave Strider. Prepare your romantic anus."

"Ew, gross. You suck at this." You grumble, shoving him lightly again as he snickers.

He finally shifts off of you, and you quickly use your elbows to force yourself upright as he shifts back to the other side of the couch, and it sort of feels like the mood has shifted with you. It feels normal again.

"So... do you really wanna do this?"

Okay, you spoke too soon.

You freeze halfway through sitting up and glance over at him as you raise your eyebrows at the sudden question.

"Like... be a thing. With me. Because I like you a lot--"

You snort because yeah, you kinda figured, after having his meat trombone press against you to say hello to your fucking navel.

"-- And I have for a while--?"

Well... well, okay, that's a new one. How long does 'a while' dictate, anyways? He continues before you can ask.

"-- And, you know, going by the fact that you kinda kissed me and stuff, and weren't like, against me all kissing and hugging you and whatever, you like me too? And if you really need something more romantic--"

Well hey now, wait a fucking second there--

"-- N-not that! Not that I'm just saying this because of some stupid... stupid sex drive or whatever, I do like you. Like, like-like you. I do. I mean, I guess I was just thinking? I mean, I just-- I might-- well, I don't know, this is kinda the first time it's been so... intense, I guess? I mean, hot fucking _damn_ , Dave. I kind of want to slap you for kissing me earlier because I honestly-- ugh, okay, never mind. Look, just--"

"John, breathe."

He gives off a breathless chuckle as he runs his fingers through his hair. Kind of funny how he just snapped back to normal after all of that... whatever that was before.

"Sorry, I just-- fuck, dude." He laughs again. You take pity on him and try and help him out.

"Well, I mean yeah? I guess I'd be okay with being a thing with you."

His eyes grow wider and his ears perk up and okay, you will allow yourself to admit that that is kind of really cute.

"Wha-- really? Like, honestly? Dude, has every weird thing about me that's just been revealed kinda just phase through you or something?"

"Dude, I thought we went over this, it's all chill. You're still a huge nerd no matter how weird you are." He kicks you and your lips twitch upwards slightly, but only because he seems a little unsure and you wanna give him some assurance of the fact that you genuinely wouldn't be all that apposed to being a thing, and that you do not give a single shit about how weird or different he is. Well that, but that also was a really John thing for him to do and you really like it when he does John things.

That was a stupid thing for you to just think, you'll make sure to slap yourself for that later.

"And I mean, to be honest I guess I'm still a little confused as to how I feel about you." You pipe up suddenly. "I mean I like you and stuff, but I don't really know how much? Or how long this has been a thing, either... you know, shit like that."

His ears flick downwards slightly at that.

"You have to be sure enough, though. I mean-- dude, I'm serious, you can't just sort of... walk into this or whatever. I honestly-- I mean, I can't really--" It kind of sounds like he's battling with his own tongue to form the right words, and you are close to let out a short snicker when he finally manages, "I really just can't resist you all that well, okay? I got it bad."

You feel like such an ass for this, but that just makes you want to laugh more.

"I don't really know how this works all too well, seeing as I'm alone in all of this, but you have this... uh, this smell I guess? I don't know how to describe it, but it's like... it's really strong and it... it attracts me to you? It honestly just confuses the crap out of me, because I don't really know what it is, but it just... yeah."

"So wait," you finally push yourself completely upright. You see an opening, and hells yeah, you're gonna take it. "Basically, I have this irresistible smell, you can't help yourself around me... is this like some really shitty remake of Twilight?"

John glares at you and kicks you again. You grin back at him as you retaliate with a kick of your own.

"Oh, Edward, ooh--"

"Shut up."

"You always know just what to say to a lady, Edward. You saucy, saucy fiend--"

"You're gross. Why do I even like you. You're stupid and gross."

"Edward, don't say such dirty things. You will get me aroused, which is simply not allowed as it will interrupt my busy schedule of teenage angst."

"How many times have you even seen those movies, Dave?"

"Not enough." You sniff. "But the books were better anyways."

He snorts and your lips quirk upwards once again.

He nudges you with his foot.

"You didn't answer me, though."

You blink at him before you remember that oh yeah, he was trying to talk to you about serious stuff before.

You give yourself a moment to consider.

John.

John wants to be with you in a thing. You would not mind being in a thing. If you and John are in a thing, John would eventually not be able to resist himself (you don't blame him) and need to do the do. Are you willing to do the do with John if you were a thing?

You are such a fucking idiot. Why does your thought-process sound like that.

You... guess you would be okay with it? Maybe? I mean, it would definitely help if it wasn't just instantly his ding-dong up your booty hole (mental note to slap yourself twice). You would genuinely enjoy actually being together with John, you suppose. It doesn't seem bad at all. And maybe, after you spent more time with him, got to know him a little better past bro-ship or whatever, then... you wouldn't mind being all... intimate and stuff.

Your thoughts are stupid and you should most definitely feel stupid for thinking them. You do. Mission accomplished.

"Yeah, I would like for us to be a thing. I guess." You finally mutter.

He lights up like a Christmas tree-- actually no, fuck that analogy, he looks even brighter.

He may have just blinded you with his fucking teeth.

"Really?" He asks, all happy and cutesy wootesy, and you decidedly choose to ignore that you just described him as cutesy fucking wootesy.

"Really." Your mouth is actually hurting from you trying not to grin back at him in an equally as stupidly happy manner because that smile is just doing shit to you.

"Really, really?"

"Really, really, really."

"I'm very needy." He warns you teasingly. Your grin splits across your face as you reply.

"Hey, who says you were getting the easy end of the deal. I'm expecting flowers every day. Because I'm worth it."

He snickers as his feet start nudging gently against yours. Your feet nudge back. The cycle is endless.

"You're stupid." He says fondly. You smile at your intertwined feet as your toes curl around his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 50 kudos  
> how  
> what  
> wherewhenwho  
> no  
> stop oh my god  
> i had so many problems writing this chapter because it's all so out of place but i didn't know what to do and i'm just so worried about disappointing all of you because i love you all so much goodness gracious i am gomen,,,,,


	5. You've Got to be Kitten Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thomas the tank engine was a great show

After all of that, things go back to... almost normal.

 

You both somehow end up leaning off of the couch upside-down with your heads pressing against the floor as you narrate the deep metaphorical meaning behind Thomas the Tank Engine, which is playing on the tv at an admittedly louder than necessary volume. John is flailing is arms around more than he really needs to, talking about how the faces on the trains are actually projections of the creators inner self. You aren't really paying much attention to what he's saying, you're much more fascinated with the way his ears press out flatly against the floor, twitching every so often and causing some locks of black hair to twitch as well.

He's making some stupid motion with his arms that make it look almost like he's trying to use them to imitate a fish flopping around on a dock. His eyebrows furrow for a moment and his arms drop, before he glances at you and grins momentarily, saying something else and then turning to the tv and laughing. You don't really know why, but you kinda just wanna reach out and... touch his face. Your arm starts to shift slightly to do just that, but he turns back to you and you stop yourself. You're thankful for that, seeing as you wanting to do that in the first place was kind of weird and just seriously what the fuck.

John's eyes light up for some reason, and his head turns just a little to give you more attention.

"You know, you really do have the cutest little itty bitty dimples, Dave." He says, voice bubbling as he laughs.

You immediately stop smiling and turn your attention back to the tv, doing your best to try and suppress the heat growing in your cheeks.

Fucking dimples. There's a reason you try not to smile so much.

He laughs a little more before he tries to muffle it with his hands.

"Dave, don't be so self conscious--"

"I'm not self conscious, Jesus fucking Christ..."

He laughs even more and you are suddenly filled with the desire to hide your face, but goddammit you're stronger than that.

You stare determinedly at the tv.

"You are so self conscious! Look at you, you're all kawaii blushu blushu."

"Just shut up and watch the goddamn tank engine."

"Aww, lil Davey getting all cutesy wootsey over his dimpy-wimples." John croons in the stupidest baby voice you've ever had the misfortune of hearing. You kick your feet against his and he breaks off into snickers.

"Are all cat-people assholes, or are you just a special little flower?"

"I'm the only one, as far as I know." He says after a moment, suddenly quiet and somber. You immediately regret saying anything.

"Your dad...?" You venture, because you're a dick and you can't just drop it.

"Found me as a baby." He says, giving a weird upside-down shrug. "Classic sort of baby in a cardboard box in an alleyway sort of deal. Except I guess... the ears and tail sort of threw him off a bit."

Wait.

Hold up.

"You have a... wait, there's a tail, too? Like, you have the whole-- you have a-- shit, dude, how do you even manage to hide that?"

He blushes slightly and looks away from you, arms winding around his skyward legs.

"Um, well...? It, uh... It's actually not that... hmm."

"Do you just sort of shove it in your pants? Does it run down your leg? Dude, there are so many dirty jokes I could be making right now. Look at me, I'm being really polite about all of this."

"I don't really have to... have to... uhh... this is, haha, this is really hard to explain?"

"Can you show me?" You ask quickly. Hey, who could blame you? His response alone was enough to pique your interest.

"No!" He blurts before he catches himself. "I mean... uh... n... no? I..."

"You gotta show me now; what's up with your tail?"

"Nothing is up! Nothing at all!"

"Don't make me do this by force. This could potentially become very, very awkward." 'Again' you add mentally.

"You wouldn't." He says, abject horror ringing in his voice.

"You underestimate me. A very unwise move, grasshopper."

"Dave. No."

"Show me your tail, or I'm going for your pants."

His face goes bright red. You give yourself a mental pat on the back for a job well done.

He watches you for a moment before turning back to watch a grumpy ass train grumble on about some bullshit about how jealous he is of blah blah blah yeah you don't care.

"No."

You're way too busy wrestling John to pull down his pants to care.

You both fall from your weird, upside-down half-perch on the couch and land with a dull thump on the floor, almost instantly entangling your bodies as you push and pull. His legs push up against your lower torso, and you retaliate by forcing your body forwards onto him and quickly fighting your hands down to his pants. He squeaks before he starts to hiss and his hands go to your shoulders and shit, you can feel his claws. He has claws. They like, come out of his fingers and retract and everything.

Good to note.

Your fingers fumble for a moment at his pants before you get a grip, and he makes this sort of distressed sound before you spin him onto his stomach and yank his pants downwards and you are met with Egbert's ass.

Oh, and a little ball of fluff twitching agitatedly. His ass, though.

You only then realize that wow, you just jumped John and yanked down his pants.

Achievement unlocked (oh god, shut up).

"So, are you part bunny too, then, or...?"

John makes a strangled sound before he turns his head out, and wow his face is really red.

"Dave, get off!"

"This is seriously the cutest little tail I've ever seen. Look at how little it is, holy shit."

"No. Shut up. You're a dick. Look, I just... I'm a bobtail."

"You're a bobtail."

"I'm a... bobtail."

There's a pause, and you distantly hear the credits for the tv show going off behind you.

"Dave, can you get off me so I can pull my pants up again?"

"Nah. I think I'm digging the view here."

"Dave!"

"Whatever, stubs."

"Stubs?"

"'Cause of your stubby ass tail."

His face flares even brighter.

"Shut up! Just... dude, off."

"You telling me to ease off the ass, Egbert? I don't know if I can do that. Kinda asking a lot from me."

"Dave, don't even. Remember when I talked to you earlier about the thing?"

"The thing."

"Yes, the... The thing." He looks even more flustered than before. You didn't realize that was even possible. He deserves a medal for that. "The thing I told you about before!"

"Help me out here; you've told me many a thing before this point in time."

John makes a frustrated sound of defeat and shoves his face into the carpet, groaning in what you are pretty sure is embarrassment before you hear a muffled, "Dave, I'm in heat."

Oh. Right.

That thing.

 

Uh... Oops?

 

"You're a pretty big airhead for a coolkid, you know."

You slap the back of his head. "Fuck you."

"You aren't denying it, you know you're a ditz."

"M'not a goddamn ditz, you're the ditz."

"Oh really, Captain Forget-Everything-Important?"

You snort and sit back a bit. "Wow, that was solid."

"Shut up, my point is still valid. Get off me. Stop staring at my ass."

"I'm not staring at your ass, I have more class than that."

You were staring at his ass. 

No regrets.

"Dude, move your ass off of my ass before I cut off your dick."

"Woah now, kitty got claws."

"Dave, I'm serious. Get off."

"Why, you embarrassed or something?"

"Dave."

"You are though, aren't you? It's okay man, you got a nice ass."

"Dave."

"Egbert, your stunted tail is twitching more than a hummingbird on speed."

"Yeah, I wonder why that is." His fingers curl into the carpet. "Dave, get off."

You should have gotten off of him. You definitely should have.

Instead, you're fingers are moving to curl carefully into the ball of fur on John's behind and holy shit, that is soft.

"Dave, what the fuck are you doing."

"Your tail is soft as fuck, John. It's like that fur behind a cats ear, like right behind a cats ear, and it's really soft and fluffy and stuff. It's softer than a goddamn bunny, Jesus Christ, do you just like, sit your ass down in fabric softener or something every day, why is that so fucking soft."

"Dave, remove your hand from my tail and get off of me."

"Holy shit wait, you have cat ears. John. John, you have cat ears. Do you have that soft fur behind your ears too? Oh my god, John."

"Dave, Jesus Christ, stop."

Your fingers are already moving to his head, and he's trying to duck to get away from you. It doesn't really work, considering that you're basically sitting on top of him. It's kind of like a reverse of the situation you two were in before. Haha, suck it, John. Look who has the upper hand now.

And holy shit, he totally does have the soft fur behind his ear.

Your fingers curl and scratch, and his body, which had been extremely tense underneath you just seconds before, practically melts into the floor.

"Yeah, you like that, don't you?"

"Oh my god, Dave shhh-shhhhhut up." He mumbles into the carpet, voice beginning to roll slightly with the beginnings of a purr. You feel so triumphant, yet you feel like your mind is blanking on something it really shouldn't be.

"Dave-- Dave, stop, I'm-- fucking hell, ha-how many times do I have to tell you I'm in-- I'm in fucking heat before you get it through your-rrrrrrrrr--" He devolves into a thick purr as he leans back against your hand, which has just frozen.

"Oh, shit."

Yeah, 'oh shit' indeed, you fucking twat. You are the biggest, most ditzy fucking minded kid, it's you. You just proved Egbert's point. After he had just. Told you. Again.

A-fucking-gain.

What are you doing, even?

You slide off of him and he yanks his pants up quickly (a little higher than they really need to go, but you aren't gonna say anything after that fuck-up). He pulls himself up, but faces away from you. His ears are bright red. You would laugh if you weren't so caught up on the fact that you're a giant idiot.

"S'nice tail, though." You say after a moment to try and break the tension. Honestly though, it's like trying to crack through fifteen inches of ice with a fucking herring, because you just yanked down his pants and pinned him down while he was in heat and only just earlier proved to you that he can easily get a little out of hand and wow, you are so fucking smart.

"Shut up," he replies thickly, still looking away from you. "You're a dick."

You don't reply because you don't really have one, which sends you both into another awkward few minutes of silence (well, not really, the next Thomas the Tank Engine episode had come on). You cough slightly to try and prompt him to say something, but he doesn't move. His ears are pressed down against his head, and you can sort of see his fingers digging into his knees at this angle, but only just. Which means you need to say something first. Damn it, you really hate talking first.

"So..." For all your prowess online, you really do just kind of suck ass at talking in person. "Found in an alleyway, huh?"

You are also just kind of fucking stupid in general.

He sucks in a deep breath before his head bows forward just a little bit.

"Yeah," he exhales. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Cool, cool..." Your eyes drift over to the tv and you watch it in the silence without even really comprehending what you're seeing. You have to resist the urge to slam your head into the floor because you're a big fucking idiot, what the hell are you doing.

"Your ears have the soft patch thing," you pipe up after another moment.

"Dave, what are you even saying anymore." He says, turning to look at you, perplexed.

"I don't fucking know!" You say, voice totally not pitching upwards at all. "The hell am I supposed to say? 'Whoops, sorry for giving you a boner because I wanted to see your tail because you're part cat.'"

He looks like he's about to start laughing, but you don't stop, you just keep talking.

"Because this is all so fucking sexual, with Thomas my main pal laying down some sickass love beats on the rails. Erotic imagery goin' on with the trains going in and out of tunnels, like hot damn, I am so fucking aroused."

He's snickering. "Dave--"

"Hey now, who said you could talk? I'm still trying to get over the fact that I make your Leaning Tower of Pisa stand straight."

He's all-out laughing now.

"I mean, while it isn't all that surprising because I'm Dave Strider, it's pretty goddamn surprising because you're John Egbert, and I'm not gonna lie; I thought you were straight as your fucking peener is right now before today."

He completely loses it as soon as you say 'peener', and you are actually relieved when you see that your analogy falls flat because nope, he doesn't have a boner. At least, not anymore.

"You are such a dork--" He chokes out between his laughter, and you can't help but grin because John is the only one who would ever call you a dork.

It's another John thing.

Shut up, you're allowed to like John things.

"So you were surprised." He finally says after he's come down from his laughter, his grin wide and his eyes bright as his cheeks are flushed pink; he looks really nice after laughing.

"Stupidly, yes. I should have figured, what with you getting wet dreams about Nic Gays and Matthew Mcnuggetway." He kicks at your leg and you grin crookedly at him.

"Well, I didn't know you would reciprocate." He says his voice bubbling slightly with another laugh.

"Yeah, me neither." You find yourself replying, though your lips tug up further than before.

He's about to say something else when he completely freezes, eyes trained behind you and oh. Shit.

You think you know what's up and this is gonna be hell to deal with.

"Those are his real ears," is the first thing your brother says.

 

You think John just about shit himself.

 

You would laugh if you weren't scared out of your fucking mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short short short chapter because i cant cant cant write  
> hooohhhhh boy  
> okay there we go  
> i'll be working much more on this i promise you that  
> sorry about this [sad face]


	6. What Meow?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bro.

"Okay, right. Well." Deep breaths. Just deep breaths. "Okay, so there are a few options for you concerning how I go about explaining this whole... situation. Right here. Right now, as well. As it so happens to currently be present so I can use the present tense 'now', isn't that fascinating? Time itself is really, very fascinating if you take some time to think about it. Let's look at this from an overall standpoint; time is not exactly a strict progression of cause to effect--"

John kicks your side and hisses under his breath, "you're rambling, Dave."

"Right, sorry. Off track, way off track. So off track the train is practically flying into Mt. Everest and the fucking dude who invented trains is rolling in his grave, wondering why the fuck he didn't add seat-belts." John is giving you a Look. "Okay, sooo... kitty ears-- cat ears. Ears of a cat. Right. Yes. That."

John kicks you again, harder. You wince and grab your side.

"Try again, smartass." He whispers harshly.

What a sweetie.

"Look, okay. So basically, John here is doing something called 'social experimentation' wherein he dawns some very, very realistic cat ears and sees how people will react. And you are currently... seemingly unresponsive. Fantastic." You turn to John. "You get that down, Johnny?"

John is bright red and looks crossed between completely livid and utterly humiliated.

"You really gotta work on that horrible nervous rambling shit you got goin' for ya, lil bro."

Your head snaps back to Bro as soon as he talks. Judging from the single eyebrow arched masterfully over his shades, you'd say he was amused.

Yeah, well he can go fuck himself.

"Hey, don't get your knickers in a twist, I ain't gonna give one or even two shits if Egbert is some weird ass kawaii neko or whatever. Now, I'm just takin' a shot in a dark here, but those ears aren't recent, right?"

John nods stiffly, all anger drained.

"Right, see? So then yer still Egbert, I'm still Bro," he points over at you, and you inwardly groan. "And he's still a retarded fuck."

You hide your (totally fucking not) red face in your hands.

"Love you too, Bro." You mumble into your hands.

"Yeah, so there we go. Glad we got that cat thing out of the way." You hear him start to make his way to the opposite end of the room to the hallway.

"Just, y'know, practice safe sex n' shit. Don't want Dave to get ass pregnant or whatever the fuck."

You hear a door close.

You do not remove yourself from your hands for a long, long time.

You honestly have no fucking clue how long you've just been sitting there when John finally squeaks out a small, "Dave?"

"... Yeah, dude?" You say, refusing to move your hands from your face.

"Striders are weird."

Your hands drop to your lap and you turn to give John a Look.

He personally looks about ready to burst into a fit of giggles.

This time, you get the satisfaction of kicking him.

The result is, however, unsatisfactory due to the fact that he launches into hysterical laughter.

You're surrounded by assholes.

Assholes that might as well get fucked with some rusty sporks.

God what even the fuck is your life.

"Hey," John chokes out through his laughter, nudging you slightly. "At least he didn't walk in when you had my pants down."

"Oh I don't know, I think it would've been fun explaining to him why your penis was grinding into the carpet as I felt up your stubby, rabbit-ass tail. Don't you?"

John goes red and huffs, and you smirk in victory.

"Don't talk about my tail like that, dude. It's very sensitive to your insults."

"Sorry, I'll make sure to apologize next time I get a face full of Egbert ass."

John grins mischievously over at you through the redness of his cheeks. You try not to shrink back under the gaze too much.

"I can arrange that to be fairly soon, if you like."

You splutter and he snickers. Yeah, a right asshole.

"Dude, you gotta stop saying shit like that. Those jokes are just weird as balls when I know that there's actually a lick of truth to 'em, I mean fucking Christ."

John fake pouts and you can see the malicious intent glimmer in his fucking eyes as he scoots closer to you until his hand is on your knee and your whole body instantly freezes.

"Aww, Dave, you're no fun!" He's leaning in closer, and it is taking everything to stop yourself from moving away and letting all that fucking heat go to your face but fuck no, you aren't embarrassed. "I thought you didn't mind it all that much..."

He's practically breathing into your ear, motherfuck.

"In fact... I thought you were into it."

"Egbert, if you start dirty talkin' and taintin' my holy ears, I'm gonna smack the shit out'ya."

John draws back and you relax considerably, but you glare at that smug look on his face.

"There's the southern gentlemen."

"Fuck you."

"I never really understood why you cover it up." John says, grabbing his feet and rocking back and forth slightly on the floor. "I mean, Bro seems pretty confident with it."

"Yeah well, Bro doesn't mind sounding like a fucking hillbilly."

John stops rocking and looks at you funny. For some reason, you find yourself greatly tempted to stick your tongue out at him. Instead, you raise your eyebrow in question.

"Dude, you don't sound like a hillbilly!" He bursts out finally.

You roll your eyes, letting out a puff of air that blows your bangs from your face. Oh Christ, here we go.

"I really like your accent, actually! I wish I had an accent, to be honest. Accents are really cool and mega sexy, dude! Like, all the ladies are looking for guys with accents. Something about foreign people is just really attractive, so embrace the gift of your cowboy-ness."

You snort, nudging him slightly as you go to stand up.

"Right, okay. You find my southern twang attractive?"

John blushes as he stands up with you and follows you into the kitchen.

"I said ladies, dude. I thought we established I'm not a girl."

"But you are technically the chick in this relationship deal," you shrug as you open the fridge, casually sidestepping the shitty swords that fall out as you do so. "And that's another thing, you are now officially the number one Strider rider enthusiast or whatever the fuck."

You glance back at John as you grab two juice boxes and grin inwardly at the flustered look on his face as he shuffles slightly from foot to foot, his ears twitching agitatedly atop his head. 

"Pff, yeah, well..." He scoffs, turning away and seemingly blushing deeper.

"... Maybe?"

You smirk into the fridge before you lean back and shut it with your foot, handing John his aj and smirking even more when he quickly snatches it from you. You masterfully take the plastic straw, unwrap it, and stab the juice box with it before taking a sip.

"Ain't no shame, doll face." You drawl as you walk past him to your room. You see him burn brighter from the corner of your eye before he hurriedly rushes to catch up to you.

Maybe the relationship thing isn't really gonna be all that weird. It doesn't feel weird so far. Yeah, you can do this. Fuck it, you're Dave Strider, being in a relationship with your best bro is easy. You can do this.

You wander over to your computer, John flopping onto the bed behind you.

Or what if... This wasn't the relationship part yet? What if that doesn't kick in until later? You'll just go over to John's to hang and then suddenly everything is weird or different and he's trying to kiss all up in your face all the time or suddenly he's demanding chocolates and flowers and constantly asking, 'who're you texting, Dave?' To which you have no real answer because you don't want to tell him you're having a fucking argument with Karkat over which Spice Girl was the best, which apparently was a bad thing to withhold because now he's accusing you of cheating and Karkat is the person you're supposedly cheating on him with and John yells at him the next time he sees you two together and Karkat is confused, and you're trying desperately to explain to him that it's all a big misunderstanding but he won't listen because he's too busy yelling at you to listen and then his cat hormones kick in and boom, suddenly he's making out a bunch with you and Karkat is just standing there in shock because you haven't told anyone about the relationship yet, but you're too busy engaging in sloppy make-outs to explain and then you're suddenly on your bed and Egbert is going to town on you and he looks all feral and wild and hella lusty and he's taking off your shirt and

You should stop thinking about this.

You shift awkwardly in your computer chair for a moment, blush totally gone, as you bring up youtube and clear your throat.

"Nerdy shit or Goofy Movie?" You call over your shoulder.

"Goofy, definitely." John calls back.

You roll your eyes and quickly find the full length movie, click on it and bring it to full screen, before kicking your chair back into your bed and jumping onto it, causing John to bounce slightly.

He giggles because of it, and you refuse to let yourself think about how cute that is.

Barely a minute in and you fail to resist the urge to commentate.

"You ever worry about that?" You ask.

"What?"

"That you're gonna wake up and your teeth will suddenly be bigger than your face. Because I worry about you, man."

John kicks you. You snicker (because it's your way of showing him that you don't mean any harm [and that you honestly don't give a fuck about his teeth. You think you might even like them.])

"You're a dick." John huffs.

"I know."

"A big, flaccid, smelly dick."

"Thanks, babe."

John scrunches up his face.

"Ew, don't call me 'babe'."

"Sure thing, toots."

He kicks you and you laugh a bit before sidling closer to him.

"Aw, come on darlin', don't be like that."

He makes a face again, but doesn't move away. You take that as a sign and move closer until your arm is touching his.

"Would you forgive me if I promised to hold your hand for the rest of the movie?"

He sniffs, and you can see how hard he's trying not to let up his hurt act.

"Maybe..." He finally says.

You don't resist the urge to grin and grab his hand, almost instantly intertwining your fingers.

You both smile like idiots throughout the movie.

 

You know what? Maybe this relationship thing isn't so hard.

\--

It's sometime just after midnight when John wakes you up by kicking you in his sleep. You make a stupid muffled squawking sound when you jolt awake before you actually do realize it's just John, and then you kind of just feel really stupid.

You fell asleep with your face pressed halfway into the pillow with your glasses still on, so the bridge of your nose has basically been abused to shit. You take off your shades quickly and rub at your eyes before blinking slightly and glancing over to get a better look at the sleeping form of John beside you.

He's facing towards you with the side of his face squished effectively against the pillow, his head angled upwards just slightly so that his mouth hangs slack and open just a fraction. His hair is messier than usual, and you almost can't make out his ears among the mess until one flicks slightly and John crinkles his nose before inhaling deeply, using his hand to rub at his face, and then relaxing again. You smile at him out of fondness because damn it, that dumbass goober is just so fucking dorky and cute and John that it just makes you fucking stupid or something. And while before you would've felt weird watching him while he slept, now you just sort of feel entitled to it. The rise and fall of his chest as he sleeps and the relaxed state of his face and the small, barely there upward quirk of his lips seems almost reserved for you. You know it's fuck all stupid, but you just feel it.

You gently sweep some hair from his closed eyes before carefully forcing yourself up to get a drink of water before you get stopped by something and

 

You're still holding his hand.

 

You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling too big as you gently untangle your fingers and pull the haphazard blanket you'd tugged over the both of you on the brink of passing out more securely around John.

And then you're shuffling as quietly as you can out of the room, masterfully navigating your general shit hole of a living quarters before softly opening the door and slipping out into the hallway.

You rub at your eyes a bit more as you zombie walk into the kitchen, quickly fetching a glass from a cabinet before turning on the tap and sticking the glass under it. You stifle a yawn.

"You had his pants down."

You jerk and the water gets all over you before you turn off the tap, set the glass down, and grab a paper towel to begin drying yourself off as you glare over at Bro who's standing stoically in the doorway.

"Fucking Christ, Bro."

"You had his pants down in my apartment, fucktard. He may be a cat person, but that doesn't mean you get to fuckin' strip him in the place where I sleep and eat."

"There's water on my fucking pants, ugh, goddammit..."

"There are general rules here, okay? I will respect your individual and flamin'ly gay decisions as long as you at least tell me when you plan to bone him so that I can ollie the fuck out and let you two squirt all over each other until you look like some weird ass human carbonara."

You groan as your face heats, and you stubbornly refuse to look at Bro, though you've stopped angrily drying yourself.

"Also, you have no idea where the lube and shit is, so that would have made for some inappropriate ass sexing. You get where I'm comin' from?"

You don't respond and just begin to slowly resume your job of drying, scowling down at your wet clothes.

"There should be some stuff in your bedroom side table now, so if you do the fuckin' bed tango with Bucky McNerd, you can at least have it be painless and AIDS free."

There's a moment of silence that you pointedly try to ignore by scrubbing harder at your pants. You pause when you hear Bro sigh and. You finally glance up to see him leaning against the doorway.

"Just be safe n' shit. I wasn't kidding earlier." He leans away from the door and turns to leave. You sigh and turn back to the sink,reaching out to grab another towel before Bro speaks again.

"He's a good kid. Don't fuck this up."

When you glance back, he's gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so short and relatively less quality than the other chapters and it took so long to get out I'm so sorry  
> I promise that when we get into the relationship a bit more, things'll get better  
> Oh also my birthday is coming up (29th uwu) so i might be a little occupied with that soooooooo yeah  
> Next chapter maybe in John's POV?


	7. Purrmission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not so bad now... Later, you know it's going to go to hell.

Ohhh god, you do not want to do this. You do NOT want to do this at all. This is like walking into your own fucking nightmare-- you can turn around! Just run, damn it! Run those twiggy ass legs you have back down the street. Move to Chicago maybe. Avoid this for the rest of your life because this is Dave Strider with the weather and people, we are looking at a torrential shit storm heading right at your fucking face. Actually yeah, Chicago sounds good. You could probably make it there as a street performer. Maybe do stand up, you're sure there's gotta be some humor in a story about how your best friend turned out to be a cat person and was totally all the way homo for you and turns out you're homo for them (????) I mean that's gotta be comedic gold, right?

Oh who are you fucking kidding, the story sucks and who would laugh at it anyways? Or find it interesting at all? Probably the weirdos. Yeah, if you managed to make it in Chicago, you'd attract all the fucking weirdos.

Welp, it's better than this shit. Chicago, here comes the greatest thing since pizza bites--

"David, glad you could join us."

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK." You say coolly as you turn back to the Victorian house, jammed between many others.

And there, leaning against the open doorway, stands the end of everything you've ever loved.

"Oh hey, so this is the right house. Haha, thought it was the wrong one, pff, was about to go home, how fucking funny is that, right?"

An eyebrow raise. Arms crossed.

Oh god, you're going to be sick. 

"Yes, I saw you just starting to leave and I'm so glad I caught you before you could escape. Oh sorry, pardon the harsh wording."

You swallow and find yourself way too aware of how loud the sound was in your ears.

"So, Lalonde, you gonna invite me in? Isn't it rude or something to keep me waiting?"

That earns you a smirk as she pushes herself away from the doorway so she can walk into the house, calling over her shoulder as she goes and you follow (smoothly, not quickly or whatever,) "welcome to my humble abode, Strider."

You roll your eyes as you step through, your hands jammed into your pocket.

"Woah there, s'not like I haven't been here before."

"Oh really?" She asks as she stops to turn to you. Her tone of voice and amused expression tell you you would probably have died a happier man had you kept your fat mouth shut. "So then, why did you think this was the wrong house?"

"You painted, didn't you?" Is the ingenious fucking thing that comes to mind first. She nods her head and you think you actually managed to get in the clear before you notice her looking at her fingers.

"Yes, they are. But I don't see how that would change anything about the house."

You scowl at her and she manages to hold your gaze evenly for thirty seconds until she breaks into giggles, bringing her hands up to try and stifle the sound.

"Yeah, good to see you too." You grumble, shuffling behind her as she leads you through the house.

"How's your summer been?" She asks, and you can still hear the amusement in her voice, the piece of shit.

"For the three days we've been out, fucking fantastic before I saw your ugly mug."

"Oh, how you wound me." 

"Yeah, damn straight." You say, rounding the corner of the hall into the living room where you spot John and Jade sitting on the carpet, talking among themselves and giggling about something before they hear you, and they both stop and turn around just so they can tag team in some face-splitting grins fired in your direction.

"Hey guys, you better not have been enjoying yourselves too much without me or I might just start thinking you don't need me anymore." You say as you jump over the back of the couch and sit on it, leaning forward closer to them and smirking slightly at the way they both grin wider, though John rolls those baby blues of his.

"We were in tears, Dave, honestly." He states monotonously, and Jade nods encouragingly beside him.

"No hope at all in the endless sea of boredom!" She exclaims.

"SOS," John pipes up again.

"Send our savior, the great Strider. Commander of all insufferable pricks." Rose contributes, sitting down gracefully beside you.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just get on with telling me what the plan is."

"The plan is not to have a plan," Rose says, and you manage to do quite a masterful eye roll. It's almost a shame you're wearing your shades, that shit was grade A.

"Of fucking course. So then I take it just movie night like always?"

"Probably," Jade says, though the cheerful tone of her voice suggests she honestly does not give any singular fuck. Ahh, Jade. You can always trust her to be an optimistic little daisy.

Usually.

Sometimes.

One time, you witnessed her flip her shit at Karkat because he wouldn't leave her alone. You hadn't thought it was humanly possible to swear so many times and still have it be legit. And she was yelling at Karkat for fucks sake-- the man looked about ready to piss himself.

"It will be fun." Rose states.

"It's always fun with you guys," John says. You roll your eyes again, the force of it apparently strong enough for John to at least sense it. "Dude, shut up. It's true. I missed you guys."

"John, you saw me two days ago, and them just one more day before me."

"Two days is a long time! Especially after--" he clamps his mouth shut and you feel your cheeks tint pink. Oh Christ, here we go already.

"... After what?" Rose asks, alert and interested.

Fuck everything, this is going to suck.

"... After things." Is what fucking Smegbert replies with. Good job, John. Always reliable.

"Things...?" Jade prompts. You sit back on the couch, crossing your arms and staring out the window, pointedly away from everyone else.

You wonder how fast you'd have to be running to jump through that window and have your speed remain constant.

"Stuff and things..." You hear John say behind you.

"Stuff and things after your sleepover with Dave?" Rose drawls. You slump further into the couch and desperately try to count how many branches are in that tree just outside.

"Yes-- I mean, no. If no is the answer that... Will stop you from asking these questions... Then, uh... No...?"

You close your eyes at the silence that follows and hold your breath.

"So--" Rose starts.

"Dave, I'm so fucking sorry!" John blurts quickly.

"I think now would be a good time to kill myself."

"What? Sorry about what? What's happening?" Jade says.

"-- You and Dave--"

"I tried, I really tried, I'm sorry!"

"About WHAT?"

"Say I died like a badass on my tombstone, please, that's all I ask."

"-- Are in a relationship?"

"You're WHAT?!"

You turn to Rose, face completely impassive and not red or anything.

"Aw come on, you're not supposed to just guess it fucking outright!"

"So yes?"

"Fuck you!"

John groans.

"YOU'RE ACTUALLY DATING?!"

"I'll take that as a yes, you are dating. Congratulations."

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my goddamn motherfucking gosh!" Jade squeals.

"Alright, what the fuck was the point of saying 'gosh' if you were just gonna--"

"Who asked who?"

"What?" John asks, voice muffled into his hand. He sounds like he feels tired and regretful. He should feel tired and regretful, he just fucking killed you, that son of a bitch.

"Who proposed to who?" Rose restates, and you wanna fling yourself off a cliff because she has that stupid tone of voice that says that she is determined to find out fucking everything, oh god, you are just done with life.

"We didn't get fucking engaged," is what you grumble under your breath while you brood in your hatred of the world. Jade kicks your foot lightly and you grumble even more into your hand as you turn away from everyone again.

"I guess I asked him?" John muses, and you scoff into your hand as you glare at the tree swaying in the wind outside.

Even if that is kinda true and shit, that doesn't make you the girl of the relationship or anything. It's cool, it's whatever. You don't care. You don't care about any of this, you just would honestly rather hurl yourself out of a window, that's how much you don't care.

"Predictable,"

Your head snap backs to Rose.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What was that, David?"

"What do you mean that's predictable, what the fuck makes that predictable? When did you predict this anyways, you been sitting around the fire and looking into your gypsy dark magic crystal ball, asking the spirits about who's gay for who? That's an invasion of fucking privacy, Rose, I hope you realize that. There is some serious-- Jade, why are you laughing."

Jade inhales sharply a few times, trying to calm down her laughter, but she fails spectacularly and bursts into another round of giggling.

"It means that I figured John was infatuated with you for quite some time, that's all." Rose cuts in again, and you glare over at her for a long time because she looks way too amused for you to be happy. 

"Geez, was it really that obvious?" John asks, blushing all kawaii and shit, but whatever that doesn't matter right now. You're too busy being pissy to pay attention to how adorable John is being.

At least that's what you tell yourself.

"Fairly obvious I'd say, yes. Though it seems that some people were quite oblivious, judging by your reactions, Strider."

"Fuck off, Lalonde." You say, sending a light kick over at her. She grins at you devilishly and you huff.

"'Sides, I knew he was homo for me the first time I saw him. Practically everyone is homo for me, so of course he'd get roped into it."

Rose stares at you for a long time, and you vaguely see John rolling his eyes out of the corner of your own. You hear Jade stifle a giggle, and you do your best to keep your face from heating up.

"... You had absolutely no idea, did you." Rose says slowly, unblinking. John looks like he is desperately trying not to smile. You scowl.

"Shut up."

"It's truly a wonder how painfully stupid you can be at times."

"Yeah well, it's a wonder how you still somehow think you're some great therapist when you're obviously wrong about this, so..."

You wish that you could switch the conversation to online because you would probably be faring so much better.

"Truly remarkable," Rose breathes as she shakes her head in amusement. Jade's finally calmed down her giggling fit and now is just smiling widely between you and John.

"How did it come up?"

"What?" John asks, jolting slightly out of what you assume was thought (you ignore how your eyes seem to automatically lock onto the small, barely perceptible twitch of his hat as he says it.)

"How did you get around to asking him?"

He sort of jumped me and kissed me a bunch and explained how wild he is for my dick.

"It just... Happened, I guess?" John says carefully.

"Were you planning on asking him out or speaking about your true feelings at all?"

"Not really, I was actually going for the exact opposite." You tense as he says it because you know what's coming next.

"Why were you actively trying to suppress your emotions? I assume this sleepover had been planned similar to all your others, and this isn't an entirely new feeling for you, so...?"

He is constantly on the verge of popping one around me and he didn't want to suddenly hump me into a wall.

"Um... I don't..."

Eyebrow raise. John is fucked. Must save. Not much time.

"Uhhh, I guess I...?"

Hat twitch.

"Well this is boring." You interrupt quickly, standing up. John blinks wildly over at you. "How about me and John go get the snacks and you lovely ladies pick the movie?" 

"I could accompany John to the kitchen-- it is my house after all--"

"No, I insist." You grab John and yank him onto his feet, quickly dragging him towards the kitchen.

"No, but-- no making out on my counters!"

Your cheeks flush as you shove John into the kitchen, him spluttering a few words you don't exactly hear as you shout back, "no promises."

When you turn back to him, he's blushing from your comment and you smirk at him briefly (inwardly congratulating yourself on managing to say something decent for once) before heading to the cupboards to search for food.

"Uh... Thanks for helping me out, there."

"No problem," you say as you inspect a box of microwaveable popcorn. "Figured you weren't exactly ready to tell them about the whole cat thing yet."

"Mm..."

You turn back to him, raising an eyebrow.

"You are gonna tell them eventually... Right?"

He blushes and turns to look at some statue on the far side of the room, shuffling awkwardly on his feet.

You set the box on the counter.

"John."

He doesn't turn to you.

"You gotta be shitting me-- come on, you've known them for just as long-- hell, even longer."

He's still not looking at you, so you take a step towards him.

"They deserve to know. Plus, wouldn't that make your life a whole lot easier? You won't have to be so--"

"We can't tell. Especially not them." He whispers.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

He breathes out before turning his eyes toward you. You stare at him expectantly.

"Um, they just... It's sounds stupid, but... You..."

He scrunches up his eyebrows and it kind of looks like he's having a bit of an internal struggle.

"You know Rose's mom?"

"We're talking about Rose and Jade, not their parents."

"No but... The whole... The science."

"The... Science." You raise your eyebrows and he sighs agitatedly.

"I can't, like, word it right. It's just-- the science. Their families are... Science... Y. Science-y."

You watch him expectantly for a moment before it dawns on you, and you lean against the counter as you stare at him in slight disbelief.

"You aren't thinking that they'll, like, take you to some lab and experiment on you or whatever because of the whole cat thing?"

He stares down at his feet.

"Oh my god John, really?"

"Well I dunno-- they might! They've done it in movies, and I heard stories about years ago when they were looking to make some vaccine and this one dude was supposedly immune and they just took him and he was never seen again or anything and it was really freaky and stuff because they got the vaccine for this super deadly disease but the guy was gone and, and, and it's just really scary and it could happen. They could come for me and take me and put me in a white room and barely feed me or give me weird medicine and they could strap me to a table and dissect me. They could dissect me, Dave."

You don't exactly remember when you'd moved to wrap your arms around him,or when he'd rested his head on your shoulders, but you pin it to the fact that he looked so damn scared that you couldn't really help it. You sigh and rub his back lightly, caught in distant wonderment with the traces of a purr that you hear emanate from him as you do so.

"That won't happen. It's Jade and Rose. They care about you, bro. They wouldn't sell you out to their parents or grandparents or whatever, chillax."

"They might." He mutters into your shoulder.

"They won't. You're being really paranoid, dude."

"I don't wanna be dissected, Dave."

You chuckle lightly and you hug him tighter, hiding your face into his hat. One of his ears flicks lightly under your chin through the hat, which causes you to laugh a little more.

"I know," you mutter, because that's the best response you can think of. You feel him smile against you, and you're struck with the urge to kiss his head.

And then you're struck with the fact that you're dating him, so you can.

So you do.

When you pull back, he's positively beaming.

You turn back to the microwaveable popcorn on the counter to try and distract yourself from the heat you feel in your cheeks.

"Better get the food before they come back here and catch us in the middle of sloppy make-outs." You mutter quickly, grabbing the box and making your way to the microwave. You hear him snicker behind you, closely followed by the sound of the fridge opening.

"Apple juice?" You ask as casually as you can, sliding a bag of popcorn into the microwave and shutting it.

"Nope, but there's Pepsi."

"Fuck." You punch in the numbers and quickly turn the microwave on.

"More like fucking awesome; Pepsi rules."

"You're brain damaged." You say as you turn to him just in time to catch a can of Pepsi he's thrown your way.

"Yeah well, you're a shitty boyfriend."

"Nuh-uh." You say, cheeks tinting against your will. You hear a few pops behind you.

"Yeah-huh." John says stubbornly, taking a step towards you as he closes the fridge with his food behind him. His arms are full with more cans of Pepsi.

"Take it back, I'm the best boyfriend ever."

"Nope."

"Fuck you."

"Bite me."

"That's kinky shit, but because I'm the most kickass boyfriend ever, I will go along with your--"

He kisses you before you can even try anything smart-assy. You don't remember getting any closer to him, but once again, you guess it was just instinct.

You eyes, which were blown wide before in surprise, slowly begin to lid, despite your best efforts.

Egbert's a good kisser, the stupid little fuck.

You almost lose yourself before you manage to pull back, though not to a safe enough distance. Your face is still inches from his, and your deep, heavy breaths play along each others faces. You lick your lips slightly, inwardly delighting in the way his slightly hazy eyes follow the movement very carefully.

"John," you mutter. "No kissing."

He starts to whine, moving in to kiss you again, but you take a half step back.

"I know you're a little strung, dude. But seriously. No kissing, especially not when we're at Rose's house."

"Just one more kiss, please? A small one? One last one?"

You swallow at the neediness in his voice, but you step back further when he shifts to move closer.

 

"We can't risk it-- you can't risk it. Come on, you promised me. You need to pace this. If we start kissing any more, you won't--"

"I will." He blurts quickly, stepping forward with that same look in his eyes. His arm is reaching towards you, and you grab it with your free hand.

"You won't," you repeat softly. You almost hate yourself with how dejected he looks, but he bites his lip and takes back his arm, shuffling his feet like before and staring at the floor. The microwave is beeping behind you.

"Sorry," he mutters. You smile at him for a moment.

"Naw, it's okay, you couldn't help it."

You quickly grab the popcorn and turn back to him, waggling your eyebrows.

"I mean, I am pretty fucking irresistible..."

He snickers and hits your arm as you two start making your way back out again.

"Shut up, you suck."

"I haven't really, but I could try."

He flushes and you give yourself another few points as he shoves you lightly with his shoulder.

"You're a dick."

"You're an ass. Made for each other, John." You say as you round back into the living-room. Jade grins widely at the sight of you two, while Rose merely raises her eyebrows. You shrug at her as you sit on the sofa, setting your Pepsi (ugh) on the side table as you open the popcorn bag. John quickly claims the spot beside you as the girls finish putting in the movie. Jade leaves Rose to it after a moment, turning over to you two and practically skipping over to John to relieve her Pepsi. She grins at you guys for way longer than you feel was necessary, but John giggles and kicks her foot lightly, simultaneously leaning back against you and causing your cheeks to warm slightly. You push through it like a man and decide to fuck it and take some initiative, swinging your arm around his shoulder to try and reclaim some relationship man-points. John smiles and buries closer to you, reaching over to the popcorn.

When Rose finally puts the movie into her hell machine of a DVD player, she turns back and instantly freezes when she sees you and John.

"I thought I said no make-outs in my kitchen."

"We didn't."

"You did. What's that?"

"This is us sitting. What do you think?"

"I think you did."

"Not."

"Did."

"Did fucking not."

"Did."

"A little."

"God fucking damn it, John."

"Well...!"

"Knew it."

"Aww, you guys really are so sweet, though. Look at you--"

"Can it, Harley. Can we watch the damn movie already?"

Rose watched you for a moment before stalking over and snatching the popcorn from you, despite your protests protests.

"You don't get to hold the bag as punishment. I said no make-outs."

You sulk after her as she sits by Jade on the other couch, starting the movie quickly after.

God, they look so happy over there with their easy access to beautiful, buttery popcorn.

You slump back into the couch.

"Good going John." You mutter angrily.

"I swear to god, she was doing this hypnotist thing-- I had to tell the truth, Dave."

"You suck," you grumble, yanking him closer so you can rest your head atop his.

You grumble even more, and he can't help but laugh slightly.

The sound melts your angry resolve and you quickly find yourself smiling against him.

It takes you ten minutes to remember you're supposed to be watching a movie.

You think there's something wrong with you.

You also think you don't care at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bluh bluh bluh I'm not particularly good at writing people other than Dave or John, i apologize. Also this chapter might seem very loose right now? I hope that I'll be able to tighten everything up for all of you in the next one. Sorry for the wait, I would have had this done sooner but my birthday just passed, so I was focusing on other stuff.


	8. Pussycat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phantom menace sucked so much ass

"Whyyyyy are we watching this?"

"Oh come now, Strider, you're usually the quiet one."

"I know but-- oh my god, it's so bad. It's making me fucking cringe, please, turn it off--"

"It's because he's such a Star Wars nerd. This is basically stabbing him right in the heart."

"Shut the fuck up, John-- god damn it, why couldn't he just let him die?"

"Dave, really?"

"That Gungan shithead is the whole reason this movie sucks so much ass. Oh my god, Jar Jar, stop talking for fucks sake!"

"Wow, he's getting really emotional over this, huh?"

"You guys don't understand." You huff, turning to Jade to try to explain how much shit that Gungan fuck has left in your life, but Jar Jar says something and you can feel all your childhood hatred of that fucking animated nightmare returning full on. "Fucking--!"

"Maybe we should turn this off, if it's going to keep triggering Dave like this..."

"Oh god yes, please."

"But I wanna watch this, I've never seen Star Wars!"

"Never--" your mind blanks, and you blink stupidly over at Jade. You distantly hear John snickering against you.

"Never seen... Star Wars. You've-- Jade, how long have you known me?"

"Well fuck, I don't know! A bit longer than a few years? I met you through John and--"

"And never once have you seen Star Wars. Not one fucking movie."

Jade shakes her head slowly. You think you might have involuntarily twitched or something because John is starting to laugh even more; you can hear him trying to muffle it, and you feel his shoulders shake with each laugh.

"How the fuck are you my friend."

John can't suppress it anymore, and he bursts out laughing before he covers his mouth again, turning his head into your shoulder. You think you also heard a small giggle from Rose. You ignore it because you're too busy staring down Jade, who looks like she's trying really hard not to laugh as well.

You hear Jar Jar again, and this time you know for a fact that you definitely fucking twitched. You hate that thing so much.

Rose laughs some more, but you hear her get up, and you turn to watch her as she walks over to the DVD player.

"Alright, alright, we'll watch something else."

You hear some protest from Jade, but you're too busy sighing in relief to care.

"Thank you. Anything is better than that monstrosity."

Rose glances over her shoulder and raises an eyebrow at you challengingly.

"Really?"

"... There can't be anything worse."

Her eyebrows raise higher, and she turns to John, who's finally coming down from his laughing fit next to you.

"John, would you like to pick?"

"Huh, wha--?"

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." You groan. John looks over at you curiously, biting his lips lightly to keep from laughing again.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asks, doing his best to look and sound intimidating. It doesn't really work too well considering he just came down from a laughing high.

"It means your movie choices are always shit."

You hear Rose tsk, and Jade makes an exaggerated gasping sound.

John pouts and moves to the far end of the couch.

"Oh, god damn it, come on John--"

"Nope, no more cuddles because my movies are always so shit."

"Dude, you know I always tease you about your movies, don't be a wang." You say, moving towards him again, only to have him pull back so that he's pressing into the arm rest.

"John--"

"Now that you two are boyfriends, he reserves the right to be angry with you." Rose states. You turn to her and give her a Look that you hope accurately depicts how 'wtf' you are right now.

"That is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard."

"It's true." Jade pipes up. "You need to learn how to be more emotionally sensitive towards John, Dave."

You turn the look over to Jade and amplify it by about a thousand.

It is then that you realize John is snickering.

You turn the look to him and he bursts out into full on laughter, Jade and Rose quickly following. You stare for a few more seconds before rolling your eyes.

You quickly scoop John back into your arms, causing him to squawk as you noogie him lightly just before settling him back against you. He laughs a little more at that, quickly snuggling back into you.

You ignore the look Rose gives you two, and the little "aww" sound from Jade.

"What are we watchin', then?" You ask into John's beanie. He snickers.

"I was thinking maybe... Spider-Man three?"

You groan loudly into him, and he laughs even more. You hear Jade laugh as well, and you even catch Rose covering her own smile with her hand.

"Fine, we'll watch fucking Spider-Man three. But I won't like it."

John snickers and pulls himself up to whisper into your ear.

"You don't exactly have to watch..."

The devilish grin he flashes at you causes your cheeks to heat, and you try your best to keep your face neutral. You think you hear Jade giggle slightly as she grabs the movie from a shelf, quickly turning to trade it out for that god awful movie.

Your only regret is not seeing the fight scene with Darth Maul, that dude was always so fucking badass.

 

... You don't even last as long as you did in Phantom Menace. And this time, it's not even because it's a shitty movie.

It's because you keep noticing fucking everything about John, and you can't stop.

First it was just his breathing and how you could not only hear it, but also feel the small puffs of breath slightly against your arms, and the inhale an exhale of his chest. Then it was the small, sharp exhales he'd make through his nose if he found something funny or amusing. Then it was the way his fingers picked lightly at your sleeves, and then trailed along your arm. And then how you found, eventually, that he was slowly nuzzling into you more and more and you just barely caught yourself smiling at that. It was then that you couldn't resist looking at him.

And then you were completely lost.

His eyelashes are long and thick and for some reason you're completely just fucking hypnotized by the way the TV's light reflects on them.

Momentarily hypnotized.

The light catches in his glasses and you blink behind your shades. And then you're locked on his eyes.

The TV is reflected in his pupils, and they're big enough for you to be able to watch the movie in them. You don't have any interest in that, though.

From his eyes you move down to his nose, relatively small and kind of adorable; you think it's what people cliche as a 'button nose', what with the little bulb on the end. And it slopes up at the end, too. Like a ski jump, you think dimly.

He does another sort-of laugh and you smile slightly at the way his nostrils flare a bit as he does.

Then you're down to his lips, and you're immediately fawning over the way his teeth stick out just barely, even though this is something you see all the fucking time. You think it's because you're finally struck with the realization that the whole reason you can almost always see his front teeth is less because of the fact that they're bigger than average, and more because he's smiling all the time.

And that just does funny things to your heart.

They're a nice color as well, his lips. You can't really see it all too well just by the light of the TV, but you know they're a nice color.

Just like how you know that they're soft.

Fuck.

 

You really want to kiss him.

 

You swallow slightly and try to turn your attention to the TV, but you find your eyes getting caught on Rose because

Well, because she's watching you.

And raising her eyebrows.

Oh god, no fucking way could she have been able to tell you were watching John. You're wearing sunglasses, goddammit, they're supposed to protect you from this kind of bullshit.

'What?' You mouth over to her. You think you can just make out her eye roll.

She mouths something back, but you guess you suck at lip reading because you can't make it out. You can basically feel her rolling her eyes this time as she nudges her head over in John's direction.

Your face heats and you try to think of some sort of excuse for just creeping on John like that, but that's when you start to realize that you can feel something massaging your leg or something.

You look down and it's John's hand and he's

He's kneading.

You glance back up at Rose just in time to see her eyebrows disappear into her hairline.

You turn to John, and he's still watching the movie. Completely focused on it.

But he's still kneading your fucking leg.

You are pretty sure this is a cat thing.

At least, you hope this is a cat thing.

You tug him closer and you hear some barely perceptible purrs fluctuate and yep, this is a cat thing.

You lick your lips slightly before you rest your head atop John's, training your eyes on the TV.

"John," you whisper, barely loud enough to hear yourself. You feel John's ears twitch beneath you, and you bury your face into him so he can hear better when you mutter, "you're purring."

He jolts a bit beneath you, starting to make a panicked meowing sound before he slaps his hands over his mouth. He shifts against you, and you draw back so he can look back at you. His eyes have blown wide, and you totally don't miss the feeling of his hand on your leg or anything.

Pfft, totally not.

'Really?' He mouths to you. You nod slightly, and he glances over to where Rose and Jade are sitting (you see Rose watching you two from the corner of her eyes, the witch.) When he turns back to you, he opens his mouth, but you already know what he's going to ask.

'They didn't hear,' you mouth. He let's out a breath, and you lean down to him again so you can whisper, "just wanted to make sure. In case it got louder."

He grins sheepishly at you, glancing over at Rose and Jade again before kissing your left cheek quickly. When he pulls back, you're both blushing.

Except he's smiling really widely, and you're pretty sure you look really stupid and probably brain dead. You might as well be brain dead, your mind is both blank and really fucking loud at the same time all of the sudden.

"Thanks." He mumbles.

You snap yourself out of it just in time to mutter out a quick, "no problem."

When he settles back against you to keep watching the movie, you stare blankly in front of you for a moment before you spot Rose smirking at you.

Your cheeks flush and you send her the middle finger over John's shoulder as you nuzzle against him, getting comfortable for the rest of the movie.

You only get about ten more minutes of peace before you hear Jade giggling.

When you turn your eyes to her, she has her hand over her mouth.

And of course she's looking at you and John.

So is Rose.

She's still smirking.

Son of a bitch.

You raise your eyebrow at Harley, who snorts slightly before she can stop herself.

"You're just-- son of a hecking fuck! You two are adooorrable!"

You feel John heat beneath you, and he nuzzles further against you, trying to hide himself away from everyone else. You do your best to set him at ease by winding your arms around him more securely, and tugging him closer.

Which just so happens to lead to him sitting in your lap.

You bury your face into his shoulder to hide your own blush.

Jade giggles even more, and you think you hear a short laugh from Rose.

"It's kinda funny how you two can go from best friends to boyfriends so easily."

Your head snaps up.

"This-- how the-- we aren't--"

"Oh be careful, Jade. It appears Strider still is not accustomed to the notion of public affection."

John snickers and you bury your head again, mumbling incoherently into his shoulder.

"Aw come on guys, go easy on him."

"Pfft, you wish!"

"The day I go easy on him will be... Well, now that I think about it, never."

"Fuck you, Lalonde." You grumble into John. He laughs more when you do. "I thought I could trust you, I thought you were my sister."

"Half-sister. And I believe being your sister allows me to be more of a bitch?"

"I restate: fuck you."

"Look at the way he's hiding behind John, that's so cute!"

"Jade," John warns.

"John," Jade mimics.

"Dave," you mumble into John.

Jade laughs, John snorts, and you feel the force of Rose's eye roll.

It's kind of impressive you can tell at this point.

Or spooky.

Or sad.

"Can we just watch the shitty movie?" You grumble finally.

"I wanna get a picture first--"

"Harley, don't you dare." You snap.

"Please, just one photo?"

"No."

"Please--"

"Nope, sit your ass back down and watch the fucking spider dude sling some webs."

"Spoils sport."

"Oh woe is you, how bad I feel for depriving you of such a staple of life."

"Both of you, shush." John says, papping your arm slightly where it's wrapped in front of him. You rest your head against him and close your eyes, grumbling.

You listen distantly to everyone talk until you slowly

Feel yourself

Drifting into

Sleep.

You really wish you hadn't pulled an all nighter now.

Son of a fuck.

\---

"... Fine. I'm fine, Rose."

"Are you sure? I've noticed that you've been a little high strong these past few weeks, and I've noticed with Dave that--"

"Rose, I have it under control."

"Yes well, I'm wondering if Dave wasn't ready for a relationship?"

There's a pause, and you resist the urge to open your eyes to see the look on John's face.

"... Fuck, you don't really think that, do you?"

"Well I'm not sure, I just want to know that you're pacing this."

"Well shit, I'm doing my best!"

"John, are you implying that you are actively resisting certain urges--"

"Bluh, Rose! Do you have to say it like that? Ugh..."

"You didn't answer my question."

"... Do we have to have this conversation here? If we have to have it?"

"I don't think we really have much choice, considering the fact that Dave appears to be clinging to you pretty tightly."

Your cheeks begin to heat, and you nuzzle yourself into John to hide it as casually as you can, still acting the best you can like you're asleep.

You feel John lean a little more snuggly back into you, letting out a small sigh, and you smile before you can help yourself.

"Well... I'm guessing... I'm guessing you already know how long I've liked him?"

"I think so. Dave wasn't so far off earlier when he said you'd liked him ever since you met, is that correct?"

"... Yeah. Pretty much."

You feel his blush, and you see his sheepish smile in your minds eye. You smile even wider into him, and you hope to god that he won't be able to notice it.

"May I ask why?"

"I don't know... Just something, uh... Something about him."

You recall distantly him telling you about some smell or something like that.

"So I think I can confidently say that Dave has been the center of your sexual fantasies for quite some time?"

"Rose!"

You aren't blushing anymore, you aren't. You aren't you aren't you aren't.

"And also that you, being a sixteen year old boy, are dealing with the hormonal spiking a of growing up. AKA, you are pretty fucking horny."

"Rose, please!" John hisses.

"And while you have been pining after David for quite some time, and have developed your feelings towards him, Dave is new to all of this; he most likely has not realized a lot of his feelings, especially since he's as emotionally underdeveloped as a tomato, and it probably does not help that he is definitely leaning towards the more romantic side of sexuality."

"Oh my god..."

"Basically, John, what I'm saying is... You may have to wait a while."

"I knew that already, Rose." You hear John mumble, and it sounds muffled. He's probably burying his face into his hands. What a dork, being embarrassed by this.

You're not.

Embarrassed, you mean.

Totally fucking not.

Because it's not like Rose didn't just say all of that.

Oh no, not at all.

"John, I can tell you're struggling with this. You seem a little robotic around Dave, a little like you're trying too hard."

"What-- really? Do you think he's noticed? Fuck, Rose, what if he thinks I'm uncomfortable with him or, or, or--"

"You're fine, John." Rose cuts in. "Dave barely notices when it's day or night, I doubt he'd notice something like that."

God fucking dammit, Rose.

"Anyways, I was going to suggest ways to help you get through the wait."

"Uhh..."

"Don't worry, John. I don't mind. I'll keep this strictly professional, try and make it less awkward."

"... We're talking about my need to hump Dave into a wall. I don't think there's anything that could make this not awkward."

"It's just a suggestion, I don't have to--"

"No please," John says quickly. "Some... Advice, I guess? Advice would be good. If it would make it easier for both of us, I mean... I don't know..."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever, let's get this over with."

You can feel John's stub tail twitching. Fuck, that is weird.

"Cold showers could probably help." Rose starts quickly.

"I've uh... I've tried cold showers. Doesn't work."

"Really. How does..."

"It just... Doesn't work. Drop it, Rose. Please." John says, and the embarrassment is blatant in his voice.

Funny because you aren't embarrassed at all. Absolutely not.

"... Alright, then... I'm guessing you've tried everything else you could to distract yourself from...?"

"... Yeah."

"And none of it worked?"

"... Um... No."

"Really?"

"Rose," John warns.

"Sorry, right." Rose says. There's a beat of silence until you hear Rose clear her throat.

"So, have you tried to let out the tension by masturba--"

"Rose!"

"You asked for my help, and this is me helping. You don't have to answer the question, but if you don't, I won't be able to help."

You are really, really tempted to pretend to wake up so that this conversation could stop because you honestly think your face is going to burn through John's shirt.

But you can't bring yourself to do it.

You are a curious motherfucker.

"... Um. I... I've um... I... Fuck, uh... I couldn't..."

"You couldn't finish?"

John doesn't reply, but he does slink back into you.

"Why not?" Rose asks carefully.

"It... Um, I guess I felt kinda... It wasn't... I..."

"It wasn't him so you couldn't finish."  
"... I... Yeah."

Oh god yep okay you are blushing full on fuck call a fire department.

Shit, you are not hearing this.

"But like I said before, he has been the center of your sexual fantasies for a while. And I assume this hasn't exactly been a problem before?"

Oh my god oh fucking Christ shit on a stick.

"N-not, not... Oh my god, this is so weird and embarrassing and gross and... Do we have to talk about this?"

"So is it only every once in a while where you get hormonal spikes or just recently, now that he's your boyfriend?" Rose says, completely ignoring John's question and lalalalala you aren't listening to any of this nope lalalala.

"A-a... A, um... Sh-shit, a bit of both?"

LALALALALA.

NOT LISTENING.

"Well that's perfectly normal, you don't need to be embarrassed about it."

"Mmhmm, yeah, easy for you to say."

"Though this does mean that the only logical suggestion I could make is for you to talk to Dave about this."

"What? No! No, fuck no! Hell fucking no! I couldn't... No, I couldn't force that on him." John says hurriedly, taking your hand and holding it, almost protectively.

All of your embarrassment drops.

"He's clearly not... I don't know, he isn't ready for that kind of... Not yet, at least? He's obviously just not comfortable with it yet and... No, I couldn't, Rose."

"... That's all I have, John. I'm afraid I can't help you any further."

"No, that's... That's okay. Thanks anyways."

"That's really sweet of you, John. I can admire you for waiting so long to get with him, and now waiting even more."

"Thanks..."

"Really, John. I'm glad I can trust you with my brother."

"Half-brother," John corrects.

"Brother." Rose restates.

Oh. Oh god damn it.

That bitch. She's gotta be doing this on purpose, you can't

Fuck.

You hug John tighter automatically because fuck, you're really sorry.

You're sorry you're such a shit head and can't help him out and that you're making this harder for him and that you can't just get over yourself.

Damn it.

God fucking damn it, the sweet little dork is just trying so hard for you.

For you, of all people. The nerd fell for you.

What the fuck is your heart doing, Jesus Christ.

You think you just fell a little harder for the dork.

You want to say something, but you don't think you have the guts to face him about any of that yet.

You bury your face further into him and nuzzle as close as you can until you fall asleep again, instead.

Maybe one day you'll stop being a pussy long enough to stop being selfish, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oookkayyyyyy here we go  
> This one is  
> Iffy  
> Uh  
> Tell me what you think about the direction?


	9. Scaredy Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yoU FUCKED UP

Your wake up call is uh

Well, it definitely wakes you up.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck fuck!"

Your eyes are open in seconds.

John is on the floor just beside the couch where you are, and he's squirming around like he's the most uncomfortable person in the world.

You glance over at Rose and Jade's couch and find them missing, but then you remember the girl curfew momma Lalonde put up. Girls in guest bedroom by 1am. Right. So you gotta deal with this-- whatever this is-- by yourself.

"Damn it, fuck all fucking damn it, fuck fuck--"

"John, you uh, you need some help, or--?"

He jumps about two feet in the air, scrambling back from the couch and making a loud, panicked meowing sound before he slaps his hands over his mouth, eyes wide (pupils really, really fucking big) as he stares at you.

"Dave!" He says, the exclamation muffled by his hands. He quickly drops them and starts squirming nervously, shifting himself further and further away from you.

"... I'll take that as a 'no', then?"

He huffs, and it's only then that you realize his breathing seems really labored. And then you see the sweat on his forehead, sticking his bangs to his face slightly.

So he's basically just... Okay yeah, this is weird.

"Dude, you gonna answer me ever, or...?"

He lets out a long breath, clearly trying to relax himself as he closes his eyes.

"I'm fine," he mutters. A crease forms in between his eyebrows and he starts to rub his ankles together. "I'm fine, I'm fine, it's okay-- damn it, fuck, I'm fine!"

"Uh-huh..." You say, slowly easing yourself down onto the floor. It kinda feels like your trying not to scare a rabbit. Or, more accurately, a cat.

Wow, your inner voice is stupid as fuck.

"John--"

He hears you coming closer and he jumps back further, eyes snapping open.

"Nonono, don't come closer. Please, give me space. I-- I need--"

He swallows, trying yet again to get himself under control. You follow his wishes and freeze where you are.

"Can you at least tell me what's wrong?" You ask slowly.

His hand twitches and he makes a pained look briefly before he drops his head backwards, and you can see his chest heaving as he breathes.

"Dream," he mutters, staring up at the ceiling.

"Bad dream...?" You venture, still talking slowly because... Well, you don't really know why. It just feels like the right thing to do. Instinct.

"... Sort of?" He squeaks.

"Go on,"

You see him bite his lip, and you think he's blushing but you can't really tell because you're kinda just going by moonlight here and--

"Sexy dream."

Yep, he is definitely blushing.

Oh, would you look at that?

Now you are, too.

Your eyes trail automatically to his crotch, and yep his cockhammer is trying to say hello.

He tries his best to readjust himself.

Nothing seems to work.

You are now fully aware that his gun is locked and loaded.

"Sorry," he chokes, squirming still.

 

You swallow. Hard.

 

You lick your lips carefully, the gears in your head desperately trying to turn.

"Don't be, uh, sorry..." You mumble.

Your eyes totally aren't still trailing to his crotch or anything.

Fuck.

"Dave--"

You freeze, and it's then that you realize you had slowly been moving closer.

You blush and sit back.

Fuck.

What do you do.

You sit there for another short moment before Rose's conversation flashes through your head and

And oh fuck you

You think this is it.

"John," you say softly as you start crawling closer again. He tenses and starts to scramble away, but you stop briefly to say, "no, stay."

He makes this strangled sound and you think for a second that you've gone too far.

You decide you don't care when you see how he's even more breathless than before.

Jesus Christ, cat hormones must be a bitch.

"Try not to freak." You whisper as you place your hands on either side of him. You glance down at his crotch again because its just fucking magnetized or something before staring determinedly at John's face.

"Dave," John starts shakily, leaning back a bit. You don't miss the way his eyes shift constantly from your shades to your mouth. "Dave, what are you--"

You steel yourself for what you are most likely getting into, and stop his lips with your own.

John freezes.

You sort of do, too, worried you just kissed really stupidly maybe or--

Nope, that's a moan. He's moaning.

Or maybe more accurately, he's fucking melting.

He basically just groans into your mouth, his hands immediately moving to curl into your hair, and the small tug he gives somehow draws a sound from you as well. His eyes have fluttered shut, but yours stay open and trained carefully on him as you slowly move your lips against him.

You can tell John isn't all that happy with the slow pace, but he's doing his best.

He's doing his best for you.

That sets you at ease a bit, and your eyes lid slightly.

He quickly tugs at your bottom lip, and if movies and shitty fanfiction is anything to go by, you're pretty sure that means he wants to fuck your mouth with his tongue.

You find that you actually aren't all that opposed to the idea, and part your lips.

His tongue meets yours and some more tension leaks out of you, and your eyes finally relent and slip shut.

The first thing you determine is yes, you are pretty sure you have no idea what you're doing.

But John moans into you and shifts closer, so you're pretty sure you aren't doing too bad.

Unless he's just too horny to care. Maybe that's a thing.

He tugs your hair again, and your hands automatically shoot to curl into the front of his shirt and he takes your tongue and he sucks on it and you groan because holy shit.

You can't

Just

Holy shit.

Now you're moving closer, too, the distance between you two suddenly feeling like the fucking Grand Canyon.

When your chest presses against his, you gasp for some reason you aren't able to place, causing you to break the kiss.

John growls because of that and quickly reclaims your lips and that just fucking does something to you because now your breathing is heavier and you can feel your pulse racing and why did he stop kissing you what is he

"Fuck--" You quickly bite your lip to try and keep from making any other sound because he just bit your fucking neck, but as soon as he relents and kisses it lightly before sucking, the tension leaks again and you find yourself not only moaning but also extending your neck a bit to give him more access because you

You don't know.

Your mind is blanking.

You can't

Think.

Which is why it takes you so long to realize John's pushed you back onto the floor and is sitting on top of you.

He grabs your wrists and holds them above you in one hand, using his other to tug your head even more to the side as he goes back to work on your neck, this time further up closer to your jaw.

The sound you make when he sucks on a certain part of your jaw, further by your ear, honestly surprises you because it's so fucking loud and obscene it just makes you blush even more.

Which is pretty fucking impressive.

John, however, seems to like the sound, considering he instantly goes down harder on that spot, causing you to bite your lip hard enough to make it bleed with the effort it takes to not make another stupidly loud sound.

You dimly notice the flicker of John's ears beneath his hat before his face is inches from yours, and you find yourself drowning in how fucking big his pupils are. If you thought they were impressive before, now they really are just kind of alien.

And hazy.

They look hazy or glazed or something, you don't really know because your brain hasn't started back up again.

And it double shorts-out when John licks at your bloody lip, and you just barely register the fact that your mouth has parted obediently and John is now slipping his tongue back into your mouth and

You feel like your entire body's just been dropped in cold water because he just ground down against you and

You're so stupid, why did you think you could do this.

You can't do this.

Holy fuck, you can't do this.

"John--" You're cut off when he quickly tries to reclaim your lips. You jerk your head to the side and instead of realizing that something's up, he just growls in frustration.

Fucking hell, cat hormones are terrifying.

"John please, I can't, I can't, I--" Your voice catches, and you swallow harshly, jamming your eyes shut to try and calm down your racing heart and rapid breaths and basically just trying not to be so panicked and fucking scared but holy fucking shit you can't do this, you can't do it, you can't, you can't, god, fuck, you can't

You feel the weight on top of you move off and you feel your wrists get released, and your eyes force themselves open to see John pushing himself back against the side of a couch, eyes still wide and slightly hazy, but definitely less than just before but god he looks terrified. Fuck, how do you look? You probably look like shit. You feel like shit. You just made him go through all of that just to cut him off. That was probably worse than anything he's had to deal with before.

"I'm sorry," you choke, running a shaky hand through your hair as you force yourself upright with your elbow. Your voice is shakier than your hand, and your heart is still pumping like a crazed lunatic.

He doesn't reply, just tries to breath like a normal human being. He fails spectacularly because his breaths are way too labored. He curls his legs up and hugs them and you can't believe you just did that to him, you can't believe you just forced him through that.

"I'm so sorry, dude. Fuck, I'm so sorry."

He shakes his head and buries his face into his legs, and you can't believe how much you fucked up. Why did you think you could help, why did you think you could force yourself through it, why did you just have to suck so much at doing things right.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry."

You can't do this relationship thing, you'll just keep messing things up and fucking John over. He doesn't deserve any of this, he's been trying hard enough for you already and he doesn't need you making it fucking harder.

"I'm sorry, fuck, fuck, I'm sorry. I'm sor--"

"Dave, shut up!" Your mouth snaps shut and you sit there, watching John in what you're pretty sure is fear.

"Just... Ugh, please stop saying you're sorry. I can't-- just don't apologize. Please, for my own fucking sanity."

"No, no, you're right. S-- I mean, yeah. Just, John, I-- damn it, I didn't mean to--"

"No, I know. Just fucking... Shut up."

You make sure your lips are pressed tightly together before you nod slightly, keeping your eyes trained carefully on John.

He's still curled in on himself.

You feel like such a huge piece of shit, it's honestly just kind of really fucking disgusting.

You're disgusting.

You want to hug him and just keep saying your sorry but you really can't do either despite how large the temptation is and fuck you think you need to go talk to someone you can't just sit here and watch as he curls further and further in on himself and its all your fault it's all

"I think I'm gonna get some water or something," you say quickly, interrupting your thoughts as you force yourself up and leave the living room, completely ignoring the kitchen and booking it to the guest bedroom.

You need to talk to someone desperately before your own stupid, self deprecating thoughts suffocate you.

You hesitate only briefly outside the door before you realize that if you wait any longer you'll feel like a greater pile of shit.

You open the door and slink into the room, shutting it behind you as quietly as you can.

Because you really do not want to see the disapproving glare of Rose just yet.

"Jade," you whisper, walking quietly over to her bed. "Jade, wake your ass up. I need girl advice."

You crouch down so your face is level with hers, which is turned sideways towards the door on the bed.

"Jade, come on." You keep pestering. You watch her steady inhale and exhale of sleep before you let out a sigh, and you relax yourself in defeat, staring down at the floor. "Please."

"Huhwha--"

Your attention jolts back to Jade, and you feel relief wash over you as soon as you see her wide open, definitely awake eyes.

You don't think you would have done so well if you'd had to deal with this alone, you were never too good with that.

"Oh thank fucking Christ," you breath out, shifting a little closer to her as she blinks for a moment before squinting over at you.

"Dave?" She asks carefully, voice thick from sleep.

"Nope, Homer Simpson." You reply skittishly. You quickly retrieve her glasses from the bedside table and hand them to her. She mumbles out a sticky 'thanks' before clumsily putting them on, blinking rapidly again for a moment before she finally manages to focus on you.

She yawns into her hand right as you see her eyebrows knit in confusion.

"What are you doing, where's John, why isn't Rose--?"

"Jade, I fucked up." You interrupt. Her eyes instantly widen and she shifts up a bit better.

"Dave, oh my god, what happened to you-- what-- y-your jaw--!"

Oh. Right. Hickey. Bites.

You slap your hand to where you assume the mark is, ignoring it otherwise as you babble further.

"I can't do this relationship shit, I'm pretty sure I'm putting John through hell and please, for fucks sake, keep your voice down. I don't want Rose to wake up, she'd murder me."

Her eyes widen further, impossibly.

"Dave, what did you do?" She hisses, leaning towards you.

"I thought I could do it, but I can't do it." You blurt. You know you're probably going to regret telling her so much later, but right now you really just need to fucking talk.

You also don't think you ever really fully got all your brain power back, you left most of it with John.

"What are you--?"

"Jade, if you thought I was badass or cool before, I want you to know that that image is gonna fuckin' shatter right now. It's gonna shatter so hard it'll turn into a fine fuckin' dust that you'll probably inhale and you'll get fuckin' lung cancer an' you'll be sittin' in the hospital with my fake-ass image fuckin' up your lungs an' you'll just keep thinkin' I'm the biggest loser because I am, I am the biggest motherfuckin' loser there is--"

"Dave," she interrupts you, eyes full of concern. "You're rambling."

"Right, right, I'm rambling. Shit, sorry, I just..." You let out a breath, shakily carding your fingers through your hair. "I fucked up so bad, Jade."

Her eyebrows knit further, and she slides out of her bed onto the floor next to you. She places a comforting hand on your arm and rubs slightly, stooping her head down to try and catch your eyes, which are trained determinedly on the floor.

"Shh, you probably didn't screw up so bad, Dave. I mean, fuck, you're talking about John, right? There isn't any way he could be upset with you or--"

"Oh god, that's fuckin' worse." You say helplessly, burying your face in your hands.

She shifts closer and wraps her arm around your shoulder, resting her head gently against yours as she murmurs sounds and comforting phrases.

You kind of feel like the biggest fucking baby in the world because of it.

But it does help.

A bit.

Maybe.

God, you fucked up.

"Just tell me what happened," she whispers. You kind of automatically lean into her a bit more, her tone of voice comforting and maybe even a little reassuring.

You try not to think too hard about how bad John had looked. How you could see him shaking a bit, even.

You drop your hands from your face and play with your fingers in your lap, eyes trained carefully on them as you figure out how to word that you basically fucked John over really, really badly.

"No comments... While I explain." You say carefully, chancing a glance over in Jade's direction. She smiles sweetly, and it reminds you of when you first met.

You swallow and try and force your mouth to work because the longer you sit here, the worse you feel.

"So John has been crushin' on me for a while, right? And he got his whole shit sorted about it, like fucking filed and color coated or whatever..." You inwardly wince at how stupid your wording is. You let out another breath and make yourself continue.

"He likes me a lot, I guess. An' he wants to, like... You know... He likes me enough t'wanna, like... Do the fuckin' do."

You hate how your explaining this so much, but at least Jade isn't laughing in your face about it. You think you hear her open her mouth, like she wants to say something, but as you glance over to her you see her shut her mouth tightly and smiles encouragingly at you.

Sometimes you wonder why you have such kickass friends.

"An' he's been having trouble an' shit, I guess. With that whole, uh... You know, the fuckin'... Hormones or whatever. I don't... I'm still figuring shit out like the pussy I am, so... I just can't bring myself ta..."

"Is that what you just realized?" She asks softly, saving you from further struggles with finding the right words. You nod dumbly and wonder how stupid you look right now.

Her hold around you tightens momentarily as she gently knocks her head against yours.

"I think it's okay; judging by how you're reacting right now, I'd say you care a fair bit about him. And overall, I'm pretty sure that's all John really cares about. He just needs some space to calm himself down or something."

"He was havin' such a hard time before an' I just waltzed right over an' made it worse." You mumble pathetically as you rest your head on her shoulder. She shoosh's and paps you lightly, and you close your eyes to try and block out any more depressing thoughts.

"How did you leave him?"

You're cut out of your semi-peaceful trance by the sharp voice, and you jolt your eyes open to look over and see Rose sitting on the edge of her bed. You swallow the initial fear of her fucking all-judgmental eyes, and quickly turn your gaze back to your lap.

"I kind of just made some bullshit excuse about getting water... Fuck, I don't know. I just--"

You're cut off by the sound of the door slamming, and when you look up, Rose is gone.

"Shit," you breathe, staring hopelessly at the door for a moment before turning back to Jade and burying yourself into her shoulders.

"Why do I suck so much at this?" You whine pathetically as Jade wraps her arms more securely around you. "Now Rose is pissed--"

"She just went to talk to John, probably." Jade whispers gently.

"Who's my fuckin' boyfriend, who I left in the worst possible fucking way, who I should be talkin' to but I can't because I'm too much of a goddamn wimp. She has all the right in the world to be pissed at me, but John has even more right and it sucks so much because I know he probably isn't pissed at me at all and I kind of wish he'd just come in here and slap me or something because I fucked up so monumentally--"

"Stop worrying, you big baby." She mutters, and though the words are harsh, the way she says it is more reassuring than anything.

"I suck so much," you grumble into her shoulders.

"You don't."

"I do."

"You don't."

"I fucking do."

"No you fucking don't; you said you hadn't done anything like that yet."

You snort slightly and pull away from her just enough to watch her eyes glint as she smiles down at you.

"Whatever, Harley." You mutter as you settle back against her.

\---

When you wake up, you feel like shit.and for a moment, you aren't really sure why.

And then you remember what happened last night and you groan as you roll over, deciding you'd rather just stay asleep.

Well, you try to roll over.

But you kind of can't, considering someone is tightly wrapped around you and you are kinda wrapped around them. Or more specifically, your face is kinda pressed into their chest and your arms are loosely hanging around them and

It takes you a moment to recognize the pale blue shirt, but when you do, your body completely freezes.

The last thing you remember is laying down next to Jade after she pestered you enough to try and sleep and you are pretty fucking sure this isn't Jade.

You try and maneuver yourself out of his grip as gently as you can, so as not to wake him up.

"He couldn't go to sleep without you."

You jolt and almost knock your forehead against John's in your panic.

You turn your head around as best you can to stare cautiously at Rose, who's watching you from her own bed, book open in her lap, in what appears to be amusement.

Amusement is good.

Amusement is not rage or frustration.

You can work with amusement.

"Where's Jade?" You ask, voice thick from sleep.

You aren't trying to distract yourself from John next to you, really. You're honestly just very curious about the whereabouts of Jade.

Honest.

"She woke up a while ago and I believe she's making breakfast." She says simply, turning to her book and licking her finger before she flips the page.

"Why's she making breakfast, aren't you supposed to be the gracious host of this whole ordeal?"

"Of course. And a host would not be a very good one were she to deny the wishes of her guests."

"Jade wanted to make breakfast." You deadpan, resisting the urge to smile when John tugs you closer and mumbles incoherently in his sleep.

"She suggested it and I told her the idea was simply splendid." She states matter-of-factly down at her book.

There's silence for a moment before you turn back to John and finally allow yourself to smile, mostly out of what you are pretty sure is relief.

He missed you.

Couldn't sleep without you.

Why the fuck does your chest feel so weird and tight.

"Don't think you're getting off the hook, Strider. I'm still going to beat your ass for ever thinking what you did was a good idea."

Your smile drops instantly and your eyes trail over John's relaxed features as he tugs you closer still until your face is merely inches from his sleeping one, and your chests are lightly pressing together.

It reminds you of last night and you absently kiss his forehead in apology before you can really register what you're doing.

Or remember that Rose is still in the room with you.

She thankfully doesn't comment.

However, she does quickly shut her book and hop out of bed, and you hear the door open behind you before you send a brief glance over at her.

She turns back to meet your gaze for a moment before raising her book up and simply saying, "I need someplace quiet to read. We'll talk later."

And then she's gone.

 

You immediately turn back to John and press your foreheads together, closing your eyes so you can just listen to his even breathing and sort out your thoughts.

You find yourself just kissing his face a bunch for some stupid reason.

"Not that I'm against this," you hear John say thickly, and you smile against his forehead as you kiss it. "But what is up with you, dude?"

You tug him closer to you and shove your face into his hat.

"Just shut your face and let me do this." You grumble into him.

You still can't really understand why you were so scared before or why you're so relieved now, but...

You think his sleepy laugh is the most amazing thing you've ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sloppy mishmash of shit, idk  
> Drama!!!!!  
> DAVE IS EXPERIENCING EMOTIONS!!!!!!  
> Ugh what am I doing


	10. Feline Clingy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave experiences more emotions and then there are things woopty doo

You've been cuddling with John for a good ten minutes before you finally decide to say something.

"I'm s--"

"If you say you're sorry, I swear to god I'm getting out of this bed and walking out that door."

You hug him tighter against you and make a stupid, four-year-old-esque sound of protest. He laughs into your chest and you bury your head into the top of his.

"Jesus, you became the clingy one fast." He says amusedly. You huff and turn your face out to the side so that your cheek is resting on his head instead, and glare over at the far side of the room.

"M'not fuckin' clingy." You grumble, and he laughs even more.

"Sure, this isn't clingy at all."

You squeeze your arms around him tightly for a moment and he makes a strained sound that makes you grin as you ease your hold. He pinches your arm in retaliation, and you yelp before you can stop yourself.

He laughs more and you try and occupy yourself with staring at the bookcase in the corner of the room.

"I hate to say it, dude, but if you feeling like you messed up will lead to this outcome, maybe you should mess up more often."

"You sure are pushin' it, Egbert." You mutter, and he rolls his eyes before he rests his forehead against yours.

You sorta hate how that somehow magically gets rid of all of your embarrassment and frustration.

Fuck him and his googoo eyes (that you find yourself adoring more and more as the days go by and you grow more accustomed to the fact that you're with him, you're together, you belong to each other in a sense, though you distantly feel as though you've belonged to each other for a while. He's always understood you and you've always understood him and every little thing he does. You understand that when he puffs out his cheeks just a little bit, he's agitated. Or when he fiddles with his glasses, he's uncomfortable. Or that when he bites his lip you should talk to him, or when he shuffles his feet, or when he picks at his shirt, or when he stares at the sky, or when he taps his fingers, or when)

"It's not your fault, you know. So stop feeling bad about it."

You blink back into focus and your eyes meet his. He's smiling softly, and his eyebrows are drawn together just slightly, causing a small crease.

You find yourself unable to resist the urge again, and you attempt to kiss the offending mark from his forehead.

Your stupid, subconscious plan works when he smiles as you do. When you pull back, you're definitely sporting some color in your cheeks. Your eyes dart defensively away.

"It was totally my fault," you mutter. He knocks his head lightly against yours and lets out a little laugh.

"Was not,"

"Was too," you find yourself grinning at the wall.

"Was not."

You turn your smile to him, "was too."

"Was not." "Was too." "Was not." "Was too."

"Not." "Too." "Not." "Totally too." "Totally not."

You try a different approach, "Heck fricking too."

"Shit fucking not."

Damn it. You gotta try again.

"Assbutt."

"Dickwang." He grins stupidly at you, and you press your heads together further, your noses barely touching.

"Poopshit." You shoot back.

"Uh... Undie... Panties... Fuck."

The laugh escapes you before you can even really register it.

He quickly joins in.

"You're such a fucking nerd--" you start.

"Yeah, well you're just a big dumb dork!"

"I'm not the dork, you're the dork."

"We're both dorks."

"Dorks together."

"Forever."

"Five-ever."

John snorts, poking your cheek, which causes you to lean away.

"You need to stop." He mutters amusedly.

"Nope," you say, grinning as you rest your forehead back against his. "I said five-ever, and I mean five-ever."

"Yeah, well... I'm saying six-ever." He sticks out his tongue at you, and you quickly poke at it with your own so that he jolts back and you laugh again.

"Infinity." You say triumphantly, and he grumbles sourly as he rests back against you.

"I still win because I liked you first." He whines, imitating you from earlier and sounding like a fucking toddler. You snicker and roll your eyes behind your shades.

"Did not." You don't even know what drove you to say it.

"Did too, I smelt it." He remarks, unfazed.

"That is both weird and kinda gross."

"Is not."

"Is too."

He giggles and moves a hand up to move a strand of hair out of your face. You blink dumbly for a moment at the action, before you smile like a sappy idiot.

"We are not arguing again, dickass."

"That wasn't arguing, shithole, that was contradiction."

He rolls his eyes, grin widening as he plays lightly with your hair. You think you sort of really like it when he does that.

"Same difference, you big nerd." He mutters.

"Except not at all because an argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes."

He stares at you for a moment, hand still against your hair, before he he moves his face just a little closer to yours. You raise your eyebrow in question at his concentrated expression.

"You just quoted that from Monty Python, didn't you."

You grin sheepishly, "Maybe."

He snorts, fingers twirling back into your hair.

"I should start making you pay me every time you do something nerdy, because I swear I would get rich."

"Yeah right. If I got paid for every time you said something nerdy, I could buy a fucking planet."

"At least I embrace my nerdiness, instead of trying to hide it under layer upon layer of irony."

"I don't think you understand, John. There is not a single iota of nerdy in my body. Everything about me is cool, therefore everything I like is cool."

"So... Does that mean I'm cool?"

"Yeah see, you're the enigma. No matter what, you are just the fucking polar opposite of cool."

"So, I'm hot."

"That's pushing it."

"But I'm attractive?"

"Mildly."

He grins like an egotistical asshole, and you knock your head lightly against his.

"I said mildly, not 'hot damn, you're one smoking mama.' Stop making that face."

"No." He presses the tip of his nose against yours, and you swear you can see all thirty-two of his teeth, he's grinning so big. "You called me attractive."

"Sort of." You defend.

"You think I'm hot." He sing-songs.

"Nope, I said mildly. Fuck you." You're blushing. No you aren't. Abjure. Abjure, abjure, abjure.

"You are oddly defensive, Dave." He quickly moves to kiss the tip of your nose, and you sing yourself a fucking opera to deny the fact that you practically just burst into flames.

His mischievous grin cracks wider, "I think you do."

"Not."

"Oh, you definitely do."

"You know what? I'm revoking all your remaining attractive points. You aren't even mildly attractive anymore. You're just an asshole." You mutter, and he snickers as he pulls himself as close as he can get, head resting just below your chin. You grumble incoherently as you nuzzle the top of your head, scowling slightly.

"You should take off your hat, it's stupid and getting in the way of proper cuddles."

"Well aren't you picky."

"Yes I am. I deserve only the very best, Egbuns. If you can't give me it, I gotta wonder about the quality of this relationship."

"Yah, well, I would take it off, but too risky." He says, nuzzling his head into your chest. You make a face at his stupid excuse.

"But no one's here, that's so stupid."

"Risky."

"John, come on, you are being the biggest wang right now. And I ain't even talking about being a descendant of a prince from the Shang dynasty. Or 'cheek' in fucking German, though that might work if it was a particularly shitty one. Because you are a shitty asscheek, John. That's what you are."

There's silence for a moment until John shifts so that his face is turned out, and you can only just see his face, which for some reason makes you think distantly, 'you like krabby patties, don't you Squidward?'

"... You wanna play with my hair, don't you, Dave?"

Fuck him.

"Fuck you."

He pulls back and grins widely at you.

"Oh my god, you totally do! That's kinda cute, actually."

"I'm not cute and I didn't want to play with your stupid hair, go fuck yourself." You say, voice raising slightly near the end as you disentangle yourself from John so you can (totally not) go pout on your own like a sour three-year-old (but not because you don't want to and if you did, it would be for ironies sake.)

John laughs as he protests, fighting to tug you back for more cuddles.

"Aww, Dave, come on. Stop acting like a big poopy butt."

"Nope, I am done. Have you checked your privilege, because I think you just lost it." You reply sourly, swatting his hand away (like a girl but not but yes) as he grabs for your arm. He snorts in the middle of a giggle, and proceeds to laugh even harder afterwards as you continue to have a mini battle on the bed.

"Okay, okay, okay," John relents eventually, laughter bubbling his words. You ease your hold from his shoulders where you were pushing him away, and watch as he tries to collect himself.

"Okay, how about this; I'll take off my hat," he pauses, finger pointing to the stupid thing. You raise your eyebrow for the second part, not liking the mischievous grin on his face.

"... If your take off your glasses." He finishes, turning his finger to brush gently along the side of said shades.

Crafty bastard.

"But you fail to remember that I've already seen your ears, Eggy. Ain't nothing new and exciting to me." You say, reaching up to place your hands on his hat, feeling for the strange cat ears. When you find them, you scratch lightly and he leans up into your hand, eyes fluttering just barely as he bites his lip.

"Yessbut--" he blinks a few times, trying to focus again (and you grin like the bastard you are). "You want to see my-- ears. Don't you?"

He seems to emphasize his point by butting his head up into your hand, but you know it's just a shitty way for him to try and get you to scratch some more. Because you're a bit of a sucker, you indulge him and start scratching again.

You're also just kind of interested in seeing him act more cat-like, but mostly, you're just a wimp for those anime ass eyes of his.

"And who's to-- who's to say when you'll get another chance to, uh... To..."

His words are starting to get drowned out by his purrs, and you grin in triumph at the warm, rolling sounds.

"Mmhmm, sure." You mutter, just as his eyes close and he leans further into your hand, a stupid smile playing on his lips. "Tempting offer, bro. But no dice."

"Just let me see your stupid eyes." He rushes breathlessly, head dipping back further before his purrs fluctuate. You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling any bigger when you scratch harder and he lets out a small mewing sound, his hands on your chest starting to knead slightly at your shirt.

"Why would I wanna do that?" You say softly, watching in amusement as you move your hand back just a fraction and John lets out a series of mewls, all the while leaning into your touch more desperately. You scratch harder to try and appease his weird cat-y needs, and he eventually relaxes, his purrs crackling slightly as he smiles hazily, his eyes closed. He moves so that it forces your hand just beside where his ears would be if he weren't a fucking cat person, and he turns his face slightly so that he can nuzzle his cheek into your hand. You laugh, and his response is to gently lick one of your fingers.

"Gross, dude." You snicker, though you don't jolt back or anything, just keep letting him do his thing.

I mean, if you can't let him fucking sex you into oblivion just yet, you might as well indulge his more obscure cat needs.

 

You lightly scratch his cheek, and he makes this weird purring meow sound, leaning into your hand for a second before he tilts his head so that your hand is by his jaw, and you think you get the message.

You scratch under his chin and the little shit practically makes the bed vibrate he purrs so much.

You laugh a little more, caught in the absurdity of it all, before he curls forward and nuzzles his head back under your chin, kissing almost obsessively at your neck, and slowly making his way up until he kisses your cheek, you snicker some more, and he grins before rubbing his cheek against yours. You let out a small puff of a laugh before nuzzling back, and his purrs get a little louder when you do.

You figure that if his tail weren't so stubby, it'd probably be wrapping around you.

You laugh again because Christ, his stubby little tail is adorable.

You feel something that isn't John's face brush against the opposite side of yours, and you instinctively shoot your hand out and stop it.

You pull back and raise your eyebrow at John, who's guiltily looking away from you and the hand you caught trying to sneak off your shades.

"I said no dice, bro." He turns back to you and pouts, his purrs rapidly lowering in volume.

"But--"

"Not yet," you say, softer. You let go of his hand and he smiles at you sheepishly.

"But eventually?" He asks you, his now free hand lightly playing with the fabric of your shirt.

"Yes, eventually. That's what I was implying when I said 'yet', smartass."

He bats at you playfully and grins.

"Oh shut up, you big dickwad. What's so special about your eyes anyways?"

"Ain't nothing special bout 'em, I just like my privacy, is all. Y'know, windows to the soul n' shit." You say absently, playing with a strand of hair down by John's left cheek. He grins mischievously, and you freeze when you see it, " What."

"I don't think that's entirely true." He says, and your hand drops to the bed.

"What the hell d'you mean?"

"I mean that Dixie seems to be callin' y'all, I reckon you should answer." He says, shooting off the worst southern accent you have ever

Wait, southern

You

 

Motherfucker.

 

He's cackling like the little shit he is, and you huff irritably, your face heated in not-embarrassment-not-at-all.

"How dare you laugh at me for my handicap."

"Dave, stop hating on it so much; I think it's adorable."

"Yeah, because you don't have to live with it."

"Not true."

"Totally true, fuck your opinions."

"Because they're wrong?" He asks amusedly, and you start to smile despite yourself.

"Yes, John, your opinions are wrong."

He snorts before nuzzling back under your head, his arms winding around you. You roll your eyes before returning the favor and wrapping your arms around him, too.

"It wasn't your fault." He says after a moment, and you sigh before nuzzling against his head.

"Yes it was, I shouldn't have been such a stupid shit and thought--"

"It wasn't your fault, Dave." He says more firmly, holding you tighter. You scoff lightly, but settle against him more comfortably instead of retaliating.

You're both stubborn assholes, and you know that if you tried to push it anymore, the argument would last forever.

You lay there for a moment before John suddenly tenses, and you're about to ask what's up when you hear giggling laughter behind you. You sigh and rub John's back lightly in what you hope is reassurance (all the while pushing past your own embarrassment because fuck that).

"Sup, Harley?" You say to the far wall, unable to turn around and face her lest you break the maybe-bro-cuddle-maybe-just-cuddle-you-aren't-entirely-sure.

"Um," you hear more giggles, this time slightly muffled. "I made breakfast?"

"Sweet," You reply simply, and you actually feel John laughing against you. You're glad Jade can't see your face because of the stupid grin that's starting to form.

“So, uh… pfft, when you two are done doing—”

“Got it; we’ll be out soon.” You interrupt, not wanting to hear whatever she has to say about any of this because you honestly just don’t think you could handle it.

She laughs more before you hear the door shut, and her muffled laughter trails away.

When you can’t hear her anymore, you slowly lean back so you can look at John’s face and he looks like he’s trying not to laugh anymore. You scrunch up your nose to keep yourself from smiling any more, and he quickly kisses the tip of it. You make a face, and he finally laughs again.

You award yourself like you always do whenever you get him to laugh, and you allow your lips to quirk upwards just a little bit more.

Just a little bit.

“We should probably get going soon, though. Before they start thinking we’re doing other shit.” You say, and John smiles, mumbling out a ‘sure’ as he brushes his fingers along your jaw lightly.

Your heart does some stupid shit, and you kind of get lost staring at him for a second.

When you eventually snap out of it, he’s got that stupid all-knowing grin on his face, and you feel your cheeks betray you as they heat.

You disentangle your limbs slowly (reluctantly) and sit up on the bed, running your fingers through your hair.

“It’s gotta be uncomfortable sleeping with shades on, though.” John says, sitting up beside you and stretching lightly. You snort as you swing your legs over the side of the bed.

“Ain’t much different than sleeping with glasses, dorkass.”

He makes a stupid sound of realization behind you before he groans.

“Damn it… that’s why my nose hurt.”

“Want me to kiss it to make it better?” You say, standing up only to stretch backwards (Matrix style, bitches) and sending a crooked grin over to John, wiggling your eyebrows. He does a giggle snort before he can stop himself and bats at you, his cheeks red in embarrassment. He always hated it when he snorted. You, however, consider it another accomplishment and grin wider before you set yourself up right and turn around to wait for John.

He wobbles a bit on his legs as he gets off the bed, and you smirk as you watch him hobble over to you. He hits your shoulder in retaliation at your smug face.

“I smell pancakes,” he mumbles, cheeks still red.

You laugh as you follow him out.

He grouches incoherently as you make your way down the hall, and you just have this stupid little smile on your face as you shove your hands into your pockets and walk just a little behind him. He trips a bit going down one of the two, you repeat, TWO stairs that you have to go down to get to the kitchen, and you instinctively reach out and grab his arm, yanking him back into you.

“Wow, uh. Was that necessary?”

“Hey fuck you, man. I just saved your life.” You grumble, letting go of his arm once you’re entirely sure he’s stable and not going to fall flat on his face. He gives you some stupid look and grabs your hand again before tugging you along into the kitchen.

You aren’t blushing.

You aren’t.

You

 

Oh, fuck it. You don’t think you can keep arguing with yourself. You’re blushing worse than some animated, doe-eyed, long legged, big breasted Japanese girl.

You have a serious problem.

When you actually walk into the kitchen, John drops your hand in favor to walking over to Jade, who’s over by the stove, flipping pancakes. You stand in the doorway for a bit, watching him as he nudges Jade out of the way and takes over. But your eyes are quickly drawn over to the table because you feel like some wretched beast is watching you.

Rose raises her eyebrow over at you from just above her book, and you sigh before shuffling over to the table to join her. As soon as you sit down, she shuts her book and turns to you.

“Look, I can respect that you’re gonna chew me out, just please. Not now. It’s too fucking early in the morning—”

You’re cut off when her hand is under your chin, and she tilts your head up slightly. There’s this weird concentrated look on her face, and your eyebrows raise.

“Uh, what are you…?”

“I have some make-up we could use to cover this.” She states, turning your head to the side and using her other hand to light down the side of your jaw, which is when you remember.

Oh yeah. Hickeys.

You keep forgetting about the hickeys.

“I’m not wearing fucking make-up, I’m fine just showing ‘em.”

“While I’m sure you are, I’m more concerned about my mother.”

“I’ve met your mom, Lalonde. I’m pretty sure the most she’d do is give me a high five.”

“Still,” Rose says, drawing back. You bring your hand up and replace hers, tracing along your jaw. Her eyes flicker down to your neck, and back up to your shades.

“He said he’s fine, Rose.” John says as he sets down a plate of pancakes in front of both of you. There’s something weird in his voice that makes you watch him for a bit, and you note the draw in his eyebrows as he looks at Rose. Rose (of fucking course) seems to notice as well, and turns more directly to John.

“I’m merely proposing that we temporarily cover the—”

“We’re not covering them.” His voice is deeper, like those few days before when he was on top of you on your couch. The tone of finality makes you drop your hand, and you see Rose’s eyebrows rise further as she appraises John.

The moment is interrupted when Jade rushes over with the butter and maple syrup, and John turns back to return to the stove.

Rose turns her questioning look to you, and you instantly drop your gaze down and quickly drown your pancakes in syrup.

You ain’t gonna let her interrogate you about that. Fuck that. Fuck all of that with a rake.

“No butter, Dave?” Jade asks cheerily as she sits down next to you, completely oblivious to anything weird like the lovable airhead she is.

“Trying to keep my figure for my man,” you say simply, not even bothering with the knife and using your fork to cut off a little bit of pancake-y goodness.

“So you’re the woman in this relationship?” Rose asks, having set aside her book and delicately spreading a small amount of butter onto her own pancake. You glance up at John over by the stove before smiling and taking a bite.

“And proud of it,” you say around the sticky, fluffy amazing fucking Christ you always forget how good homemade food is, shit.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full,” Rose comments dryly, daintily taking a bite. You flip her off as you stick another piece in your mouth, and Jade laughs beside you.

When John finally joins you, he stares disdainfully for a moment at where Jade is taking the seat beside you, and resigns himself sadly to the seat between her and Rose. You laugh a bit around your pancake because of it, but Jade is still happily eating, completely oblivious to the small death glare John is aiming her way.

When you glance over at Rose, you notice her covering her mouth to try and hide the fact that she’s smiling. You resist the urge to laugh even more because of it.

“Hey kiddos,” You hear from the doorway, and you all turn to greet mommy Lalonde as she makes her way over to your little group, her hair slightly frizzy and her usual black lipstick absent. She’s wearing this pink nightgown with a cat on it, and you gotta give her credit for managing to wear it and not looking like some sad adult desperately trying to get young again.

She saunters over to Rose and mumbles a ‘g’morning’ to her as she kisses Rose’s cheek, and Rose instantly rubs at it, glaring at her mom as momma’londe turns to you and

“Oh my god, Davey!”

She basically leaps over to you and smooshes your face, turning your head to the side to get a better look at the marks on your jaw and neck. You flush a little despite yourself, and mentally send ‘fuck you’s to Rose and Jade because they’re laughing.

You have a feeling John is probably smiling like a bastard, but you can’t really see him with momma’londe in your face.

“Davey, oh my god…” She relents a bit and lets go of your face, and you rub at it just a bit because she kinda smooshed it hardcore.

Her eyebrows raise as she seems to realize something. “Are those…?”

The idea of lying doesn’t even occur to you. “Yep.”

She snickers a bit. “Jesus, kiddo…”

You feel a smirk coming on.

“Yep.”

She raises a hand, and you send your triumphant, smugass smirk over in Rose’s direction as you high five.

Rose flips you off.

You do your best not to laugh as momma’londe turns away from you, ruffling your hair lightly as she greets Jade and John.

“Oh damn, are those pancakes?” She says, leaning over Rose to get a better look.

“I made you a plate, actually.” John says, smiling widely over at her. Rose rolls her eyes as her mom rushes over to him to kiss his cheek before going over to the counter by the stove to grab her plate.

“Rose, your friends rock, oh my god.” She says as she douses her pancake thoroughly in maple syrup. You’re still doing all you can to stop yourself from laughing outright, but Jade is giggling uncontrollably while John just grins.

She takes a bite and makes a really obscene moaning sound, and you choke on your own pancake. Jade snorts and John snickers when she does, and Rose rolls her eyes once again.

“Christ,” momma’londe says, muffled around the pancake. She grabs her plate and places a quick kiss on Rose’s forehead before making her way out.

“I know you kids don’t want some old fart like me around, so I’ll just leave you be. Don’t bother cleaning up.”

When she’s gone, everyone except for Rose laughs.

“I fucking love your mom,” You say, jabbing your fork over in Rose’s direction. She scoffs and uses her own to force it away from her face.

“You can have her.” She drawls, masterfully rolling her eyes once more.

“Dude, she loves me already. Might as well. She makes some mean ass spaghetti.”

Rose watches you for a moment before snorting, turning back to her pancakes.

“You really do come over too much, don’t you?”

“Hey, if I can get a free meal out of it, I am already there.”

John and Jade are still laughing, and you turn to watch them amusedly.

“You guys still breathing over there, or what.”

John looks to be coming down, but Jade is still giggling away.

You rest your head in your hands as you watch them fondly, a small trace of a smile on your face.

What a bunch of nerds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know how to write momma lalonde dont look at me i tried  
> 


	11. Inpurrmission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and she isn't even really done yet

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: So, about your fuck up.  
TG: really  
TG: now  
TG: you have to do this now  
TT: I failed to get on your ass about this after you left. I've given you a whole day of peace now, Strider. Now is the ideal time.  
TG: shows what you know about time  
TT: And what is that supposed to mean?  
TT: Are you implying you're busy?  
TT: Because, were that honestly the case, you would not be online.  
TG: sure okay you win  
TG: get it out of your sick fucked up glados-esque system  
TG: beat my ass into submission  
TG: though let me tell you egbert aint gonna be happy you beat him to it  
TT: Cute.  
TG: thank you  
TT: Now can you please tell me what in the ever-loving fuck you were thinking.  
TG: it begins  
TT: While I admit that I have never exactly set high standards for you, I would have expected more.  
TT: What made you think that was a good idea? What logically got you to think the best solution would be to try and force yourself to go along with John? What made you decide that leading him on was the best fucking decision?  
TG: i dont know  
TT: You don't  
TT: Know.  
TT: I'm sorry, but I'm just going to go ahead and call bullshit. You know fully well what made you do it.  
TG: i dont know  
TT: Don't try my patience.  
TG: no really i dont its like  
TG: fuck idk  
TG: i guess i just felt bad because hes been waiting for so long or whatever and hes having such a hard time  
TG: i thought i could push past my own stupid problems for once and help him  
TG: i realized too late that doing that would be equivalent to trying to watch ghostbusters without popping one  
TG: i mean it just cant fucking happen  
TT: Your sarcastic analogy suggests that you are very upset about what you did.  
TT: And while for any other situation I'd consider that to be enough, I'm afraid that knowledge alone won't leave me satisfied.  
TT: He blames himself for it. He figures it was his fault for pressuring you in the first place.  
TG: well thats fucking dumb  
TT: You don't seem to understand how upset he was afterwards. While I know he'll hate me for telling you, I want you to fully understand the consequences for what you did.  
TT: When I went to talk to him the other night after the incident, and you were busy moping to Jade, he was crying.  
TT: I walked into the living room and he was sitting there, curled into a ball, letting out these small, hiccuping sobs.  
TT: He was trying very hard to stop, too.  
TG: bullshit john doesnt cry  
TG: plus that sounds fake as fuck rose youre just trying to guilt me  
TG: sorry to say but you are failing hardcore  
TG: i know my egberts and john would not just do that thats stupid  
TT: This is textbook denial, Strider.  
TT: And yes you are right, I am trying to guilt you in a way. Like I said, I want you to understand how trying this is for John.  
TT: I can assure you that all that I've said is fact.  
TG: oh wow thanks  
TG: now that youve assured me i have no doubt in my mind that you are not in fact fucking with me  
TG: thanks rose  
TT: I always get so frustrated with you online, you're a much bigger pain behind a computer screen.  
TT: I wouldn't lie about this. While I may be sometimes manipulative or deceiving, I definitely would not fuck with you about something so serious.  
TT: He was very hard on himself, Dave.  
TT: That was the first time I've ever really witnessed him act like that.  
TT: He really cares about you. He's scared out of his mind that now he finally has you, he's going to mess this up.  
TT: It's something I'd rather not witness our friend-leader suffer through again.  
TT: So if you do something that stupid again, I will personally wreck your shit.  
TG: he wasnt crying  
TT: Yes, he kept saying that too.  
TG: fuck okay i get it stop  
TG: i wasnt planning to fuck up like that again already  
TG: so stop fucking doing that  
TG: christ  
TT: Crying is very exhausting as well, so he was about ready to pass out after all of it. He didn't like the idea of going to sleep because he knew you'd think it was your fault and that he hated you or something of the like.  
TT: He insisted on seeing you before he went to sleep, but when we made our way back to the guest room, you were already passed out and Jade was sitting beside you.  
TT: The way he curled around you was quite adorable, I must admit. But it was almost heartbreaking watching him kiss your forehead so many times between every muttered apology.  
TT: Though I must say, I felt the worst part was when he swept some hair out of your face and he almost started crying again when you smiled a bit in your sleep.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] \--

TT: At least now I know for sure that you won't do it again.  
TT: Lesson learned, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter coming soon this is just for in the mean time


	12. Surpurrise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wherein john gets to think things for once (and i'm pretty sure i wrote him all wrong)

You’re ringing the doorbell again. Again. Again. Agai—

Your name is John Egbert and you are really fucking excited. This is evident by the way you are currently knocking like a loon alongside ringing the doorbell in integers that eventually lead you to make a stupid beat and you start laughing to yourself.

However, you are cut off mid groove when the door swings open and you are met with a very amused looking Dave. You split into a giant grin because oh my god you missed him and you are still really fucking excited and you think you might be bouncing a bit (???) and you are flying into him and hugging him tightly and evidently knocking him backwards onto the floor.

He makes this stupid grunting sound and you try and stifle your laughter into his chest because you really, really need to calm down.

“Okay, well… hello to you to, Egbert. Great to see you’re still alive after… shit, how long has it been? Another two days? God, how did you ever fucking survive.”

You ignore his snide remarks and just hug him tighter, successfully forcing the air from his lungs.

“Egbe—John—fuck, choking. Not breathing.” He forces, hands weakly trying to pry you off. You hug him tighter for a few more seconds before letting him go, and he lets out a long breath, quickly sucking in more air.

You are really tempted to kiss him to apologize, but you know better. You kind of just demonstrated really freaking terrible self-control; you don’t really trust yourself to be able to do that just yet.

Just wait a little longer, you remind yourself. You can do it.

You vouch for nuzzling your head under his chin, instead. He lets out a breathless laugh when you do, and pats your back a bit before rubbing small, soothing circles that have you relaxing and maybe even… okay, yeah. Maybe purring a bit.

“So I guess you missed me?” He chuckles airily. Your cheeks heat a little and you bury yourself into him further.

“Shut up,” you grumble as your hands clench at his shirt. He lets out a small, exasperated breath before you feel something brush against the top of your head and it only takes you a second to figure out he’s kissing you. You could never, ever forget what those lips feel like.

Your grin splits wider to the point where your face hurts and you kiss at what’s exposed of Dave’s collarbone in front of you. He’s wearing his favorite record shirt, and after about two years it’s gotten a little baggy. You feel even better seeing that he’s wearing it, because that means Dave really was looking forward to this and he cared about it and ugh, your heart really need to take a chill pill before you explode and your guts go flying.

He kissed your head, though.

You are ashamed at how much that makes you want to giggle with glee. You don’t giggle. You are manly, and manly men do not giggle.

And while he may have been joking before, you really, really did miss him. You wonder if this makes you really super clingy, or if you just like him too much.

You are almost positive it’s both.

"You girls gonna stop cuddling on the floor, or what?"

You blink up to see Bro leaning against the side of the couch, arms crossed and what looks like a can of shitty beer in his left hand. You find yourself to be a little more than surprised, considering you'd usually hear him before you'd see him or whatever. You know, super cat hearing and all. You stare at him a little longer than you realize, and it's only when his eyebrows arch over his (stupid) anime shades that you blink out of your momentary trance.

"Hey Bro," you say cheerily, not even bothering trying to act cooler around him like you usually would (not that you want to impress him or anything or that you're intimidated, 'cause you're not).

He gives you a small smirk.

"What's got you all excited, kitty?" He asks before taking a sip of his beer and before you promptly flush bright red because oh yeah... you kinda forgot he knew about that.

Funny, that's kinda something you'd figured you wouldn't forget.

You hear a dull thump below you and you glance down to see Dave has dropped his head down to the floor, looking a little grumpy like he always does when Bro's around (though you're pretty sure they're much better when you aren't around; Bro just seems to like to tease Dave a lot in front of other people. You personally find it kind of endearing, the relationship they have. You're proud to say that you're the only person that they both trust enough to be able to sometimes even drop the act around you, even for a second. Wait shit, are you inner monologuing again about Dave? Damn it, why do you always do this).

"Yeah, you can go bugger right off." Dave says, tilting his head backwards a bit so he can (try to) glare through his shades over at his bro. Bro has the curtesy to over dramaticize his eyeroll so you can see (he doesn't need to for Dave; Dave kind of has a knack for detecting eye rolls thanks to Rose), and he takes another swig of his beer before talking again.

"Why, you two got some sloppy make-outs y'wanna engage in, or some hot date or somethin'?"

Dave opens his mouth but quickly closes it, and your finely honed Dave-senses pick up the beginnings of a blush. You want to kiss the pink deeper onto his cheeks, but you know you really shouldn't. Especially with his Bro right here.

Wait, you're on top of Dave again, aren't you?

Shit.

Damn it, you always end up on top of Dave.

Pure thoughts happy thoughts train of thought please god take you somewhere safer than here on station dirty.

"... So it's a date, then?"

You snap out of it and look up at Bro. He watches you curiously for a moment before he suddenly smirks and presses his lips to the brim of the can.

"Fuckin' knew it."

And then he's gone.

You glance down at Dave just in time to watch him hit his head again on the floor, groaning because

"Bro is so gonna fucking use this against me."

Yeah, that.

"Whatever, you can deal dude. Now get up, loser. We got a hot date to get on with." You say, energy rushing back full.

"I would totally get up if you would be so kind as to release my sternum."

"Oh, uh." You flush and scramble off of him, tempted to add some apologies but deciding against it. He wouldn't like it if you apologized. He never likes it when you apologize. "Right, right..."

He huffs a bit as he sits up, rubbing the back of his head and stretching a bit. He turns just a fraction of an inch towards you, and you can vaguely sense his gaze flitting to you sidelong. He raises and eyebrow, and you grin because you already know the answer to the question he hasn't even asked.

"So, what's with the bag?"

"You'll see!" You reply quickly, only just barely letting him finish asking before you answered. Your grin stretches wider as he turns to look at said bag in curiosity, and you tug it closer to you just in case he decides he doesn't want to wait today. You've realized over the years that Dave has primarily two modes; passive, and really curious, take-action, 'fuck you I'm a rebel'. You've yet to crack the code to figuring out why he's in either mode, but you make do with being able to compromise for both.

Usually.

You should have been more prepared when he kissed you at Rose's. You should have known he wasn't ready. You shouldn't have dragged him closer, should have pushed him away. Paced yourself for him.

You don't think you'll ever forget the terrified look on his face when he was pleading to stop.

You'll never forget the panic and fear because you barely get to see the content and happy Dave in full view. Seeing him like that, so clearly made you just feel

Disgusting

You're disgusting. You made him look like that.

But now is not the time for these thoughts! Now is the time to hop up, grab Dave's hand, yell a general goodbye to Bro, and drag Dave down the apartment hallway in excitement because you!! are!!! excited!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're starting to think maybe you are being too enthusiastic with the exclamation marks in your head. You quickly shove the thought aside, however, because all these inner shout-poles are making sure you don't let out all that energy physically or vocally and basically look like a giant idiot.

"Okay, s-- fuck, slow down!"

You stop abruptly and Dave falls into you, and you barely manage to stay upright. You hold Dave up and when he finally composes himself and stands up fully on his own, his face is red. You think you might've started to smile because of it at some point, because he slaps weakly at your arm.

"Shut the fuck up. Don't do that." He grumbles, turning to stare at the wall beside you as he rubs indignantly at his arm.

"Right, sorry. Got carried away, I guess, uh..." You trail off into semi-awkward laughter and he rolls his eyes at the wall, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips. When he turns back to you, he surprises you and takes your hand again. You stare blankly at it for a moment.

"Now let's try that again." You hear him say, and you blink up to see his face is still a little flushed. He's starting to look even more akward when you split into a grin and tilt your head sideways just a tad.

The awkwardness seems to leak out of him and he gives you a small smile back.

You begin to tug him along at a decent speed before you can let him get awkward again. When you send a quick glance over to him after a moment, you see him smiling down at the floor, cheeks now an absolutely adorable pink.

You feel your chest swell and when you turn your eyes back to the stairwell you've just reached, you almost feel as though that pinkish hue is marking him as yours. You made him blush like that, so it's only logical. Right?

You don't press the issue. You just want to enjoy today without your cat bullshit fucking anything up for once.

You push away those thoughts.

"So, you gonna tell me where we're headin' to anytime soon or what?"

"Nope." you say cheerily, slowly hopping down the stairs. You want to go faster, but you figure if you did, Dave would probably trip and fall and while that would grant you to make a totally kickass reference to his shitty comic, you really would rather him not get hurt.

You hear him sigh and you turn to look at him briefly as he takes another step down beside you.

"Of course," he mutters under his breath.

You roll your eyes but your grin only grows wider.

As you two make down the seemingly endless flight of stairs (they just had to live on the stupid top floor of a stupid twelve story apartment), you start to hone most of your attention on Dave. Even though neither of you are talking (which is kind of weird, actually; you figure it might be because this is sort of your first date, and Dave is probably still getting used to that), you find yourself learning more.

Your eyes slowly start to pick up the fluid motion of every downward step Dave takes. While your steps are sort of jarring or bouncy, his flow in a way that kind of make you think of water. Like if you dumped a bucket of water down a stairwell, the easy and confident flow of the water would be almost identical to the way Dave is walking. You've always loved how, despite his horribly obvious awkwardness to most everything outside of a computer, Dave always has this subconscious confidence that carries him along in his movements. Even when he shuffles his feet or plays with a pen in his lap, the movement seems to always be smooth or calculated and careful. Like when you tripped on that stair at Rose's, and he grabbed you and tugged you back from falling flat on your big dumb face. It wasn't panicked movement, it wasn't jarring when he tugged you back from falling, all of it was smooth. And he doesn't even seem to really know he's doing any of it so fluidly. He's baffling in his own way-- well, you suppose everybody is, but he's different from everybody. Of course he is. But you gotta say it's definitely something else when someone falling into you can be so smooth and look not as awkward as it would with anyone else. The only real, obvious show of awkwardness is the blush on Dave's face and how sweaty his hand is.

"What the hell are you laughing about in your far off world, Captain Kirk?"

You startle out of your trance and find yourself laughing even more (when did you even start laughing, geez).

"Dude, your hand is sweaty as balls." You couldn't resist.

His flush deepens, but his brows furrow a bit. You feel him squeeze lightly on your hand before, "Well if it's so fucking sweaty, then stop holding it, asswipe."

"Maybe I will." You threaten.

"Then do it."

"I plan to." You squeeze his hand.

"Good." He squeezes back.

"Yeah, screw your gross sweaty hand, I am out of here." Your fingers entertwine.

"Glad to see you leave, shitstain." He's smiling.

And he still has that adorable blush.

You kiss his cheek quickly because if you didn't, you probably would have exploded.

You quickly tug him through the door to the lobby before he can say or do anything about it.

You wave vaguely over at a motherly looking old woman (black hair, turning grey, brown eyes dulled down [may suffer from slight blindness in the left eye judging by the looks of it], scar running down side of neck [too jagged to be from operation or self inflicted; freak accident], baby bouncing on her right thigh [can't be hers; grandaughter], hoarse breathing, probably due to withered lungs [smoking], her teeth seem yellowed when she smiles, suggesting poor hygeni--)

Bluh. You shake your head a bit to try and clear it.

You must have forgotten to eat today. You always get weird when you're hungry.

Your dad would probably be more than a little upset with you for not eating. For multiple reasons. For one thing, he always thinks you need to eat more because he's your dad and he's also maybe a little insane (you blame the excess of cakes), but mostly because he's always warning you about your less controllable side. He explained to you a long, long time ago that the way your body worked was freaking worlds apart from everyone else... ugh, okay. You kind of wish you had been paying more attention when he had done that stupid predator/prey speech when you first brought up this weird notice-y thing.

Funny how you manage to absorb a shitton of stuff, but when it actually comes to important stuff you zone way out.

You really gotta work on that.

Though you do admit it's kind of cool how easy it is to notice stuff when you're hungry, even though the stuff you notice tends to be a little weird. You brought this up to your dad, and he said that as long as it stayed weird to you, you'd be fine.

You admit you are still more than a little confused about that.

You decide to put your weirdness aside, however, and turn back to Dave to (red cheeks, blood rushed to face, pulse is--)

"Mind if we get something to eat before we head to where I was planning?" You say suddenly, biting your lip slightly as your stupid, sensitive eyes pick up every stupid breath he takes.

"Yeah sure dude, I don't mind. Why, you smoke a bunch of weed and get the munchies?"

"Oh yeah, it was some pretty hardcore stuff, too. I could eat a horse, I am so jacked up on these hardcore drugs." You say sagely. He snorts and you smile, glad the question didn't make him suspicious or anything. Though you aren't sure why you think he'd be suspicious about you asking if you could get food?

"Where you taking me to eat, hotshot? The place better be swank, or else I may leave you to find a man with classier, more refined tastes." Dave drawls, shifting his hand from yours only to slip it around your waist and you are getting way too happy from something as stupid as that.

Control yourself, Egbert. Come on, you got this.

You lean against him slightly as you make your way down the street, basking in every single glance people send your way because then they get to see that he's yours.

Well, not that, uh... That you're... together.

Yeah, that's it.

"I dunno, I was thinking McDonalds..." You say, grinning dumbly ahead of you, fingers playing lightly with the bag in your left hand.

"How dare you use my weakness against me, you harpy." Dave whispers. You snicker into your right hand before he tugs you a little closer as you walk, and as you happily move closer, you grinned up at him almost curiously.

"What?" He remarks after a moment. You blink as you both come to a stop at the corner of a street, waiting for the light to cross.

"Well, I dunno. You're just being a little more touchy feely and less... awkward about this whole thing."

His cheeks begin to flush again and you roll your eyes.

"It's a good thing, Dave. Don't be embarrassed."

"M'not emba--"

"You are, and you are a big butt for denying it."

"Well good, I hear them homosexual types adore those with a larger than average posterier." He says monotonously, staring straight ahead at the light as it signals for you to cross.

"I cannot lie; yes, yes we do."

"Did you just...?" You grin up at him sheepishly just as he turns his head down to look at you.

"Fucking hell, Egbert."

You don't miss the smile that starts to form as he turns his attention forward again.

"You other brothers can't deny," you continue. "When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and that rounmff--"

He's stuck his hand over your mouth. You make a really stupid squawking sound before you pull the obvious and lick his palm right as you cross to the other side of the street. He yelps and jumps back from you, and you're left laughing your head off, leaning against the street light as Dave grimaces and wipes his hand on his pants for a moment. And then he quickly goes over to you, trying to rub off the rest onto your shoulder, and you make the girliest, most embarrassing freaking squeal ever and start hightailing it out of there.

You're running down the sidewalk towards the McDonalds just around the corner with Dave running behind you, shouting, "Get back here you little shit!" As you giggle and laugh, enjoying it even more because of the looks people are giving you.

Your ears twitch under your hat as you detect him getting closer (damn those long legs of his), and something seems to kick in because you feel the adrenaline rush and you're suddenly running faster, practically launching yourself with each step until you almost run into the two front doors of the McDonalds. You slow yourself down just enough so that you don't smack your face into the glass, but you didn't slow down fast enough to stop the momentum, so you sort of run into the door, but you catch yourself with your outstretched hands so you just push off. You're huffing and puffing as you turn around and Dave skids to a stop in front of you, his breathing not nearly as bad as your own.

But you see the small flare of his nostrils (and the rush of blood in the veins on his neck, barely there but you see it and--); you cough slightly and he grins crookedly at you.

"You are one fast little shit, Egbert."

"Thank you, broski." You say as casually as you can, trying to look cool as you tug open the door and you and Dave step inside. The onslaught of smells overwhelms you for a moment, but you quickly adjust (like you always do).

"No problem, bromella." Dave replies as you step in line, using your head as an armrest so he can look more contemplative as he stares at the menu above.

"Broham, mind getting your fat arm off my head?"

"Can't do that, bromo."

You nearly laugh, but you suppress it into a smile you're trying desperately to force into an even line, so you can immitate Dave.

"Fine. Then what do you wanna get, broseph?"

"Don't wanna anything, brohammad."

"That's a big fat lie, Han Brolo."

"What, you trying to fatten me up, my brotato chip?"

"Maybe I am, Broba Fett."

"You're a sick fuck, brofessor."

"Indeed I am, Mr. Bromosexual." You are really starting to have a hard time not laughing when everyone is looking at you two like that. You move up one, and you look more critically at your options on the menu.

"I think I'll have the McAngus, Abroham Lincoln."

"Good to note, Brorack Brobama." He steps up the cashier in front of you, opting out of leaning against you so he can lean against the counter. You rub absently at your head as he orders.

"One cheeseburger kids meal with whatever shit you got." He says.

You smack his arm.

He ignores you and remains unfazed (as fucking always, the dick).

"And a large fries. Two medium fountain drinks, too. All to go."

He pays and the cashier hands him two cups in return, mumbling about the order being out in a few.

When Dave hands you your cup, you put on your best glare.

"What the hell, dude?" You demand, shoving him lightly as you two make your way over to the fountain drinks.

"You're too little to be getting a big kids meal like that, Eggy. Can't have you growing up too fast."

"You're such a dicknozzle. And what happened to not wanting anything, Captain Cool of the S.S. Lies?"

"Captain Cool of the--?" He turns to stare blankly at you before rolling his eyes and quickly getting some ice. "Couldn't resist the fries."

"You big fatty." You mumble under your breath as you replace his cup under the ice thingy-ma-dohickey.

"Hey, you know I'm sensitive about that. Rude, Egbert." He shoots as he retrieves his stupid old Cola.

He always gets Cola.

... then again, you always get Pepsi.

"Sorry snookums," You reply sarcastically, and you catch him smiling before you hear your order and he quickly grabs a cap and straw before going over to fetch it while you finish up getting your Pepsi.

When he walks back to you with the thing of fries in one hand, and the bag and Coke in the other, you see some stupid group of girls glance over at him and you kiss his cheek as you take the bag from him.

He seems to get momentarily shocked by it, and his face basically slowly starts to turn into a tomato, so you yank his arm and drag him out, trying to distract yourself from your own rosy cheeks because you kind of don't want to think about why you just did that.

You’ve been walking for a minute, you still tugging Dave by the arm, until Dave clears his throat and you turn around briefly just to see him slip out of your grasp, obviously trying to look totally chill.

“You gonna eat the shit I bought you, or what?” He said at last, nodding slightly to your happy meal, held in the same hand as your other bag.

“When we get to the place,” You start, forward again as you walk to the bus stop on the corner, rocking back and forth just slightly on your feet to try and distract yourself from how much you miss the contact with Dave already. “I figure I’ll have time while you go off and do… things.”

“… Things.” You glance sideways at him and notice his right eyebrow arching masterfully over his shades. You grin mischievously back at him.

“Yes, things.”

He stares at you for a moment before turning to watch for the bus with you, letting out a long sigh before he sticks a fry in his mouth.

“I get worried when you sound like that.”

“Aw, don’t you trust me?” You tease, sidling closer to him.

“No. No, I do not trust you, John Egbert.” He remarks, his usually barely detectable Southern accent sounding a little clearer.

“Whatever happened to the bromance?” You reply wistfully, taking another step closer and going on your tippy toes to rest your head onto his shoulder.

“You fucking kissed me smack in the fuckin’ mouth, that’s what—you little shit!”

You skitter away from him before he can hit you for stealing a fry, which you are proud to say you managed to sneak using only your mouth. You grin at him as you tip your head back and open your mouth further to let it fall in, and as you chew he glares at you through his shades.

“Times like this that make me question why I ever became friends with you.”

“Because I stole your fry? Oh, come on, dude.” You plead, moving closer only to have him shuffle away.

“Nuh-uh, another false sacrifice will not be made today. The gods will get angry.”

“Because I ate your fry.”

“Yeah, you’re fucking right because you ate my fry. I paid for these fries. And for your bullshit meal—yours came with fries, I saw them putting in fries. Eat your own fucking fries.”

“No, I like the intimacy of eating yours.”

“That’s a fucked up thing, enjoying the pain you cause to a man when you steal his french fries, you sadistic bastard.”

“Shut your fat hole, fatty. You love it.”

“Guess that makes me a masochist, huh.” He quips thoughtfully, bringing the fries up to his mouth so he can take one between his teeth, his other hand occupied by his drink.

Your mind flashes automatically to running your claws down Dave’s sides, marking his cream colored body with stark contrasting red. Red always looked good on Dave, and the way he’d moan and writhe beneath you would make it all the more amazing. And you’d lean over and murmur into his ear as he’d whimper beneath you how good he’s being and he’d beg you to--

You get saved from your thoughts when the bus pulls up to the stop, and you visibly relax as the people pile in. You step in first, knowing where you’re gonna go, and you leave the money in the little whosie-whatsit by the bus driver. Once you’ve paid, you and Dave shuffle your way down the aisle, only to see that there aren’t any seats completely open. You’re just about to open your mouth to suggest you take the seat just to the left and he the one on the upper right when someone (brunette woman, white teeth clear as day when she smiles, glasses, green eyes) stands up and gestures to their seat.

“Oh no, we couldn’t—” You start, but she cuts you off and smiles wider as she sidles out from the seat.

“It’s fine, I assume you two want to sit together. I don’t mind. The next stop is mine, anyways.”

You stand there staring dumbly after her before you split into a giant grin.

“Thank you!” You call to her, and she turns around briefly to wave and smile back at you.

When you sit down, your chest feels like it’s going to burst, you’re so happy. It’s funny how something so little can affect you so much.

“Dude, don’t hurt yourself. It looks kinda like that smile is gonna split your face in fucking half.” Dave comments as he sits next to you. You roll your eyes, but snuggle a little closer to him.

“That was very nice of her to do.” You say simply as you lean forward to snatch yet another fry. Dave jolts and makes a distressed sound for a moment before he relents and sighs, turning the fries further towards you. You grin as you use your teeth to snatch up more.

“Yeah, I know it was nice. But it’s not exactly something that should make you look close to tears of joy.”

“Whatever,” you say around your fries. “That was really, really nice.”

“Mmhmm,” He hums as he pops a fry into his mouth before taking a sip of his Cola. “I gotta wonder though, does this whole heat deal make you mega emotional? Like you’re on your period or something?”

You nearly splutter out your mouthful of fries at how casually he asks it, and you can feel the heat rush to your face as you quickly swallow your fries and turn to him, wide-eyed.

“Y-you what?”

“Y’know, like you get mood swings and stuff.” He glances your way and sees the look you’re giving him, and he sets the fries in his lap so he can bring up his hand defensively.

“Hey, I’m just saying. Just wanna figure this shit out, is all. You know, understand it best I can.”

You stare at him longer.

“Dude, come on. I’m your boyfriend, I gotta know this shit.”

The way he says it has it sounding all cool, but you know as soon as he looks down at the fries in his lap that he’s embarrassed he asked.

You snuggle closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder. He turns his head slightly to look at you and you keep your eyes trained down at his hands.

“No. Well, maybe. Yes. I don’t… I don’t know.” You admit, your face getting redder by the second.

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t… look, I’m kinda really fucking weird, okay? I don’t know everything.”

“Well you’ve had this before. Can’t you remember if you’ve had any mood swings or something?”

“If I did have them, I didn’t realize or… I don’t know, dude. Do we have to talk about my weird cat stuff? I just wanna eat some fries.”

He snatches his fries away just as you reach over, having set down the bags next to you by the window.

“You have your own. You can eat them now.”

“Nooo, I want Dave fries!”

“Eat your own fuckin’ fries, Egbert.” He says, extending his arm out so you have to lean over his lap to try and reach for it.

“Dave, don’t be a dickbutt!” You whine stupidly as you flail your hand for it.

“Oh, you did not just call me a dickbutt, cockass.” He growls, and you squeak when he scoops you up using only his arms, his hands full of fries and Cola, and settles you on his lap.

“You gotta hand feed me now. And if a single fry strays from my mouth and somehow lands in yours, I am gonna dump my Cola on your head as soon as we get off this bus.”

You pout at him for a moment, but he remains unfazed as fucking usual. You huff before picking up a fry and offering it up to him, and he smiles a bit before he takes it in his mouth.

You notice a small grain of salt on his bottom lip, and you are tempted for a millisecond to lean forward and lick his lip clean, but you resist and use your thumb instead.

He licks your thumb.

You jolt back and he wiggles his eyebrows at you like the dork he is.

You snort before grabbing another fry and placing one end to his lips. He parts his lips, but doesn’t take it in, so you have to use your finger to slowly push it in. You don’t miss the way his lips are slowly quirking further up as you do. When it’s all in, and your finger is pressed to his lip, he kisses your finger.

He kisses your frick fracking mother fuck butt finger.

Your chest hurts from the happy emanating from fucking everything as you quickly stick the straw for your Pepsi into your mouth and suck to try and stop yourself from doing another manic grin that hurts your face. You go for another fry, suddenly determined to keep him satisfied as you carefully drink your soda.

Sometime about halfway through your bus ride, you run out of fries. You actually feel a little sad that they’re gone, but the feeling doesn’t last long because Dave reaches around you and rummages through the bag for something before you smell it as he takes his hand back and

And he starts feeding you fries.

 

… Okay, you are like the farthest thing from a girly, screeching fangirl, but the grin you give him leaves your face numb, and inside there is a whole fucking orchestra playing a song called ‘he’s fucking perfect’ and you are sitting in the audience nodding your head like an idiot like yeah, yeah you know.

You love him so fucking much. You love the way his soft smile slowly grows bigger with each fry he feeds you, and the soft chuckle he gives when you lick his finger and you wish, you wish with all your fucking heart that he wasn’t wearing those stupid shades because you really, really want to see his eyes.

But you’re letting Dave pace this.

Eventually, he said. So eventually it’ll be.

 

When you finally get to your stop, you’re giggling like an idiot and he’s grinning crookedly in his own, little triumphant way. You (COUGHreluctantlyCOUGH) hop off his lap and grab your bags while he takes your pair of empty cups and fry container thingies. You bounce down the stairs of the bus, and turn on your heel to wait as Dave tosses your junk in the trash on the bus before making his way down to you. He promptly pauses as he stares at where you are.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He mutters. You smile widely.

“Nope,” you reply, popping the ‘p’.

“You’re a cat though, so don’t you have a…?”

“Nope-ity nope.”

“Well, I don’t have a thing to—”

“Guess what’s in the bag, dickmunch.” You reply craftily, lifting said bag. He groans and you laugh as you start making your way down the street.

“The beach though, really?”

“It’s summer, we just had to!”

He groans again, louder.

 

You’re so flipping excited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHAT ASSHOLES NOT ALL CATS HATE WATER ALSO GUESS WHAT ANOTHER THING ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS CATS HATE WATER IS BECAUSE OF IT DRIPPING DOWN THEIR EARS AND INFECTIONS BUT SOME CATS DON'T MIND BECAUSE THEY ADVANCED PAST THAT STUPID SHIT AND GUESS WHAT JOHN LOVES THE FUCKING WATER BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT  
> also uh i split this into two parts because it got really long so haha yeah  
> umm  
> i know some stuff may be a little weird like the whole john notice-y thing, but that should get explained later if i do my job right  
> writing john is a lot harder than writing dave so uh  
> yeah


	13. The Beach is Purrty Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i only ever listen to suit and tie when it's mixed with get lucky

Your name is Dave Strider, and you have been trying on swim trunks or board shorts or whatever even the fuck these are for five minutes already, which you think is definitely five minutes too fucking long. This is apparently the “things” John had been talking about, so while you’re in this little tent or whatever the hell this white and orange stripped thing is supposed to be, John is sitting outside, munching on his Happy Meal.

You really hope he didn't spend too much money on this shit, because there really is more than was honestly necessary.

You've managed to narrow down the selection, after sorting which ones don’t fit, to a pair of white board shorts with black lining, and striped black and red. If there’s anything you can credit to John after going through all those fucking swim trunks or whatever, is that he definitely knows your colors. The other one you got picked is lined white, but there are two stripes of color; blue and red. You eventually settle on the black and red one, quickly tug it on, and shove all the other shorts and stuff back inside the back, along with your clothes. You grab the bag and slink out of the tent, and head over to where John is sitting patiently on the ground, bag of McDonalds sitting beside him. He freezes for a moment when he sees you, but he quickly composes himself from whatever and lights up.

“Wow, you look better in those than I thought you would!”

“My levels of attractiveness surpass anything that you could mentally reconstruct; of course I look fucking smoking. I see you changed while I was gone. And ate all your shit.”

And he has changed; he’s wearing board shorts sorta similar to yours, except instead of black and red and white, they’re just striped blue and yellow.

You’ve always liked those colors on him. Though you wouldn't ever really admit that.

And he

Okay, so you have definitely seen John with his shirt off before. You both have known each other long enough and stuff, but you still

Huh.

Has he been working out?

 

… You can’t believe you just thought that, you need to go get yourself some mind soap or something.

Oh my god, what is happening to you.

“I think you’ll really like this beach, though.” John says, snapping you out of your inner freak out just in time to see him stand, grabbing his bag of junk and tossing it in the nearby trashcan.

“Uh-huh, why is that?” You question him carefully, feeling a little on edge by the way his grin gets all the wider.

“You’ll hear it,” He says simply, grabbing the bag from your hands and striding off down towards the step to the beach. You stand confused for a moment before quickly hurrying after him.

“What do you mean ‘I’ll hear it’?”

“Dude, I’m serious. Just shut your mouth and listen.”

You huff a bit as you fall into step with him, but you decide maybe it would be in your best interest to do as he says.

Two minutes down the long ass stairs and you more feel it than anything to be honest.

 

There’s a beat.

 

Your instinct drives you before you can even think about it, and you are suddenly hopping down the stairs past John and you can distantly hear him laugh, but you are more focused on the rhythm you feel and the song you hear as you jump down the last three steps and land on the sand. You look around briefly at the ocean (fucking huge piece of intimidating shit), but then your attention is back to the song you can hear, and you walk down the beach and follow the sound waves as they come.

 

When you see it, you are pretty much 98% sure that you started walking faster.

It’s a small, round wooden hut with a thatched-looking roof. There are speakers surrounding the entire thing, and the walls are like half walls because you can see the DJ as he moves around and there are people dancing and hollering and the beat is going heavy and the man has some sicknasty skills with scratching and and and

_I need your love_

Oh my god.

_I need your time_

You turn around to see John running towards you, the smile on his face looking like it’s just about to break him.

_When everything’s wrong, you make it right_

You run over to him and you are trying so hard to form words with your mouth but you can’t.

_I feel so high_

“Hehe, so I’m guessing you like it?”

You point your thumb over your shoulder back at the DJ, your brain too dumb to get you to do anything else.

He laughs.

_I come alive_

You glance back at all the people behind you, swaying at the small break in the beat as it starts to pick up again. You turn to John.

_I need to be free with you tonight_

You hug John really tightly before he can see the giant ass grin on your own face.

_I need your love_

The beat picks up again and you feel John laugh against you more than hear it.

You pull back after you have your grin calmed down at least a little bit.

When you see the smile on John’s face, all your efforts go to waste and you’re grinning again.

“You kind of know me ridiculously well.” You laugh out, and he rolls his eyes as his lips tug upwards further.

“No shit.”

And you… you want to kiss him. In that moment, you really do. But before you can do anything stupid

_I can’t wait to get you on the floor good looking_

You get distracted.

“Shit, John, this is our song.”

“Wha—no way, this isn’t our song!”

_Going hot, so hot, just like an oven_

You grin crookedly at him as you tug him further towards the people dancing, swaying to the beat.

_And I’ll burn myself, but just had to touch it_

You jolt your hands back from John, shaking them and grinning ever more as you keep moving with the music. John looks like he wants to laugh, but he’s trying really hard not to.

“Dave, no.”

You start singing along.

_But it’s so fine_

You make the hourglass shape with your hands as you raise your eyebrow and bite your lip, still moving to the beat (not like you really have a choice, considering it’s fucking music and you just always gotta move when there’s music, come on).

John actually does laugh a bit this time.

“Dave.”

You sidle closer to him waggling your eyebrows as you take either side of his hips and try and get them to sway along with you.

_And it’s all mine_

“Oh my god…”

You grin and keep swaying with him, taking a few steps backwards to try and goad him to do something. He starts swaying on his own, and that’s good enough for you.

Right now.

_Hey baby,_

You spin him, and he laughs again.

_We don’t mind all the watching, ha_

His hands end up on your shoulders and you step your feet back a bit, and he follows easily. He really does know you too well.

_Cause if they study close, real close_

You dip him, your grinning face inches from his.

_They might learn something_

You swoop him back up before jumping back and dancing from side to side, watching him as he dances with you, all the while snickering.

_She ain’t nothing but a little doozie when she does it_

John takes his cue and turns around to wiggle his ass at you, and you hold back a laugh as you bite your lip and nod your head enthusiastically before he turns back to you and you move closer again.

_She’s so fine, tonight_

He kisses you quickly, and your brain short circuits before you can go back to dancing or sing the next verse, and he laughs as he tugs you along the beach.

You don’t know how long it takes for you to realize you’ve stopped walking when your brain finally catches up to you, and you blink to see John digging out some towels and setting them out on the sand. You just sorta stand there and watch him for a moment, before he takes something out of the bag and turns to you.

Oh fuck no.

“Hell no.”

“Dave, you need to--”

“Hell fucking no, John. Nuh-uh.”

“If you don’t wear sunscreen, you’re gonna go up in flames or something!”

“Screw that, that’s better than looking like Casper the Friendly fucking Ghost.”

He advances, and you point an accusatory finger at him.

“John Egbert, don’t you dare.”

He pounces on you, and you are flung to the ground before you can even do anything to stop it.

You hear it uncap.

“Stay—oh my god, Dave, stay still!”

“Fuck no, get off me!”

“Wouldn’t you rather be Casper than a tomato? I swear to god that’s what you look like when you get sun burnt!”

“Well I don’t—you—ugh, fuck. Fine. Get it over with.”

You reluctantly stop your squirming, and John lets out a satisfied sigh before lightly papping your cheek.

“Good boy.”

“Oh shut the fuck up, just let me go ghost already.”

“Pfft, okay, Danny Fenton.”

He starts to slather it onto your chest. You stare determinedly up at the sky.

“Yo Danny Fenton, he was just fourteen when his parents built a very strange machine…”

“Are you seriously whisper-singing the theme song right now?” His hand slides over your shoulder and rubs in the sunscreen, and you keep looking up at the few clouds you see above you.

“It was designed to view a world unseen (he’s gonna catch ‘em all ‘cause he’s Danny Phantom)…”

“You’re ridiculous.” The hand moves down your chest and you try to notice the sunscreen more than you notice his hands, but you kind of desperately fail at that.

You continue to mutter the theme song under your breath as John puts sunscreen on you, and after he’s done your legs, your front, and your back, you’ve moved onto the Pokemon theme song. He, yet again, squirts some more sunscreen into his hand, before moving closer to you. He dips his finger into the stuff before looking at you carefully, his eyebrows scrunching a bit before he boops your nose, sound-effect and all, and he splits into a grin. You roll your eyes behind your shades as he spreads it out onto your face, and as soon as he finishes, he rocks back and smiles.

“I rubbed it in as much as I could, so you do not, in fact, look like Casper or Danny Phantom gone ghost.”

“John how could you; you just threw off my whole cosplay.” You deadpan. He laughs before you lean forward to take the sunscreen from him so you can return the favor, but he slaps your hand away.

“Nuh-uh, I don’t use sunscreen.”

“But--”

“Nope, you will not get to enact your revenge, Strider. Now get off your butt and let’s go swimming!”

He leaps up, but you sit stock still.

“… You know. The whole reason we came here?”

Haha, oh yeah.

Shit.

“… Dave?”

“Can I just sit here and watch you swim? If I stepped into the water, I think it might freeze over from all this cool. Just trying to be considerate.”

His eyebrow raises, and he takes a step back towards you.

“Uh… no? Dave, come on, don’t be a lazy butt.”

“No really, I’m fine here. You’ll have more fun without me.”

“No, I definitely will not have more fun without you.” He squats down beside you, and you turn away to try and hide the blush that is quickly coming on. “Dave, what’s up?”

“I just don’t wanna swim, that’s all. I think I’ll be happier here with the music n’ shit anyways, really. S’fine.”

He doesn't answer, and you focus as much as you can on the seashell you can see a few feet away.

Ha, wow, he sure isn't talking.

You bite your lip.

“… Dave?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You can’t swim… can you?”

“We really are lucky to be having such nice weather so early into summer, don’t you think? Especially compared to last year, haha, wow, that was horrible.”

“Oh my god.”

You turn back to him.

“Please don’t say a single fucking word okay, just don’t.”

He opens his mouth.

“No, Egbert. Down.”

“Can I teach you?” He blurts.

“ _Hell no_.”

“Oh, but Dave—”

“Nope, you go have fun.” You motion for him to leave. He moves closer.

Goddammit, Egbert.

“I can’t not teach you, come on, that’s just sad!”

“Shut the hell up, I swear to fuck--”

“Come on, I promise to go easy.”

Oh god, the kitty eyes.

Not the fucking kitty eyes, god damn it.

“Egbert--”

“Just for a little bit, please?”

Oh fuck, there goes the lower lip. And his cheeks are kinda puffing a bit and

Yep, you’re gone.

You are a weak man.

“Fine,” You sigh, and he grins and bounces to his feet. You reluctantly force yourself up to stand beside him. “But if I drown, I will not hesitate to haunt your ass.”

“You won’t regret this, I promise.” He says enthusiastically, tugging you towards the water.

“Too late, already am.” You mutter under your breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back baby  
> short chapter because i've decided to split the date up a little more and make it easier on myself because it's always easier for me to be motivated with less pressure! so, next chapter should come up shortly if all goes according to plan  
> also, comments are always really motivational. ESPECIALLY when they are giving feedback!  
> sorry about that ass of a hiatus.


	14. Pawfully Dumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> take note, children: the ocean is very offensive

“Dave, you actually need to get in the water in order for me to be able to teach you how to swim.”

“Oh wow, fancy that, would’ve never knew.” You quip back, glaring down at the water as it breathes in and out on the beach like it offended you.

It did offend you. Fucking large body of water piece of shit, looking like it goes on forever and ever into eternity; fucking creepy, that’s what it is.

Fuck the ocean.

John heaves a long sigh and wades through the water back over to you. A wave pushes the water a little closer to your feet, and you skid back from it just as John reaches you. He raises an eyebrow at your antics.

“Do I really have to?” You mutter, kicking your feet just a bit at the water.

“Yes, you really do.” He says sternly, holding a hand out for you to supposedly take. You don’t look down at it as you cross your arms and stare determinedly at him.

“I will curse your whole fucking family if anything bad happens, I swear to god.”

“Since when are you part of some weird voodoo, gypsy, magic, witch family?”

“Okay, well obviously I’ll be asking Rose to do it, but I will. Don’t test me.”

“Rose loves me too much to do anything like that.”

“Yeah, well… pssht… I’ll, uh…”

“Dave,” he smiles, and holds out his hand further towards you. “Drop the bullshit and just come swim with me.”

You watch him for a moment. You watch the way the sunlight reflects in his eyes (glasses removed and tucked safely away in the bag), you watch the way his front teeth peak out just a little more than usual and notice the barely-there points that are there; you watch the soft crinkles on either side of his mouth and around his eyes as he smiles; you watch the gentle inhale and exhale of his chest; you watch the barely noticeable twitch under his hat as the waves roll in and hug his feet; you watch the strands of hair hanging down below his hat flit slightly with the breeze, and then you watch with a sigh as you place your hands in his, and as he lights up.

“Promise you’ll be gentle,” you mutter as you’re tugged into the waves (not as cold as you thought. Huh.)

He snorts before turning to look back at you.

“Only if you be good.”

“I will make no such promise.”

He laughs a bit, and stops when you get to a point where the water is up to your waist, and you grimace down as the waves push and pull at you.

“The ocean is stupid, why is it a thing.”  
“Well you’re stupid, too, but you don’t see me questioning your existence.”

You stick your tongue out at John, and he grins crookedly back at you before leaning over a bit to splash some water in your direction. You don’t move, just grimace back at him.

“How you liking the water so far?”

“I would be happier without it, thanks.”

He splashes you a little more, and you shuffle back a bit and splash half-assedly back at him, secretly liking the way the sand feels shifting beneath your toes in the water.

“Crouch down a bit in the water and get used to it.”

“No.”

“Dave, you gotta do the baby steps thing if you wanna get to the more badass levels of swimming.”

“When did I say I wanted to get to the more badass levels? I am perfectly fine staying a brownie, sir.”

“... Girl scouts?”

“Two years of committed work, Egbert. I was head scout, too. They had to start stitching badges to my boxers because I was getting so many I ran out of room on my sash; I was such a badass girl scout.”

He snickers. “I don’t doubt it. Now get lower in the water.”

“No.”

“You had your chance.” 

You should have seen it coming, honestly.

 

He pounces on you.

 

You only just manage to make your signature stupid as all hell squawking sound before you submerge.

The first thing you notice: you are completely surrounded by water.

Okay that just sounds fucking dumb when you say it like that, I mean you’re underwater that should be obvious, but it was a fucking shocker to your lungs when you panicked and tried to gasp but—whoops! There’s water there, how fucking funny.

You cough into the water as you flail a bit, and you feel your shades slip a bit down your face as your hair floats about you and you kind of are panicking maybe a lot more than you should be definitely, until you suddenly are being yanked upwards.

You cough and splutter as you… sit up.

Ugh, that isn’t embarrassing at all.

Your hair is dripping water onto your shades as you glare over at John, whose being an ass and laughing his fucking head off.

You huff, moving your hands under your shades to wipe some water away from your eyes.

“Dude, j—” He pauses to laugh more, and you drop your hands to send him the middle finger.

“Just take off your stupid shades.” He finally gets out.

“Nope, definitely not happening, especially not after that, you massive shit; I almost fucking died.”

He rolls his eyes, and another wave comes and pushes and pulls you and John slightly in the water. You sit up a little better, just in case a wave might suddenly smack your side or something and slam dunk your head back into the water.

“You did not almost die; I wouldn’t have let you die.”

“Oh, my hero. Fucking swoon.”

He laughs, splashing over at you a bit. You scowl and splash back at him.

“No, I’m serious.” You pause and look over at him. He’s smiling softly, head tilted just a bit to the side. His hat (which is heavy with all the water it just absorbed and is hanging down a bit lower on his head) twitches a bit, and you automatically recognize that as his ears giving you a subtle hint that he’s drifting off into his thoughts and they’re trying to make up for the fact that he isn’t really paying attention anymore holy fucking shit how do you know that.

“I’d kind of rather kill myself than watch you die.” He sort of laughs a bit as he says it, giving you a small shrug.

You watch him for a bit, blinking slightly as you feel a droplet of water slip down the side of your face. You can’t exactly see him all that well, what with the shit on your shades, but you can easily see the genuineness he has.

And for some reason, it makes you wanna laugh a bit; knowing him, you’d probably be practically throwing yourself onto a bed of knifes just to save his stupid ass.

But he is genuine, so he clearly cares about you a shitton…

You guess it’s the thought that counts.

 

You splash him a bit, and his smile grows a little brighter.

“So, how does one do this swimming thing?” You ask slowly, turning your eyes down to the water and moving your arm back and forth to watch the way the water moves around it.

“How about we try floating first?” He asks, gliding over closer to you. You run your fingers through your wet hair, slicking it back from your face a bit.

You think you can feel some sand getting in your board shorts. Fucking brilliant.

“Okay then, how are we gonna--”

You stop because John has suddenly moved his hands out, offering them to you. You stare blankly at them for a moment before he nudges them again.

“Take my hands, Dave.”

“Are you serious right now.”

He smiles more, “Dead serious, now take my hands because your life may or may not depend on this.”

“Does it?” You ask as you take his hands. His smile splits to a grin.

“Nope,” You roll your eyes despite the smile that slips past you.

“But I actually think it would be easiest if I stood and did this from behind.” He says, standing up and making his way around you.

“Woah hey, I thought I said no sex.”

“Oh ha ha, shut up and give me your hands again.”

You turn around so he can see the raise in your eyebrow.

“From behind?”

“Dude, just reach up your dumb hands and let me hold them.”

“… Man, that is gonna look so fucking gay.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, smartass, I kind of am that fucking gay. Now do it, you big wimp.”

You let out a puff of breath as you face forward again, reaching your hands up so John can take them.

Your face feels warmer when he closes his hands around yours. Huh, sun must be burning a little brighter than you noticed. How strange.

“Okay, now lay back.”

“You fucking what.” You deadpan.

“Come on man, just focus and try not to let your fat ass sink. Just think like—okay, a bathtub. Laying back in a bathtub, now just… let yourself stay up on the surface with me.”

“I have never been in a fucking bathtub, you insensitive dick. My whole life has revolved around shitty showers.”

“Oh, right… uh. Just do that last thing I said.”

“The extremely gay thing?”

He kicks your back a bit, and you let out a short laugh.

“Just do it.”

You hesitate for a moment, though you let it slide by convincing yourself you’re just waiting for the wave to pass. You aren’t scared or anything at all, fuck that.

But eventually, you do manage to work up enough nerve (you mean you already had it but whatever) to lift your ass off of the sand, and you may or may not have clung tighter to John’s hand as your body wobbled a bit as it floated upwards.

“Don’t be so tense, man. That isn’t gonna help you.”

You cling even tighter when you feel yourself start to roll a bit to the side.

“I am not tense, go fuck yourself.”

He laughs, and a wave comes and sends you rocking and almost digging your nails into John’s hands.

“Seriously, just breathe okay?” He leans over so that instead of a view of the sky, you get a view full of Egbert.

But it does help, and you do breathe.

Your hold eases just a bit, and you try and focus on just keeping yourself from dropping back down into the water.

“There you go, you’re getting it.” John says brightly.

“I would be happier without the commentary, thank you.”

“No way man, this is revolutionary.”

“Ha ha, I am laughing so hard. Ha. Just don’t let go.” You add before you can stop yourself. His smile widens and he squeezes your hand.

“Wasn’t planning to.”

You drift for a little longer, John prodding you lightly to try and get you to talk, but you need to fucking concentrate so you don’t even try to reply.

“I’m gonna start moving, alright? Don’t flip out, just keep working on keeping yourself up.”

“Wait, you’re gonna wha—John, John, John, John—” You cling tighter to him as you feel yourself starting to get tugged backwards slowly, and you begin to panic a little more when another wave comes and rocks you and you can’t really do much of anything except repeat John’s name over and over again.

“Calm down, you big butt. You’re doing _fine_. More than fine, you’re doing great.”

“I hate you so much; I hate you so fucking much.”

He just laughs, still pulling you along.

“Stop right now, you massive prick. Before I shit on your goddamn face.”

“Right, okay. If that’s what you want.”  
He drops your hands.

He

He just drops them just like that even after that dumb ‘I don’t plan to’ bullshit, he just up and drops them like they’re one of your sick beats and you totally did not freak the fuck out and promptly drop back under the water or anything.

Which is why it totally makes sense that you are surfacing from the water again, looking like you had just gone in for a kiss and gotten punched in the dick instead.

John is laughing again.

“That was fucking low.” You mutter, flicking your hair from your face before wiping at your eyes again.

“That’s what you get when you question my teaching methods.”

“Yep, well, I think that’s enough swimming for today.” You say, standing up and starting to wade your way through the water back to the beach.

“What? No, no, no—come on, man! Just a little longer?”

“Nope, I am done.”

“We didn’t even get to actual swimming!”

“Good, I fucking hate swimming.”

“You’ve never swum in your entire life!” He exclaims, quickly making his way over beside you.

“Good thing, too, because it sucks. ‘Sides, someone needs to watch our shit.”

“Dave--”

“Nope,”

“But the water and… and the shorts and… and…”

You turn around to see him where he’s stopped a few paces behind you, looking dejectedly down at the water as it pushes and pulls at him. He’s got that kicked puppy look on his face, and you want to stab yourself in the emotions because that really shouldn’t be tugging your heartstrings the way it is.

You let out a long sigh.

“Maybe later, man. Just let me have a bit of a break, okay?”

He grins brightly up at you and nods quickly before running over to you and you both start to make your way back to where you left all your stuff.

“My hair feels nasty as all fuck.” You mutter. John snorts.

“It doesn’t look all that bad, man. Don’t worry.”

“It feels like someone just used their own urine to shampoo my hair and conditioned it with their fucking feces; I don’t trust you.” You grab the red and blue towels from the bag, handing the blue one over to John before you start using the red one to wipe yourself off a bit.

“No, really. Trust me, it looks… it looks great.”

You pause for a second to watch John at the tone of voice, but he’s cleared his throat and is pointedly turned to look over at the DJ hut off in the distance.

You think you… is that a blush? Is he blushing?

 

Oh.

_Oh_.

You finish drying yourself off with a smirk on your face.

God, that’s too fucking cute, though.

“You wanna get something to drink?” You ask, unceremoniously laying your towel out and shifting the bag on top of it. John blinks out of his ‘oh no he’s hot’ daze and does a quick nod as he lays his towel down beside yours.

“Yeah sure, there’s a place we can get some over by the DJ.”

He starts leading the way, and you follow him, sorely missing having pockets to shove your hands into.

“It’s kind of hotter outside than I thought it’d be.” He remarks offhandedly, turning his up to the sky a bit and watching a few clouds. You follow his gaze for a moment before glancing sideways at him.

“Maybe it’s because I came outside today.”

He snorts.

“All that time you’ve spent locked up in your dumb apartment; you were only trying to save the rest of us.”

You smirk a little, nodding.

“I know, truly heroic.” You say sarcastically, following John as he walks you over to a bar-type-thing. The DJ isn’t too far away, and you admire him as he works as John orders the both of you your drinks. Ordering for each other has been a thing for a while now, so you don’t really see it as anything too couple-y.

You lean your elbows back on the bar, watching the DJ scratch and flip switches and turn nobs and press buttons—you follow all of it intently from behind your shades, carefully noting at what point exactly he starts to move out from one song to another.

“So Da--”

You furrow your eyebrows slightly, turning to check out why John suddenly stopped talking. He’s staring past you, and judging by the slight raise to his hat, you’d say he’s listening intently to whatever he’s watching.

You turn your gaze slowly back around, and you don’t really see anything out of the ordinary until you spot them. 

There is a group of chicks giggling and smiling and whispering and

And looking over at you.

One of them notices you’re no longer facing away, and they blush before nudging another girl and whispering something and they all quickly get little blushes on their faces and look away.

You smirk to yourself before you turn back to John.

Boy, does he not look happy.

“Yo Johnny boy, those our drinks up on the counter?” You ask, snapping your fingers in front of his face so that he jolts back from glaring over at the girls, and turns to see the two drinks set on the counter. He takes his and hands you yours, and you don’t miss the way his eyes flick past you every now and then.

You’re about to take a sip from your drink, but when you look down

“John, what the hell is this?”

He grins as he drinks his own. When he finishes taking a swig, he pulls back and smacks his lip slightly.

“That’s your bitch lemonade.”

“Are you—are you for fucking serious?”

He grins even wider.

“For the Happy Meal you got me earlier.”

“Not cool bro.”

“Hey come on, lemonade isn’t so bad.”

“It’s for women who wear pink all the time and look cutesy wootsy.”

“Then I don’t see what the problem is.” He says, smiling down as he goes to take another swig. You nudge him with your shoulder before taking a sip of your goddamn lemonade, and he laughs into his cup.

“I’ll drink it, but only because I’m a sensitive man and therefore I’m sensitive to your feelings or whatever.”

“Wow, those words have just got me swooning!”

“Damn straight, I know how to play ‘em.”

“Um, excuse me?”

You snap out of joking mode and turn to look over at what looks like one of the girls who just got the balls to talk to you. You can see how nervous she is by the blush on her face. You guess she’s kind of cute; her hair reminds you a bit of Jade’s, except it’s a light brown and not as curly.

“Sup?”

“I was just wondering if you’d maybe, uh… wanna come dance with me and some of my friends?”

You glance sideways at John, and you almost wince at how tightly you can see him clenching his jaw.

You are also worried about the cup in his hands because his knuckles are white from how tensely he’s holding it, and it may or may not shatter in like two seconds if you don’t remedy this.

“Can’t, sorry; stuck here with my bro, you know. Can’t leave him behind and stuff.”

“He could come, too.” She says quickly.

“Naw, he’s kind of exhausted from all that swimming and shit he was doing earlier. Man, you should have seen him; practically swum the entire expanse of the ocean twice. I gotta stick around and nurse him back to health.”

Her expression falls exponentially, and you feel like a massive dick.

“Right, okay… sorry to bother you.”

“Hey, it’s alright. You guys are too cute for me anyways, bet you can find someone better.”

Her blush returns full on, but she smiles shyly at you and quickly utters a small ‘thanks’ and dashes back to her friends. You watch her say something and they sort of freak out a bit, and you smile a little to yourself as you turn back to John.

He’s watching you with some really fucking wide eyes.

“Uh… John, you alright?”

“Wha—I… yeah. Yeah, I’m good.” He grins widely and takes a quick sip of his drink before staring down at it more a moment before holding it out to you.

“Wanna switch?”

“What happened to my punishment and the whole bitch lemonade thing?” You ask, raising an eyebrow. He shrugs, smiling even more. “What’d you get anyways?”

“They kind of don’t have Pepsi, so I had to go with Coke.”

You stare at him.

He laughs.

“Dude, just take my stupid Cola. I like lemonade better, anyways.”

You don’t hesitate before swapping drinks with him, and he laughs a little more as you take a sip and let out along sigh, pulling it back to stare lovingly at it.

“You have a fucking heart of gold.”

He shrugs, grinning crookedly at you.

“What can I say? I care deeply about you, man.”

You two lean back against the counter again, watching people dance and the DJ work and… well okay, you are. John is looking up at the sky.

You follow his gaze, keeping quiet because you know he’s always thinking about some big stuff when he’s staring up at the clouds and stuff. He’s always loved the sky, and you’ve known this for however long you’ve known John. Even if he’s never really mentioned anything like that.

You can just see it in the way his eyes soften and how careful his gaze is.

You think sometimes, when he’s looking up, he wishes he could be flying.

“There might be a thunderstorm later on.” He remarks quietly, eyes unfaltering as he takes a small sip from his lemonade.

Your heart stops for a moment before you force it to start moving again, and you turn your attention back to the sky.

You carefully take a sip of Cola, watching the clouds in unease as they drift slowly overhead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you wanna see more learning to swim, orrrrrrr would it be cool if a thing happened instead of that thing or more swimming of thing??? words????
> 
> whispers hey i like feedback


	15. You're Being Furry Dumb

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh-oh spaghettio

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

TG: yo harley  
TG: harley davidson  
TG: vroom vroom come on talk to me  
TG: it says youre online jade dont leave me to stew in my own loneliness here  
TG: jade  
TG: jade  
TG: jade  
TG: harley pay attention to me  
TG: look hey its dave maybe i should go talk to him wow that sounds like a great idea i love dave hes the best  
TG: jeez jade i didnt know you felt so passionately about me  
TG: i love you dave and ive always loved you and your cool shades and your even cooler raps you are the coolest kid dave oh swoon  
TG: jade please calm down i am in a committed relationship  
TG: i dont care dave its all coming out now i want to have your babies i want to have your child and i want you to raise it with me their name will be george  
TG: woah okay i think im gonna stop there that was getting a little intense  
TG: next thing you know youd be charging me for child care and id be like ‘wait hold up i did not do the sex’  
TG: and then youd be like ‘oh gosh diddly darn it you caught me!!!!!!!!!!!!’  
TG: because thats how you talk right  
TG: of course it is when am i ever wrong  
TG: is that cloud grey  
TG: no fuck you cloud go back where you came from  
TG: why am i typing all of this out  
TG: maybe its because i talk to myself a lot  
TG: you know its funny i used to be a pretty quiet kid but then i met you assholes and now ive basically just lost the ability to stop talking  
TG: go fucking figure  
TG: flipped my world upside down  
TG: im hanging onto a tree to keep from falling up  
TG: would that happen  
GG: actually, the earths gravitational pull would keep everything stationed!  
TG: how long have you been here and just been watching me talk to myself  
GG: uhhhhhhh, a while??  
GG: maybe…. maybe the entire time :P  
TG: gee thanks a lot  
TG: really i appreciate it  
TG: wow thank you for letting me talk to myself  
TG: thanks  
TG: so much thank you  
GG: dave!!  
TG: yes hey thats my name  
GG: bluh, okay, listen! i probably wouldnt have started talking to you if i hadnt just realized something pretty big :o  
TG: once again thank you  
TG: feeling the love  
GG: shut up!! im talking about you and john  
GG: arent you two supposed to be on a date??  
TG: we are on a date  
GG: ………  
TG: what  
GG: …..  
GG: ………  
GG: ………!!!!!!  
TG: woah shit calm down  
GG: why are you talking to me if youre with john, dumbass!!!!  
TG: im waiting for john to come back control yourself  
TG: lower down the number of exclamation points at least  
GG: okay…. okay, calming down  
GG: …. wheres john??  
TG: went to the bathroom or some shit  
TG: we had just been dancing a bit and then out of nowhere he was like ‘dude i gotta do a thing brb’  
TG: so i was like ‘k i think i might just chill by our stuff’  
GG: uhhhh????  
GG: chill by your stuff? dancing???  
TG: oh yeah he took me to a beach  
GG: OMG!!!  
TG: look i know its so exciting for you to hear i am on a beach like fuck put on your seat belt shit is getting crazy  
TG: but i have something i really need to ask you before john comes back and i have to resume my duties of being the gayest homo to ever gay  
GG: well…. okay? whats your question??  
TG: what are the chances of a thunderstorm happening today like for realsies  
TG: because i know you got some advanced stuff or whatever and honestly i trust you more than i trust those stupid as all hell weather guys  
TG: you know who try and crack jokes when they tell you wtf is going down with the sky and shit but their jokes all fall flat and they really just sort of look like theyre internally suffering all the time  
TG: i mean they really look like theyd rather just be drunk off their ass somewhere in canada or something idk  
GG: dave  
TG: sup  
GG: are you seriously asking me about the weather right now??  
TG: …  
TG: i swear to fuck im not some old creeper trying to get frisky with you  
GG: are you sure? because you kind of wrote a detailed story about me being in love with you to a creepy point and trying to get child care from you….  
TG: well in case you havent noticed ive gone gay for my best bro  
TG: sucks to be you  
TG: no but seriously answer the question  
GG: okay okay!! ill answer your weird old man question  
TG: k cool  
TG: thanks  
TG: youre the best  
GG: *rolllssssss eyes*  
GG: what ive got is that it is definitely going to thunderstorm a bit :P  
GG: pretty soon, actually!  
TG: oh  
TG: right  
TG: ok thanks  
TG: i should go  
GG: wait, why did you want to know anyways??? trying to fit in as much swimming as you can?  
TG: yes thats exactly what its about  
TG: k bye jade

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] \--

“… Uh, hey.”

You blink up from your iPhone screen to see a girl who looks to be about your age, standing awkwardly in a pink and white bikini. She’s holding a green towel and some sunscreen.

You raise your eyebrows at her, and she blushes.

“Sorry, my friends have all gone off to swim already and i can’t reach this spot on my back… Jesus, sorry, I can go ask someone else--”

“No, s’okay.” You say, stuffing your phone into the bag and turning to face her better from where you’re sitting down on your towel. You gesture in front of you, and she smiles brightly before sitting down, her back facing towards you as she holds the sunscreen over her shoulder. You take it and place a fair amount in your hands before you start putting it on her back, and she lifts up her shoulder-length hair as your hands move.

You can basically feel how fast her heart is racing, and you really hope this wasn’t all just some dumb pick up because here you are, being a decent human being. If this was just some ploy to try and get you to touch one of her boobs or something, no matter how awesome that would admittedly be, you would be greatly disappointed in the state of the world.

Like, if you just wanna ask someone out, just fucking say it. Don’t needlessly beat around the bush.

You realize how dumb it is that you’re thinking that, considering that is kind of what you do ninety percent of the time.

Still, though.

“Thanks a lot for this, by the way.” She says after a moment as you smear sunscreen on her shoulders.

“No problem, it’s not really that big of a deal. Your friends are sort of douchebags for going without you, though.”

She laughs a bit.

“They’re not all that bad; they just couldn’t wait to go swimming. We’ve heard there’s supposed to be a thunderstorm later on, so we want to get in as much swimming as we can.”

You hand pauses briefly before you make it work again, smoothing down the sunscreen on her back.

“Yeah, bummer.” You mutter, eyes flicking up towards the sky for a moment.

You take a few more seconds to rub the sunscreen into her skin a little more before drawing your hands back.

“All done.”

She lets out a sigh before standing and turning around to take the sunscreen from your outstretched hand.

“Thanks again.” You shrug slightly. “Hey, you think you might want to… come swim with us?”

“Dave, sorry I took so long! I got us a snow cone to share to make up for it.”

You turn around and watch John as he walks over and sits down beside you. You blink at the forced tone of his voice, but you don’t really get much time to think because, before you can fully register what in the ever-loving fuck is happening, there are lips pressed against yours and they’re John’s and John is just fucking kissing you and you don’t even

You just

You don’t fucking even.

You are pretty sure you had started to kiss back when John pulled away, because apparently the only part of your brain that’s working is the one that has that weird thing for kissing and lips and John and goddammit you don’t even know what the hell you’re thinking because why did that just transpire, what’s happening, are you still mentally stable what the hell.

You hear someone clear their throat, and you almost jolt, but you contain yourself to just a simple blink as you turn back and see the

Girl.

 

Oh.

 

You really hope to all fuck that you are not blushing because she certainly is and John certainly is not and you don’t wanna be grouped with the girl, I mean you’re just gonna be honest here shit wait, what are you being honest about, brain come on.

This can’t keep fucking happening every time you and John kiss, Jesus Christ.

“S-sorry, I didn’t know you were—oh gosh, sorry. U-uh, I’ll just g-go.” Her face is flushed bright fucking red as she bows her head and quickly leaves, and you really want to say something to try and make sure she knows it’s okay or something, you feel kind of bad for that to be the end of your fucking social interaction, but all notion of words have left you.

However, in your wordless state you manage to pick up on the fact that John is sitting much closer than he really needs to, and now he’s leaning his head onto your shoulder and nuzzling against you and you think those are purrs, yep those are purrs, and

And okay, you maybe sort of loop your arm around him automatically and lean back against him, and you think feel a small smirk slipping onto your face.

“You get so fucking possessive,”

“I am not possessive.” He fires back, nuzzling further against you before lightly rubbing his cheek against yours. You snicker and he bats you lightly before he rests back against you.

“Is it a kitty or a John thing?”

“I got us a stupid snow cone, so shut up and eat it.” He mutters, nudging said snow cone towards you. You snort.

“Wow, would you look at that, it seems my arms have become unusable by some horrid twist of fate. I can’t take the snow cone from your hands for the life of me; oh John, how grievous this outcome--”

He shoves it up further towards your face.

“Shut your stupid mouth and eat, dumbass.”

You laugh a little before you sweep some of the shredded ice up with your tongue, and you hum lightly in content as you lean further against John.

“Thanks, babe.” You say as he takes his own lick, and he nudges you before he pulls back from the snow cone a crinkles his nose.

“Please don’t call me babe.”

“Toots any better? Or maybe sweet cheeks?”

“Why do I like you so much, oh my god…”

You laugh even more, turning to watch the waves breathe against the beach.

You like the way the ocean sounds, you figure. Even with a beat pumping off in the distance, you find your attention is more drawn towards the gentle crashing of the waves.

Jesus, that sounds so fucking stupid.

He holds the snow cone back in front of your face, and you almost let out another laugh as you lick a long stripe along it. John pulls a face, and then you actually do laugh.

“Hey, wanna do something fairly homo?” You ask after a minute. John raises his eyebrows at you.

“What do you have in mind?”

“Just to keep from the extremely dumb back and forth, and to keep you from shoving shaved ice into my face, we should just eat this stupid snow cone at the same time. You know, you get one side, I get the other; fight.”

He snorts and rolls his eyes, but holds up the snow cone in between you. You grin as you start eating from the side closest to you and John does the same just opposite. You make sure to make as many faces as you can as you lick as languidly as fucking possible, and John bites his lip, his eyebrows pinching as he fights to keep himself from laughing.

“Please don’t do this.” He mutters, a start of a laugh escaping him before he presses his lips tightly together. The snow cone is starting to shake a bit from how much he’s trying to keep from letting it out.

You make sure to make a gurgling moan sound with your next lick, and John absolutely loses it. He nearly drops the snow cone, but you grab it from him just before he divulges into a fit of giggles. You smirk as you keep taking small licks at the snow cone, feeling very, very accomplished. 

“You are the biggest—fucking—dork—ohmygod—”

You roll your eyes.

“If I’m the dork, what does that make you?”

“Coolkid.” He gasps, pulling himself together and wiping a bit at his eyes as he grins over at you.

“I think definitely fucking not.”

“Uh-huh, I am definitely the coolkid.”

“Naw, I think you could be a bit cooler. Here, let me help you out.”

 

You shove the snow cone onto his chest.

 

He shrieks like a little girl.

 

You lose your shit.

 

That is, until you hear a distant roll of thunder.

You stop pretty fucking fast, then.

Your eyes are locked above you, staring at the grey clouds rolling in as John still flips out, too caught up in how his nipples are frozen to notice anything.

Your eyes flick between the clouds and John for a moment before you lightly hit John’s leg with the back of your hand.

“Yo, we should get going.” You say quickly. He glares over at you as he wipes off what’s left of the snow cone, and you see his hat twitch in agitation.

“I am so done with your shit Da—”

“Dude,” you gesture behind him to the sky, and he huffs before turning around. He stares at it for a moment, his head tilting to the side a bit. There’s another deep rumble, and you think you see John smile, which completely fucking perplexes you because the best thing you get out of thunder is a horrible feeling deep in the pit of your stomach.

He turns back to you and shrugs, a ghost of a smile still tugging at his lips.

“Right, okay. We can go hang at my place—it’s closer than your apartment, anyways—to wait it out, and come back here later. I hear night swimming is pretty fun.”

“Yeah sure, but we should probably go.” You say, standing and wiping away as much sand as you can from your person. John nudges you slightly as you both shove your towels into the bag.

“I think I deserve a hug to warm me up; that was mean.”

You quickly take the back and start hopping the stairs to the changing tents, John following after you.

“Later we can have sloppy make-outs, that should warm you up pretty fast.” You say absently, eyes flicking up to the sky as another roll of thunder sounds.

“Dude, what is up with you all of the sudden?” John asks as you reach the top, and you swallow slightly before spotting an open tent.

“Nothing, I’m fan-fucking-tastic.” You grab your clothes from the bag and walk backwards towards the tent a bit as you watch the grey clouds slowly drift closer on the horizon.

“You can change while I change; I’ll meet you up on the side walk.” You mutter quickly before disappearing into the tent and stopping as soon as you’re safe behind the bright orange and blue cloth. You give yourself a few seconds to breathe, closing your eyes and trying to get yourself to stop acting like such a dumb shit.

Your heart rate skyrockets when you hear a faint rumble, and you let out a shaky breath.

It had to be today, of all fucking days. When you’d promised to spend most of your day with John, when you told him specifically that you wouldn’t back-down, bro promise and all.

Goddammit.

You’re so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay sorry this is brief and most of it is pesterlog stuffs, but hopefully next chapter will be longer  
> and it will probably be from john's view as well  
> and maybe i'll be able to get it out pretty soon hopefully, please future-me get it out soon  
> siigggggnnnnn  
> writing


	16. Anything Else You Wanna Tell Me, Purrhaps?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah idk either

Your name is John Egbert and… well okay, you might be more than a little worried about Dave.

You two arrived at your house not too long after you’d left the beach. Your hair is still kind of wet, but his is fairly dry. I mean, you guess for one thing that your hair is kind of much thicker than his. This kind of sucks hardcore because the left-over water is annoying you a bit, like it always does. You don’t have anything specifically against water, you just don’t like the way it feels afterwards when there are small droplets trickling down your face and arms and legs and everything.

Also you are pretty sure there is some water dripping down your ears. Ugh, because you had to wear your hat, it sort of focused a lot more water onto your head and that might also very possibly be why you’re still about as wet as you had been back at the beach.

You let out a long sigh as you and Dave pass through the entryway, Dave heading off to probably go get something from the kitchen or to just flop onto the couch, you aren’t really sure, but you take a moment before following after him to take off your wet as all-hell hat and hang it up so that it can try. You shake your head a bit, letting your ears perk fully upright as they flick to try and rid themselves of water. You grab your towel from the bag to quickly dry off your hair a little better before putting it away again and trudging after Dave.

You are kind of really fucking thankful that you don’t have to wear your big dumb hat around Dave anymore, you feel much more relaxed around him.

You find him curled up on the couch, remote in his hand as he flips through the channels on your TV.

It’s darkened considerably outside, and so when a flash of lightning lights the room, you and Dave jolt a bit. You get over it fairly quickly, beginning to smile because jesus, you love storms, but… Dave is still tense on the couch. He appears to be holding the remote tighter than he had before, and you can see the tense clench of his jaw (and the racing of his pulse through his veins on his neck, but you choose to ignore this information because it makes you feel a little uncomfortable). You carefully make your way over to Dave, and slowly, very slowly, sit beside him. You don’t stop watching his face as you gently ease your hand on top of his as his knuckles whiten around the remote, a rumble of thunder causing his mouth to part slightly as he takes a sharp intake of breath. You carefully pry his fingers from around the remote. This causes him to snap out of whatever that was, and he turns to face you a little more before quickly turning back to the TV.

“You pick what we watch, then.” He mutters, pulling his legs up further towards himself as he hugs them. Your eyes don’t leave him for a few seconds longer before you force them to turn back to the TV and focus on finding something to watch.

You’re pretty sure he’s… he is, uh.

No, no… no way. He couldn’t be.

Could he?

Definitely, but you don’t understand why… wouldn’t you have more reason to be…?

You shake your head a bit, clicking through the channels a little faster before finding some weird animated movie thing that’s playing on some movie appreciation channel thing whatever.

You glance over at Dave, looking for any sign of protest or just… well, anything, really. Instead, his face is in a state of blankness that you haven’t seen for a long, long time.

It sort of freaks you out, to be completely honest.

You wanna say something, but you figure maybe Dave would appreciate it if you just… didn’t.

You’re tempted to snuggle up against him, but he looks so tense that you kind of feel like snuggles wouldn’t be all that great.

You choose to curl up on your side of the couch instead.

“This looks kind of French,” he says after a moment, and it startles you a bit. You blink at him, confused before you remember oh yeah, you’re supposed to be watching a movie. Right.

You turn back to the animation and tilt your head slightly, mouth quirking to the side as you contemplate.

You distantly hear the beginnings of rain. You feel a lot better because of it.

“What makes you say French?” You ask, turning back to Dave. He gestures lightly with his hand to the television.

“Looks like Sylvain Chomet.”

You stare blankly at him. He sighs exasperatedly, some of the tension seeming to leak out of him.

“He did Triplets of Belleville. You know the weird as all fuck film where the dude goes on the bike race and then gets kidnapped and there are three old singers and shit?”

You blink.

“The guy who gets kidnapped is skinny and has a long ass nose and the body guards, like, conjoin together and the old lady goes all the way to America from France to save the guy and Jesus Christ, man, have you seriously never seen it?”

You smile sheepishly, shrugging your shoulders as you turn back to the TV.

“I don’t watch weird French films in my spare time, dude.”

“Yeah, you watch shit!”

You grin a little wider; there he is he’s coming back.

“You could fucking learn something from watching Chomet; his stories are good, and his style is fucking fantastic. His characters are unique and goddamn beautiful because they aren’t just fucking perfect print-outs; they all have liable flaws and eccentricities to them.”

You glance over at him, grin ever growing as he rants. You always like when he shows his more passionate side.

“What’s more, he doesn’t slap plot in your face like it’s a fish fresh out of water and he just couldn’t wait to chow down so he was like, ‘fuck it, we’re having sushi.’”

You snicker, and you see the corner of his lips quirk a little. Your ears pick up a very distant roll of thunder, but you suppose he can’t hear it, considering he doesn’t react.

“For him, it isn’t really that much about the plot, though, because the characters are so much more fucking interesting. You can see how much attention he gives to each one and yeah, it’s weird as hell, but it’s also admirable because he _cares_ about them. He understands that if you have fucking great characters, you don’t need a heavy plot.”

“And I guess you applied all this knowledge to Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff?”

He snorts as he rests his chin up on his knee, watching the man on-screen as he performs what looks to be a magic trick. That catches your attention a bit, and you turn to watch the movie better, ears perked forward instead of turned out to listen for thunder. You turn around after a moment and pluck a blanket from the back of the couch, tugging it over you and Dave. Dave smiles a little at the gestures, and quickly situates himself happily under it.

You’re about to lean against him a bit, kind of feeling the need or attention more than before, but a sudden clap of thunder sounds nearby. You flatten your ears against your head a bit, turning to admire the storm from what you can see through the window. Some lightning flashes and you smile slightly at the way it briefly highlights the rain.

Then you remember Dave, and you turn back to see him curled even tighter into himself, head down as his hands are pressed tightly against his ears. Your heart drops when you notice him shaking.

He’s obviously trying to stop, too.

“Dave—” You try and reach out to… well, you don’t know. Just try to comfort him, somehow. Instead, another roll of thunder that sounds like it’s directly over your house has him flinching further inwards. You hear his scared gasp, you see the tremble in his hands as they press harder against his ears, and you can practically feel how fast his heart is pounding.

“Dave, i-it’s fine.” And you aren’t really sure why your voice is trembling when it honestly has no right, but it does nevertheless. You think Dave’s panic is starting to affect you.

“Egbert, shut it.” He forces out, a distant rumble of thunder briefly making him tense again.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit…”

You open your mouth, wanting to say something, but he specifically told you not to talk and he seems pretty frustrated and scared and panicked oh god, but now you’re panicking because you just want him to be okay but you don’t know how to do it.

There’s a flash of lightning before another round of thunder, causing Dave to let out a short whimper, to which you respond with a sad mewl as you quickly move over to him, nudging your head against him and nuzzling him, your arms moving around him in some distant attempt to protect him.

He opens his mouth and you think he’s about to tell you off, but there’s more lightning and more thunder, and it’s louder, and it has him letting out a short, breathy, panicked sound before he clings to you tightly, burying his face into your shoulder. You let out a quiet meow, rubbing your cheek against his head as you start to purr desperately, kneading and rubbing at the back of his shirt.

More thunder, but this time he only tightens his grip, pressing his face just a little further against you. 

He mumbles something against you as more thunder rolls off in the distance, his voice wavering and cracking as it does. While you couldn’t exactly hear all of what he said, you basically already know.

You hold him tighter, trying to respond to him, but only getting out a short, rolling mew. You nuzzle him more, purr fluctuating in volume as you frantically try and shield him from the storm.

You hope he understands that you’re also telling him he doesn’t need to apologize, because he really doesn’t.

You really don’t want him to.

You yank the blanket further up, wrapping it carefully around Dave before kissing his cheek, forehead, and nose. You rest your cheek against his and let your purrs grow louder again, shutting your eyes as you will for all reason to be scared to go away. You feel almost possessively that you need to keep him safe.

You also feel that you don’t really know too well how to do that.

You start rocking back and forth as you hold him, purrs vibrating in your chest in some weird hope that each rumble from you would distract from one outside.

He whimpers and gasps against you at each sound, and you feel as if this is the first time Dave has openly shown you any sort of weakness he may have. 

Then again, this isn’t really much of his choice. He’s still trying to stop from shaking, each sound he makes is choked or muffled… you just want him to relax. He’s too tense, and you still have no idea how to really help.

You kiss carefully at the top of his head, eyes flicking to the TV for a moment before you nuzzle yourself against him again, purrs back full on. You can’t really seem to get yourself to say words, so you just let out mewls that you hope make him feel better whenever a particularly loud clap of thunder is heard.

You don’t know exactly how long you’ve been urgently trying to calm Dave down when you finally feel him grow less tense and more limp, burying himself closer and mumbling incoherent words into your neck as you keep up your purring, gently rubbing your cheek against him, silently urging him to just let go already.

It’s a little while after that when he finally just passes out, but you keep your purrs steady and you don’t dare stop swaying from side to side, just in case. You can still hear the thunder and the rain, and there are some occasional strikes of lightning, but you find yourself able to relax at them now that Dave’s asleep.

You’ve always liked rain and storms and just really anything to do with the weather. You’ve never fully understood why, but you figure you sort of don’t want to. You like this unknown connection to the sky; it’s one of the few things that can really set you at ease.

You have to wonder why it freaks Dave out so much.

But you also know that he’ll tell you on your own time, and if you push it the chances of him actually fessing up are unlikely.

You know it isn’t the noise because, for one thing, he loves blasting his music as loud as he can get away with, and for another, if the noise was a problem, you’d probably be getting freaked, too. Way, way more than him.

It took you until third grade to find out, but your hearing is kind of something else.

 

You sweep the hair from out of Dave’s eyes, and you’re hit with a light pang when you’re reminded of the night at Rose’s.

You hope he still doesn’t blame himself.

You know your hope is dumb and wasted because of course he still does.

You feel even worse.

You hold him tighter and kiss the top of his head.

He moves closer to you, and you can feel his shades pressing into you. You frown a little; knowing that it’s gotta feel uncomfortable for him, too. You gently ease him back enough so you can slip off his shades, something you’ve never gotten to do before.

You admire the freckles dusted over his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, and the way his blond lashes lightly touch his cheek. As you see his eyes move underneath his eyelids, his eyelashes twitch a bit along with them.

You smile a bit before lightly kissing his eyelids and settling him back against you, purrs ever present, though dulled down from before. You keep yourself moving slightly before you let your own eyes shut, slinking further back against the couch as you keep Dave close.

You fall asleep to the rain and the gentle feeling of his breath against you.

 

You dream of flying.

\--

Your name is Dave Strider, and you really wish you weren’t waking up because you sort of feel extremely shitty.

Your memories from before you fell into the land of Snoring and Z’s are pretty distant and blurred together. You remember Sylvain Chomet and the thunderstorm, but that is pretty much it.

Great, glad you remembered the French animator. 

You feel like you’re missing a pretty huge piece from your memory, but you feel that as long as a thunderstorm was involved, you can pretty much just say it was a disaster.

Your sleep-addled mind won’t let you remember anything else for now.

Fine, whatever.

You just wish you weren’t awake.

You let out a long groan as you hug your pillow just a little

 

Breathing.

Your pillow is breathing.

 

Okay, Strider. I think now would be a good time to open your eyes.

 

Your eyes blink open for a second before quickly shutting again, and you let out a short groan at the light before forcing your eyes to open again.

You’re met with… a neck.

Okay, progress.

Cool.

You pull back a bit to get a better view, and your body completely relaxes when you see it’s John.

Well, it relaxes for like ten seconds.

And then you remember _everything_.

And then you groan.

And then you chant ‘shit’ to yourself like you’re some Buddhist monk and it’s your mantra.

You rest your forehead back against John’s shoulder, eyes squeezed tightly shut as you continue your mantra because you’re trying to reach fucking spiritual enlightenment here.

You feel him start to stir, and you instantly freeze up, mouth clamping shut. You force your body to kick start so you can move back from John and try and think up some kind of excuse for you acting like a total pussy.

He’s stretching and his ears are flicking downwards and his back is arching and he is going to open his eyes any second now, think you fucking idiot.

His eyes flutter open.

You got nothing.

You open your mouth anyways and hope the bullshit you spout will at least be coherent.

Well, okay… you _would_ have started spouting bullshit, were it not for the way John looks at you as soon as he’s awake enough to see you properly.

His mouth hangs open slightly and his ears are completely perked upright and his fucking eyes are the widest you have ever seen them.

They’re also possibly the brightest you’ve ever seen them. Actually, you didn’t ever see his eyes as this bright a shade of blue.

Everything is actually pretty bright, to be honest. You can’t really figure why this

Why

Brighter

Everything is

 

Shit.

 

You quickly glance over to the coffee table, and you nearly vomit at the sight of your shades laying there.

You turn your eyes back to John in abject horror, mind trying and failing to keep up as you try desperately to figure out a way to remedy the situation.

The best thing you come up with is to ollie the fuck outie.

You really wish you could, but you are kind of glued to your spot.

Are you breathing?

Shit, you really hope you’re still breathing.

You wanna close your eyes, shut out the world and from John seeing the fucking color, but you can’t do fucking _anything_.

He tilts his head to the side, eyes still trained carefully on you. You can’t seem to recall whether or not he’s blinked this entire time, but no matter what you feel kind of pinned. You press yourself back into the couch.

“They’re red,” He mutters, and you want to laugh. No fucking shit they’re red.

Instead, though, you flinch.

That seems to finally hint him towards how uncomfortable you are, and his eyebrows furrow.

“Dave, you okay?”

“Do I fucking _look_ okay?” You answer exasperatedly, your voice choking in a way you really wish it just fucking wouldn’t.

Jesus Christ, this whole thing really has just been drama out the ass for you.

You think you hate dates.

“Dude, don’t—I like them.”

This time, you actually do laugh.

“No, I’m serious.” John states quickly, moving closer to you. You press back into the couch, eyes averted to the far wall.

“They’re so… vibrant.”

“Wow, such the artist.” You mutter, stomach twisting unpleasantly as horrible thoughts flit through the back of your head.

“No, shut up. They really are. They’re so bright they kind of glow?”

“Wow, cool. Maybe I’ll be able to use them to terrorize people on the street into giving me their money; ‘give me your wallet or I will go full demon on you’.”

“They aren’t demonic.” He mutters, sounding almost hurt.

You turn your gaze back to John.

“They’re red.”

“They’re cool.” He replies, and you roll your cool eyes in derision.

“It looks like someone developed my photo wrong.”

“Why are you trying so hard to convince me that they’re so horrible?”

Your mouth opens to shoot him a reply, but you promptly shut it again because you don’t have one.

“Just because you don’t like them doesn’t mean I have to hate them, too. They actually aren’t as demonic as you think they are. They suit you.”

“What the hell do you know? Dude, my fucking kindergarten teacher screamed and cried because of my eyes; I got _kicked out_ of kindergarten because of them. Nobody fucking went near me because of them. And back in Texas? Do you know how big of a deal that was? The whole demon child thing?”

He doesn’t respond, just keeps his eyes trained on yours. Your hand twitches with the urge to reach for your shades already, but you refrain.

“Why do you think Bro and I moved in the first place? Shit didn’t go down too well.”

He stares at you for a second, searching your eyes for something.

Eventually, he lets out a sigh and stands up.

“I’ll be right back,” he says quietly. “If your shades are on when I come back, I’ll snap them in half.”

You jerk your head around to watch him as he leaves in confusion. When he falls out of view, hopping up the stairs, your gaze falls back onto your shades.

God, this whole date just became one giant fucking mess.

You rub tiredly at the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes and letting out a sigh.

When you open your eyes again, John is back and sitting beside you.

You almost jolt back and let out a yell.

Thank fucking god you’re used to Bro doing that.

“Dude, where are your glass… es…”

You trail off as your eyes go wide, and you distantly notice John giving you a shy smile.

Distantly because you’re focused on other things.

Such as the _slits_ of his pupils.

Like

Like cat eyes.

“You never told me you had contacts,” you force out, even if you already know that the answer is that

“These aren’t the contacts, man.”

Yep.

“So then the others are…?”

“Yep, those would be the contacts.”

They look so strange; they make him look almost alien.

In an… attractive way.

Is that a thing?

Well whatever, it sure as hell is one now.

“So uh… why the glasses, then?”

“The contacts I have to wear actually really constrict my vision and… ha, yeah. They’re pretty neat otherwise; I can wear them overnight and in the pool and everything, they just… cut off a bit of what I can see.”

“Is there… is there any other cat stuff I should know about?” You manage, and he laughs a bit.

“See, your eyes aren’t that bad. Your eyes are a really pretty shade of red, dude. Mine are… a freaky cat… slit… weird… yeah.”

You haven’t stopped looking at them; they’re kind of enchanting in the weirdest way.

“Wanna switch?” You ask after a moment, and that earns another laugh from him.

“Naw, I’m kind of enjoying the view.”

“Yeah, I guess I am, too.”

“… Are we just going to stare lovingly into each other’s eyes for the rest of our time together, or what?”

You grin, scooting closer so you can rest your forehead against his.

“I’m totally down. You cool with that?”

He smiles gently at you, and the slits of his eyes dilate.

“Sounds good to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bippity boop this chapters poop


	17. Are Mew Fur Furcking Serious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave: get harassed

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-  
GG: strider, come in strider!!  
GG: daaaaaaaaaave!!!!!!  
GG: im gonna keep using more exclamation marks until you talk to me!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: dave you asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
TG: excuse me for a moment i think you just made me internet deaf  
TG: im gonna need to go through some intensive therapy to get over the drama of this horrible event  
TG: gonna have to learn how to read lips and shit  
TG: maybe even learn some sign language but i mean lets be honest how many people actually already know that  
TG: i mean would that honestly be making things convenient for anyone  
TG: heres the plan ok  
TG: ill go learn sign language  
TG: you wrangle up as many people as you can and teach them too  
TG: obviously this is the easiest way around the problem  
TG: can you hear the internet sarcasm  
TG: i cant be sure anymore because im internet deaf  
GG: dave can you stop being a dumb for like two seconds?  
TG: im sorry what was that  
TG: youre gonna have to speak up  
GG: ugh!!  
GG: sometimes i really want to internet slap you :/  
TG: but dont you internet love me  
GG: arent you internet deaf? how did you hear that?  
GG: caaaauuugghhht youuuuuuuu ;)  
TG: sorry did you just say something  
GG: thats it, im sicking rose on you  
TG: jade  
TG: jade no im sorry

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-  
TT: I have been sicked.

TG: god fucking damn it harley  
GG: ;)   


TT: Dave, guess what the topic we will be talking about today?  
TT: No, I am not referring to your crippling insecurities about your own worth, though we will get back to that eventually, don’t worry.  
TT: Nor is it the related inferiority complex you possess.  
TT: It isn’t even about your strange dreams, even though those are always quite the treat for a Freudian mind such as myself.  
TT: No, I’m afraid I must postpone all of that because guess what we still haven’t finished discussing?   


TG: god motherfucking damn it  
TG: you cruel cruel person  
GG: ;) ;) ;) ;)  
GG: have fun!  
GG: ;)  
TG: no fuck dont you dare   
\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] –-  
TG: youre sick

TT: How was he on your date? 

You slam your head on the desk and let out a long, fully justifiable groan.

You think you hear Bro laugh in the living room.

You yell at him to shut the hell up.

He laughs harder.

“I love that Lalonde chick.” He shouts to you. You go over to the door and stick your head out of your room to yell down the hall and ask him how he knew it was her.

He laughs more.

Fuck him.

TG: he was dandy  
TT: Oh really? How dandy?  
TG: so dandy that yankee doodle was kicked out of town and got his feathered hat rights revoked  
TT: And how were you?  
TG: i was a pickled peach  
TG: actually no i dont wanna be a pickled peach that sounds fucking gross  
TG: i was a grilled peach  
TG: grilled peaches are pretty alright  
TG: peach pie is also p swank  
TG: yeah fuck it i was a peach pie  
TG: i was such a peach pie that when little jack horner stuck his thumb in that dumbass christmas pie, instead of a plum he got a fucking peach  
TG: i was the pie  
TG: i was such a peach pie that i peach pied my way into jack horners life  
TG: peaches are better than plums anyway that fucker better be grateful  
TT: I’m not going to lie; your usage of children’s nursery rhymes is worrisome.  
TT: And begs me to ask the question if it really did go all that well?

“Fuuuuck,”

“Send her kisses from me.”

“Bro, get out of my room!”

TG: it was great  
TG: it was fucking fantastic  
TG: we danced the night away and in the moonlight i told him how beautiful his eyes were  
TG: with the ocean lapping gracefully at the beach and the stars above  
TG: i serenaded him and he swooned so hard he temporarily died  
TG: when he came back he said he saw his whole life flash before his eyes  
TG: and within that brief moment of reliving everything  
TG: he realized he wanted to spend the rest of his years with me  
TG: and i told him i loved him  
TG: and we kissed passionately while a mariachi band fucked the night air with the soothing tunes of la cucaracha  
TG: with obama rapping in the background  
TT: Let’s start from the beginning; when exactly did it start to go wrong?  
TG: i fucking hate you

“Your attempts to divert the topic are fuckin’ adorable.”

“ _Get out of my room_.”

TT: You know just as well as I do that you are eventually going to tell me. Why not get it over with and surpass all the needless bullshitting?  
TG: the longer i can keep my soul before you suck it out the better  
TG: did you see the new sbhj update  
TT: I did indeed.  
TT: Wasn’t impressed.  
TT: Bro is clearly harboring feelings for Jeff of which he’s been suppressing, trying his best to accommodate for Jeff’s internalized homophobia.  
TT: He’s been watching from the sidelines for a while now, acting oblivious as Jeff distracts himself with his mother’s hot ass and copulating with her, even.  
TT: And he, in an attempt to keep his feelings as hidden as possible, fell under that peer pressure and also did the nasty with his mother.  
TT: Personally, I feel like you’ve layered on the sexual tension enough.  
TT: I believe after the shaving incident would have been a good time to resolve the problems that still sat between them.  
TT: However, you decided to make things even tenser by immediately taking them to a church afterwards.  
TT: And with Jeff’s seeming inability to properly pray, I would like to take a step further and say he was doing it on purpose.  
TT: He had realized his feelings for Bro, and being in a church, having grown up hearing that kind of relation was wrong, left him questioning much about himself.  
TT: He was scared.  
TT: Bro knows this, and is worried.  
TT: There, I think that’s enough.  
TT: I’ve fed into your distraction, now you need to start answering questions.  
TT: How did it start?  
TG: Well it xstarted like any other aday’  
TG: I wokge up feeleign rlkly gay.  


“Get the fuck away from my keyboard!”

“No hold on, I got this. Just—Dave, come on, step aside.” 

“ _I swear to fucking god_ \--!”

TG: Aand then i pray becuase I anm tTOTALLYY Religoyus  
TG: aAnd homo, di d i mentione that??;?  


“Okay little man, you’re making this a lot harder than it’s gotta be--”

“Just shut up and go back to fucking your stupid puppets-- _Bro, let go of my keyboard_.”

“Hahaha, hoh boy.”

TG: I had a nice breakfast of cock, actually.  
TG: Very nutritional.  
TG: You know, a lot of people are opposed to chicken for breakfast for some strange reason.  


“ _Set down my goddamn keyboard before I get my katana._ ”

“Dude, that shitty thing snapped in half like two days ago.”

“Well seeing as I have a fuckin’ knack for breaking shitty things, you shouldn’t be that different, huh?”

“Pfft, you speak in a loud ass voice but man do you have the shittiest, tiniest stick there is.”

“What the fuck.”

“I’m saying you talk big but you can’t do jack shit.”

“Watch me.”

TT: Ah, Dirk. I haven’t seen or talked to you in a while. How’ve you been?  
TG: Shit, was I really that obvious?  
TT: Oh no, rest assured the impression was quite spot-on. I only just managed to pick up on some subtle hints.  
TG: Well I’m glad to hear my impressioanmkp[‘;th  


“Holy fucking shit, lil bro, you are heavy as fuck.”

You wrestle on top of him, arm stretching up past your head to try and reach for the stupid fucking keyboard god _dammit_ , Bro.

He’s laughing like the jackass he is, holding his arm out away from you as he uses his free hand to keep you back.

You hate everything.

TT: Oh, right.  
TT: You two have a fun, family bonding fight.  
TT: I suppose I'll just… wait here.  
  


It takes you a few minutes, but you eventually manage to use your foot to force his face to the floor, and you yank the keyboard from his hand and let out a little premature sound of victory.

Premature because, as soon as you start going back to your desk, his foot sweeps out beneath you and suddenly you’re falling flat on your fucking face.

TG: fctvrg ctrffffvvgytvyyyyyfjkl,l  
TT: Looks as if you two are having a gay old time.  


You groan into the keyboard and Bro snorts another quick laugh behind you. You turn your face out a bit to watch as he stands and brushes off his pants like a pretentious prick before walking over to your door, nudging your side with his foot. You swat it away to the best of your ability.

“Good bro time. I’ll order that Chinese shit you like so much for dinner. Have fun getting chewed out by Rose.”

You flip him off as he walks out.

You lay there for a few seconds afterward, contemplating your decisions in life.

When you finally pull yourself up, your left cheek has the imprint of part of the keyboard. You notice it as you stand and head back to your computer. You grimace at your reflection for a second before sinking down into your chair, dropping your keyboard back onto the desk and swiping clean the keys a bit.

TG: do me a favor and never say gay when talking about me and my brother i dont even fucking care if youre using it in the old sense just please dont  
TG: i torture myself enough already please do not terrorize my brain with such images  
TT: As far as I’m concerned, you could very well be so off-put because you actually enjoy such incest-ual thoughts.  
TG: rose  
TG: please  
TG: ffs  
TT: Well, you still haven’t answered my question.  
TG: what question  
TT: “How did it start?”  
TG: oh that question  
TG: uh lets see  
TG: it was a bright and shiny morning  
TG: i had just woken from simply the most spiffing dream i have ever fucking had  
TT: Alright, nightmare noted.  
TG: i had a nice healthy breakfast consisting mainly of oxygen  
TG: and then i proceeded to play shitty video games  
TG: chat to john for ten seconds  
TG: and then wait for fuck knows how long for john to show up because my life is meaningless and has reached the point where boredom is now so constant i forgot what it even really feels like  
TG: and then john showed up and i remembered how dull the rest of my life is and had a moderately good time  
TT: Walk me through the date.  
TG: no  
TT: Yes.  
TG: goddammit  
TG: we got mcdonalds  
TT: And how does that make you feel?  
TG: it makes me feel like sometimes i want to reach through my computer screen and throttle you  
TG: you sarcastic snarky broad piece of shit  
TT: Sorry, couldn’t resist. Continue, please.  
TG: no  
TT: Yes.  
TG: GODDAMMIT  
TG: we got mcdonalds and then he took me to a beach with some kickass music thats p much it  
TT: No, there is definitely more.  
TG: i fucking  
TG: ok yeah so we were at the beach and we swam and shit woohoo  
TT: Keep going.  
TG: i breathed a bit too wow what a fucking accomplishment right  
TT: Jade said something about you wanting to know about a storm?  
TG: john said something about you being a basic bitch  
TT: Okay, touchy subject; interesting.  
TT: From what I gather from Jade, you were very paranoid.  
TT: And judging from other behaviors I’ve seen you demonstrate over the years, I’d question if astraphobia is the case.  
TT: Astraphobia, of course, being the abnormal fear of thunder and lightning, leading the person to behaviors such as sweating, crying, trembling, and panic attacks during events of a thunderstorm. Rapid heartbeat would of course accompany such behavior, and maybe even nausea.  
TT: Uniquely known for causing reactions that lead to seeking comfort from others, seeing as it worsens when one is alone.  
TT: And you, being alone a great majority of the time, probably developed it to an even worse state.  
TT: Perhaps even having let it spread to slight agoraphobia. Considering you don’t exactly leave the house too much, I could find it very plausible.  
TG: i present to you the reason why i hate talking to you about this stuff  
TT: And I present to you the reason why you have to; it will get worse if you don’t.  
TG: thats all touching and shit because its implying you care but rose  
TG: really  
TG: id rather just deal on my own  
TT: Did you not hear what I just said? You can’t. Being alone worsens it. You need to go to other people, David.  
TG: thats not even my name  
TT: The point remains relevant.  
TT: Trying to act all high and mighty will ultimately accomplish nothing but a falsely inflated ego.  
TG: yeah well i don’t even have that so  
TG: haha fuck you  
TT: How was it with John, at least?  
TG: it was  
TG: better  
TT: But is that saying much? That is, supposing it’s fairly bad for you.  
TG: it was significantly better  
TG: but that yeah that doesn’t really mean too much i still was a giant pussy about it  
TT: That’s a given for any situation.  
TG: hahahahahahaha  
TG: hahahahahahahah ahahaha ha  
TG: ha  
TT: Sorry.  
TG: are you  
TT: Sort of.  
TG: ok i guess thats the best im gonna get  
TG: ill take it  
TT: I have to go, actually, mother is once again trying to cook inebriated.  
TT: It’s a shame because I was really looking forward to talking to you about the next topic I was going to bring up.  
TT: It’s an even bigger shame because it really can’t wait, so I’ve contacted Kanaya, and she should start explaining it to you shortly.  
TG: rose  
TG: what  
\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
TG: no fuck what come back here what is so important and urgent you gotta get your girlfriend on me wtf 

You sit there staring at your computer screen in a mix of frustration and anxiety for what adds up to be only 5.7 seconds before Kanaya starts bugging you.

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

You see the first line of text and your mouth hangs open.

“You've gotta be shitting me.”

GA: Sexting Is Actually Quite An Easy Feat Should You Look At The Basics

\-----

Your name is John Egbert and you've been sitting at the dinner table for an hour now. You've resigned yourself to lightly playing with your lettuce using your fork as you use your other hand to prop up your head against the table. Your eyes glance to the clock for what seems to be the fiftieth time, and you let out a long sigh before dropping your fork onto your plate and simply staring down at the small meal of baked chicken and salad you'd manage to wrangle together.

You decide that ultimately, you aren't really all that hungry, and you quickly stand and gather the plates you'd set out on the table. Once you've slipped them into the freezer, covered with plastic wrap and fit for some other time.

You lean back against the counter and stare out the window, watching with some dumb, distant hope that a car will drive down the street. Of course, the only car that drives by is only passing through your small suburban neighborhood, and your insides twist unhappily.

However, you don't move from your spot.

As you stare out into the dark (well, not so dark for you) neighborhood, you frown to yourself.

It's almost been a week. 

Your father still hasn't come home. 

It's just like every other time, you try to reason with yourself. Rationalization, however, proves to fail as a voice echoes bitterly in the back of your head, and your ears press down flat.

Just like every other time, it hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha ha  
> ha  
> yeah  
> there's a thing happening i think i have an idea for a thing idk it's gonna make the fic a little more serIOUS BUT DON'T WORRY THERE WILL STILL BE PLENTY OF FLUFFS I PROMISE DON'T BE MAD AT ME  
> also apologies for the pesterlog-heavy chapter!


	18. Going Purrty Hot and Heavy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time is flaccid dicks

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] –-  
TG: so  
TG: egbert  
TG: egberty bert bert  
TG: eg of berts  
TG: like the fucking shah of iran  
TG: man you never told me you were a king   
TG: or i guess your title probably means something different huh  
TG: probably something like fucking jester  
TG: jester of assholes  
TG: gonna tickle your funny bone all right  
TG: if it wasnt clear btw when i said funny bone just then i was implying a penis  
TG: this is me trying to cyber with you egbert come on time is flaccid dicks  
EB: wait what?  
TG: oh right of course youd come back then  
TG: dammit egbert i was hoping for at least ten more minutes of rambling to myself  
TG: and youve just come along and ruined my fun  
TG: not even two minutes in  
TG: fucking rude i will have you know  
EB: what do you mean “trying to cyber”?  
TG: i mean im currently sticking my hand into a blender and rapping to myself as the national anthem plays off in the distance with hawks and bald eagles flying around  
TG: just bird shit everywhere  
TG: and im there by myself in the middle of party town  
TG: doing my duty  
TG: muttering softly to myself deep meaningful words  
TG: go go go go go go  
TG: go shawty its your birthday  
TG: we gonna party like its your birthday  
EB: dave, are you actually seriously saying that you… are trying to cyber with me?  
TG: we gon sip bicardi like its your birthday  
TG: what  
TG: oh  
TG: well yeah man  
TG: sorry was that not doing it for you  
TG: here let me just put on some smoother beats  
TG: lets just drop the thomas the tank engine theme in the background and call it a day  
EB: … this definitely isn’t you actually trying.  
EB: are you trying to try?  
TG: how is your ding dong not stiff as a good meringue right now egbert i dont understand you  
EB: oh god, you’re nervous, aren’t you?  
EB: that’s adorable, actually.  
TG: you know your captain winky and that meringue have something in common because i totally want both in my mouth right now  
EB: haha, you’re getting a little better there!  
EB: still, you called my dick captain winky.  
TG: what you want me to call it lieutenant winky  
TG: oh yeah i bet you like it when i demote you   
TG: you kinky bastard bet youre into all that weird ass kinky humiliation dom/sub shit  
TG: its okay baby i got you and your bologna pony all covered  
EB: pffft, you really do get kind of ridiculous when you’re nervous.  
EB: here, if you really do want to do this, how about we do it like this?  
TG: like what  
EB: you dickass, you were supposed to wait for me to type the rest!  
EB: ugh, how about we just start a little simpler?  
EB: i have a feeling you’re gonna be too nervous to do much of anything, so just let me lead.  
EB: … i mean, you DO actually want to do this, right?  
TG: wouldnt have brought it up if i wasnt gonna try dude come on  
TG: also im not that big of a wuss  
EB: you are kind of a wuss, dave.  
TG: yeah but not that big of one  
EB: …  
TG: what  
TG: what did i do now  
EB: … are you fine with me seeing you?  
TG: the hell kind of question is that  
TG: oh god forbid egbert SEE me oh no  
TG: dramatic fucking gasp  
EB: no i mean like... using webcams and stuff.  
EB: you know to like  
EB: you know.  
TG: oh  
TG: well yeah i mean  
TG: yeah  
TG: if itll help i guess  
\-- ectoBiologist [EB] requested for a video call with turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] accepted! --

And that was about the time when you wondered what in the actual fuck you’d gotten yourself into.

\---

You can see that he’s more than a little nervous, so you smile a little to try and help ease him a bit.

“Just relax, dude. We don’t have to do this if you don’t--”

“No, no, I wanna do this.” [i want to at least try and help you]

“Well… okay, sure but… look, if you start feeling uncomfortable or anything like that at all, just like… just say. Or just exit out of the chat, whatever you have to do.”

“S’why we’re doing it like this; if I decide to pussy out, I get a clean escape.” [and it wont be as bad for you]

You smile a little more, shaking your head a bit. He always thinks it’s so easy to hide his true intentions behind seemingly selfish words, but you’ve got a fine-tuned Strider Translator.

He’s just a big sweetie, and the fact that he even thought of this, let alone actually is going to try and do it, makes your heart just about melt.

You just hope that he hadn’t been beating himself up too hard about the incident at Rose’s all this time to get to this point.

You also hope he actually _is_ willing to do this, and not just doing it for your sake.

“Would you mind taking off your shades for this?” You ask carefully, and he seems to startle a bit.

“Wha—why?”

“Just do it, asshole.”

He watches you for a moment longer before sighing, reluctantly reaching up and sliding off his shades. He keeps his gaze trained down on them as he folds them and places them on his computer desk, but even then, the stark red is transfixing. So much so that it takes you a moment to see how much more uncomfortable he’s just become.

Right, well… you guess you should have thought of that.

“Sorry—I mean, if you’d feel better with—”

“Dude,” He holds up a hand, and you cut yourself off. “Just leave it, it’s fine. Whatever.”

“No really, if you feel—”

“John, I already feel like enough of an asshat, just fuckin’ move on.”

You clamp your mouth shut and nod, and you both just watch each other for a moment but—well, okay, you notice Dave staring, and it takes you a second to think of what exactly he could be staring at.

“Oh, sorry, uh… are the eyes putting you off?” You hadn’t bothered putting in your contacts at all today; you were just sitting around the house anyways, and you weren’t really thinking about it much before the call. You know they’re creepy and weird and yeah, they are definitely probably weirding him out.

“I’ll just go get my contacts, one second—”

“No, leave them out.” You blink, and your ears flick a bit as you tilt your head curiously to the side a bit over at Dave. He blushes a little, shoulders hunching.

“Just, you know… It’ll probably be more comfortable for you and shit without em, and y’know just… they’re fine.”

You almost laugh, but you manage to hold it back for his sake.

“They’re fine?” You echo, and his flush deepens adorably.

“Yeah shut the fuck up and just… start.”

You can’t help yourself—you burst out laughing.

“You really aren’t good at this, huh?”

“Okay Egbert, if you’re so fucking knowledgeable about jackin’ it over the goddamn internet, do whatever the fuck you gotta do. Sorry I don’t go on websites and just start beatin’ it in front of a goddamn camera like apparently you do, so lead the fuckin’ way to Valhalla, oh great Valkyrie.”

You laugh a little more, and just as Dave’s opening his mouth to angrily spout some more bullshit, you cut him off.

“Take off your shirt.”

He blinks at you.

He opens his mouth again, wanting to say something but quickly deciding against it, snapping his mouth shut and slowly, oh so slowly, tugging his shirt off.

And now, you can finally allow yourself to notice how beautiful he is.

He’s always been a little gangly, tall and skinny and while you know he tends to think it’s awkward looking, you find it to be quite the opposite. In the way he holds himself, in the way he moves and walks and stands and sits and all of it, he manages to angle himself every time, situate himself into something that you suppose you can only really say is slick and fluid and stunning to you. To others, it’s simply attractive, note-worthy. Others don’t pay attention like you do. They couldn’t ever notice the hints towards his insecurities past all the painted confidence that surrounds him. They don’t notice the slope in his shoulders, the constant almost-slouch, and the way his hands almost always revolve back to his pockets. They also wouldn’t notice how much Dave hates his scars, they wouldn’t notice the small twitch in his hands as they’re tempted to move and cover what can be seen. The way Dave looks away because he knows you’re looking at the one that cuts from his left armpit down to the right side of his hip. It’s faded, but it’s the most noticeable of all the scars Dave possesses. Noticeable against the creaminess of his skin that you’ve been wanting to taste for ages, wanted to claim for years, wanted and wanted and wanted and

Your breath is already coming heavy.

It stops when suddenly there’s a hand tracing down along his scar, and you blink a bit so that you can snap out of it and notice how Dave is looking down at himself, carefully running his fingers down the span of it.

He knew you were looking, he knew and he just glanced over at you and

And his breath hitched, and you heard it and

Oh god.

“So… what now?” And you need to take a minute to bask in the fact that you made his voice deeper and airier just by _looking_ at him, oh _god_.

“Suck on your finger.”

“Suck on my--?”

“I want to see what you’d look like.”

There’s definitely a blush on him now, and he watches you for a moment longer before carefully bringing a hand up to his mouth, fingers lightly trailing for a moment on his lips, before he slips in his forefinger, eyes shutting. He only has it in to the first joint of his finger, but he sucks around it carefully and you watch the hollow in his cheeks. His other hand goes down to the edge of his seat, and he clutches at it as he slips his finger in further.

And he looks so pretty like that, so pretty that you’re about to ask for another finger but he does it himself, slipping it in and arching his back a bit, and that’s what gets to you. You quickly move your hand down to palm yourself through your jeans, biting your lip—but that doesn’t prepare you for the sudden groan you hear from Dave, and you need to release your lip to pant, and shit shit shit, you wish you knew what he was thinking about.

“Dave—”

But you cut yourself off because he makes another sound, just from you saying his name, and you know what fuck pants.

You fumble a little with the zipper, but eventually you manage to get your stupid jeans off and you allow yourself a moment to admire how absolutely lost Dave’s gotten, how completely he’s basically just drowned into his own little world and god, he is fucking beautiful.

“Dave, look at me.” And you aren’t entirely sure how you manage to keep your voice so even, let alone low, but he follows your command quickly enough.

His eyes are absolutely gorgeous when he’s like this; they’re glazed over and dilated to the point where you can just barely make out a ring of red through the shitty webcam.

You wish you could control yourself for at least one minute so you could actually admire them, but you’ve been holding out for so long and your stupid horny-as-all-hell body demands you do _something_ , so you slip a hand under your boxers and holy shitting Christ thank god.

His eyes widen a bit when he sees what you’re doing, and you’re worried for a moment that maybe the webcam wasn’t such a good idea after all, but the next thing you know, his eyes are slipping shut and the hand not in his mouth has moved to try and alleviate—alleviate the bulge of his pants that you can see now and oh god, your mouth is salivating, and he’s moaning again and you know what, fuck boxers too.

You whip off the offending article of clothing and pump yourself to full mast, letting your head dip back against the chair as you arch into your hand, fighting to keep your eyes from drooping shut completely because you _need_ to see him.

You can hear him whining a bit through your speakers (why bother getting your special headphones when your dad isn’t even home), and you bite your lip for a moment to hold back your own sound because you want to hear him make that sound when you trail your fingers lightly down his body, when you lick along his thigh, when you tie him up with a gag and blindfold and leave him there hard and needy and shit, shit

“Dave,” you gasp, fighting your eyes wide open again so you can watch him. “Do you want to touch yourself?”

He nods quickly, saliva dripping down his hand (shit, you wanna lick it off).

“Are you waiting for me to tell you to?”

He nods again, and you smile crookedly (and breathlessly) at the glazed look in his eyes. Yeah, he’s long gone. A distant instinct in you kicks in, and you pump yourself faster, letting yourself arch a little more.

“Take out your hand,” You breathe, and he instantly follows your instruction, not bothering with the saliva dripping from the corner of his mouth or covering his fingers. He keeps his eyes trained on you, still palming himself a bit. With the loss of his fingers, he bites his lip, eyes needing and begging you, pleading for you to say it.

“Ask for it.”

He watches you for a moment before his mouth parts to whine, but you restate, your voice going low as your eyes slip shut finally.

“Ask to touch yourself, Dave.”

“Please,” He whimpers, and you blink your eyes open to watch him again.

“Please what?”

“Please, God please let me t-touch myself. Please.”

You smile again, “At least you're polite.”

His eyes draw wider, and he bites his lip again. You eagerly watch the strain in his neck and definition in his collarbone before you finally murmur out, “Dave, touch yourself.”

You can hear the relief as he quickly unzips his jeans and foregoes his boxers, and you find your mouth open and you’re _panting_ as soon as he draws himself out and he’s so fucking beautiful it hurts.

It hurts that you’re not there, that you don’t get to taste him and bite him and feel him and claim him because he’s yours, yours, yours, _yours_.

You don’t get to, but you can wait. You can wait, you can be good and wait for him because he’s perfect and this, right now, is enough.

God, he’s so pretty when he arches like that.

His breathing is pretty heavy, and his moans grow louder and more constant as he goes and you love how noisy he is, so much so that it manages to tear a moan from you and you can feel yourself getting close, closer than you’ve managed to get in a while. And Dave is muttering something, babbling to himself (figures he would), and you can just barely make out what he’s saying through your own--

 

“Oh god, _John_.”

 

That tips you over the edge.

Everything goes white and hot and you’re too lost as you spill over to notice that he’s exited out of the chat.

\---

Your name is Dave Strider, and you really need to clean up before Bro gets back.

But for some reason, you are having a hard time getting yourself to move.

" _Holy shit_ ,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's why this took so long. smut.  
> mama's first smut scene.  
> hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh yeahi'dunderstandifyoustoppedfollowingthisnowhahahaha


	19. Abso-fureaking-lutely Ridiculous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> party hard and all that

You hesitate briefly before ringing the doorbell, which causes John to make a small sound of exasperation and he leans forward to do it instead.

“Hey, I was gonna do that.” You say, sounding as hurt as you can. “Way to steal my thunder, dude.”

He snorts some as he knocks his shoulder against yours.

“You were deeply contemplating doing it, but you weren’t doing it.”

“I might have done it if you hadn’t so rudely broken my mantra.”

“Oh, your _mantra_ ,”

“Yes, and if I had done it, it would have been nice and slow.”

“Yeah, well I prefer it fast.”

“We are still talking about ringing the doorbell, right?”

He laughs, shaking his head as he turns his attention back to the door, and you smile slightly in triumph, turning back to the door yourself just as it opens.

There’s suddenly loud music, and you and John stumble back a bit.

“Holy shit,” Your hands are hovering over your ears in instinct, but you lower them again. “What the hell, Jade?”

Jade grins widely and yanks you and John inside by your arms, quickly shutting the door behind you.

“You two took long enough!”

“Yeah, fuck, just enough time for you to charge the sound canon and fucking fire, what the hell.” You almost have to yell, but Jade just grins on.

“How did we not hear that before?” You ask her, feeling slightly ridiculous for having to raise your voice over the sound.

“Super insulated walls! My grandpa was a big fan of privacy, so the entire house is completely made out of them.”

“Your grandpa was weird. Remember when he saw that butterfly and flipped out?” John calls to Jade from next to you.

Jade laughs, nodding her head, “Yeah, he blew a hole in the outside of the elementary school.”

You smile a little as you watch them, not really able to join in the banter seeing as you joined the friend group kind of late.

They talk for a bit, and you stand there with your hands in your pocket beside them, waiting patiently and not really listening to them all that much because the music wins out over grandpa talk. The three of you have to move every now and then as someone walks by, people you know but don’t really talk to; Ampora, Peixes, and that one creepy ass clown guy that you’ve talked to every now and then, and found yourself regretting the decision to indulge him every time.

Honestly though, you’re not all that surprised to see them here. Whenever Jade throws a party, most of the “decent” people from the school tend to be invited.

You don’t understand how Juggalo Joe passes as “decent”, but you choose not to even bother asking about it.

You’re just here to indulge Jade in her crazy party needs, or whatever the fuck this even is.

Also you might be here for John, but that’s a very indefinite might. Like, as indefinite as it gets.

So indefinite that it becomes definite again because yes, you’re basically here for John.

“You guys go ahead and do whatever, I’m gonna go back and ask Feferi about the swim team thing she was thinking about starting next year.”

“Good, you two could make out in the pool or something.” You say, and she bats at your arm, making you grin. “Just let me know when you have practice, those pictures would probably sell like hotcakes.”

“Fuck you and your hotcakes! I’m leaving.” She huffs and heads through the archway nearby into the living room. You turn to John, but he’s already heading up the stairs in front of you.

“I gotta piss,” He says simply.

“What, you’re just gonna leave poor defenseless little old me all by myself?” You say, moving over to the bottom of the staircase to call up to him,

“You can handle yourself, you’re a big boy!” John yells back before disappearing from sight.

“Wow, rude.” You mutter, leaning back into a slouch and shoving your hands back into your pockets from where they’d moved to the rails.

“Gotta entertain myself now, goddammit…” You glance over at the archway to the living room before sighing and instead heading to the kitchen, figuring you might as well see if she has any apple juice stocked.

You step through the door to the kitchen, and suddenly the music is much, much quieter. You glance to the upper corner of the wall just opposite you and spot a speaker, and you roll your eyes.

And the rolling of said eyes causes you to catch sight of the two people around the island in the middle of the kitchen, one sitting on a stool and the other standing opposite, pouring drinks into shot glasses.

The one sitting down lifts their head a bit and you see them sniff before they turn their head over in your general direction.

“Is that you, Dave?”

“Nope, extremely hot pizza delivery guy with convenient Velcro pants and shirt that you can just rip right off.” You say offhandedly as you move to sit over by Terezi, smiling some.

“Oh, yummy.” Terezi giggles beside you, and you roll your eyes again before turning to the other and inclining your head slightly.

“Serket,” You greet.

“Strider,” She responds coolly, smiling slyly over at you.

“Since when did Jade start having alcohol at her parties?” You ask, carefully arching an eyebrow as you eye the shot glasses. Vriska’s smile widens to a grin.

“When she started inviting me, loser.”

“Wow, real impressive spiderbitch. Glad to see you’re making smart life choices.”

“Oh puh-lease, don’t tell me you’re a goody two shoes?” She leans forward a bit, eyeing you in amusement. You shrug.

“I value my ability to think, thanks.” You settle back a bit on the stool, arms crossing behind your head.

“Dave thinks for himself and everything.” Terezi laughs, and you smile a little out of fondness and nudge her side.

“Naw, I think it’s more just that he knows I’d beat him at a drinking contest.” Vriska says offhandedly, and you sit up straighter, hands dropping back to your sides.

“Yeah, no. I would totally kick your ass.”

“Oh yeah, McFly?” She replies amusedly, and you scowl some.

“Oh shut the hell up, I’m simply stating facts. I could probably down like ten of those bitchass shots of yours and still be able to tell you what obstreperous means.”

She watches you for a second before sliding a glass towards you and picking up one of her own.

“And what _does_ it mean?”

“Unruly,” You answer shortly before quickly draining your glass.

It burns going down, and you almost cough from it, but you manage to hold it back as you put your glass back down.

As soon as you do, another shot is sliding your way.

You don’t think before you down that one, too.

By your third one, you believe dimly that you have no idea what the ever loving fuck you’re doing.

You decide you don’t care by your fourth.

\---

Your name is John Egbert, and you’re really starting to wonder where Dave even is.

He wasn’t in the living room (a brief trip there and a lot of loud music blasting in your ear while Karkat yelled over it managed to prove that), out the back by the pool (you worry that you interrupted something when you saw Jade and Feferi kicking their feet in the water as they sat on the edge, sitting close enough together so that their arms were touching), or even just chilling upstairs in the study where Rose and Kanaya were laughing over a book by Sandra Hill, passing back and forth big descriptive words that you don’t understand one bit and giggling hysterically after each one. You smiled as you crept out.

You would try and smell him out (okay, it sounds creepy but it’s really useful so just shut up), but there are too many other people and smells in general to do that. Not to mention trying to hear him is absolutely out of the question with all these soundproof walls, so you’re currently standing in the hallway down by the front door again, arms crossed.

“If I were Dave,” You think aloud, mouth quirking to the side. “Where would I go…?”

You blink twice before you turn your head over to the kitchen door and grin.

Your grin changes to a look of shock when you enter the kitchen.

“Nononononono, like… whens you… when you like, do the lick-y thing, how do you taste and see and shit?”

Oh god.

“Well it’s kind of just natural; gotta be honed into that stuff, Dave.” Terezi laughs out, watching Dave amusedly as he slumps against her shoulder and drunkenly brings his finger up to her lips, tapping them repeatedly.

Your blood boils and you stiffen where you stand.

He absolutely reeks of alcohol.

“Shhooo, it’sh—it’s all in your head?” Dave slurs back, before he laughs and slips a little further down in his stool.

“TZ, you’re fuck—fucking crazy, tchhh—it’s all in your head.”

“Lightweight,” You blink your eyes away from Dave to see Vriska watching Dave as she leans against the counter, head propped up by her hand. She doesn’t seem to be enjoying this as much as Terezi is, but she doesn’t seem all that disappointed in this development, either.

“Oh my god, you got him _drunk?_ ” You ask exasperatedly, making your way over to Dave and moving to the gap between him and Terezi, lifting him up slightly so you can support him, glancing down at him in concern. His eyes widen as he blinks back up at you, taking a few seconds.

“Jaw—John!”

“Pfft, he got _himself_ drunk. Thought he could out-drink me,” Vriska replies simply.

“JohnJohnJohnJohn—John, I needsh—I need to tell you a thing.”

“Dave, shut up, you’re drunk.” You mutter back to him quickly, before you turn to Vriska and give her your sternest look, opening your mouth to say something before Dave interrupts you again.

“If I wasss drunk, then how could I poshib—possibly be able t’tell you that _cacophony_ means… means a thing.”

You groan inwardly.

“Oh, who ff-fucking cares anyways? I know big words, who even… who even _needs_ the meanings?”

“I’m going to murder you,” You whisper harshly to Vriska. She snickers, and Terezi attempts to muffle her laughter behind her hand.

“I’m really fucking smart, didja know that? I have an IQ of fuckinnng… genius. Like, _fuck me_ , I’m smart.” Dave’s fingers trail up the buttons of your shirt, and he snickers.

“No seriously, fuck me.”

You blush and force his hand away while the two girls laugh.

“Dave, jesus.”

“Whaaaaat, I thought you wanted to fuck.”

You blush more, hissing to him as the cackling around you gets louder.

“Not when you’re fucking drunk, idiot.”

“Whyyyyyyyy?” He whines, grabbing at your shirt to help support him as he pulls himself upright. “Liquid conchfidence—hahaha, _conch_ fidence. I’m fucking amazing.”

“I don’t want you to have to get drunk to have to do anything with me, Dave, jesus.”

“Wait, you two are actually a thing?” Vriska perks up, obviously very interesting all of the sudden.

You choose to ignore her.

“Not drunk! I’d hafta be drunk t’be drunk.” Dave licks his lips, head tilting back so he can look up at you.

“Which m’not.”

“Dave,” You start carefully.

“Actually, in th’phonebook my name isss Insufferable… Prick.” He laughs like he just told the greatest joke in the world, and you let out the groan this time because damn it, Dave, you thought he knew better.

Terezi and Vriska are doing horribly at muffling their laughter.

Ugh.

You grab his arm and loop it around your shoulder, using a hand to hold it there as your other arm wraps around his waist, and you carefully get him up on his feet. He almost instantly stumbles into you, and he snickers as he leans against you to support himself, the stool he was just sitting on teetering dangerously.

“Oh Mr. Egbert, you gonna _sex_ me? How—how _lewd_!”

“Dave, for fucks sake, I’m just trying to move you away from the alcohol.”

“Alcohol!” Dave blurts out suddenly. “I would like some of the stuff and the things, donnnn… don’ worry, I can… take it.”

“Oh yeah, you’ve proven that quite clearly already, Coolkid.”

“Thank-- _thank you_ , TV.”

“TZ, not TV, Dave.” You mutter to him exasperatedly.

“Well of fuckin course it’s TZ, not TV, what is she? Some fuckin chick you can just switch on and off on your own time? Hellllll no, she has—she has _class_.”

“Thank you, Dave. Really, I’m flattered.”

Dave grins over at her and moves a hand to supposedly send a double pistol and a wink her way, but he sort of fails spectacularly at doing just that so spectacularly that he basically just lifts his arm and lets it almost instantly flop back to his side again as he stumbles into you further.

“Right okay, thanks for getting my boyfriend drunk but I think we’ll be headed off somewhere else now.”

“So you two definitely _are_ a thing?”

“Not now, Vriska.” You reply back quickly, entirely just fucking done with everything as you lead your giggling drunk as all hell boyfriend out of the kitchen, him tripping over his feet every two steps.

“Ssso, Joooohn.”

“Oh god,” You hold your breath because Dave basically just breathed right out onto your face, and he absolutely stinks of alcohol.

“Whatcha gonna do with me now?” Dave apparently attempts to waggle his eyebrows at you, but they just kinda twitch a bit and you hold back yet another groan.

Goddamn it, you leave for like _two minutes_ …

“I’m going to take you upstairs to the bathroom and we’re gonn—”

“Oh, we gonna have shower sex?”

You sigh, beginning to tug him up the stairs.

“No, Dave, we’re going to—”

“No no, nononono, it’s all cool. I’ve been thinking lately, actu-actually.”

You glance over at him briefly, ears perking up under your hat.

“Yeah, what about?”

“About Saturn… Saturday.”

Your heart starts to beat faster, but you keep moving up the stairs until you reach the top, and you drag him over to the bathroom door, turning the handle and using your foot to kick it open gently before shuffling inside and setting him down on the toilet, lid down.

“What about Saturday?” You ask carefully, grabbing a plastic cup from the counter and filling it with water, watching him out the corner of your eye.

“About how m… much I liked it when you were all… telling me what t’do and shh… shit.” You hand him the cup of water, keeping your gaze careful.

“More specifically,” He adds after a moment. “When I came and had’ta discon… disconnect cause I din’t want you to see me all like… wooo.” He makes a vague gesture with his hands, and your eyebrows furrow a bit despite the blush on your face.

“… You should probably drink that water, Dave.”

“N… no, that’s not… you have to _tell_ me to d’it.”

He blinks his gaze into some sort of semi-focus, watching you expectantly. You sigh before rolling your eyes and gently moving to help him lift the cup up to his mouth.

“Drink the water, Dave.”

“Th’r w’go,” He tips the cup back, mouth opening and _most_ of it goes into his mouth, though some does dribble down to his chin, dripping down on his shirt.

“Smooth,” You mutter, laughing slightly as you use your sleeve to wipe his face when he pulls the cup back, and he grins crookedly at you.

“Smoothest of op-purr-raters. Get it? Cause you’re a… cat.”

To your disappointment, you actually laugh at that, but you bat his shoulder lightly.

“Wow, shut up.”

“I sim-purr-ly cannot mew that.”

“This is lame, you keep doing purr puns.”

“Insuff-fur-able, isn’t it?”

“ _Stop_ ,” You snicker.

And then his lips are against yours, and you squeak, quickly shoving him back by his shoulders.

“D-Dave, woah okay.”

“What, don’t you wanna fuck me senseless? This—this s’me saying go ahead and jus-just fuck me here, dude. I purr-omise I’ll be good.”

He sloppily places kisses along your jaw and down your neck, and this is getting very dangerous very fast.

You weakly try to push him back again.

“Dave, come on, you’re drunk.”

“Does that ch-change the fact that all I’ve been think’n bout these last few days… has been you and every… just fucking everything about you.”

“How about you wait to just, you know, tell me about all this when you’re sober? I-It’s fine, Dave, really.” You try and pry his fingers off where they’ve curled in the front of your shirt, but to no avail.

So you might not really be fighting back as much as you probably could.

Christ.

“But I won’t tell you when I’m so-sober, Joooohn,” Dave whines, resting his cheek against yours. “I’d chicken out so hard I’d proly shit out an egg.”

You laugh some, partly out of nerves and party because it’s Dave and he just makes you do that.

“Then _maybe_ ,” You push him back to look him in the eye—shades. Whatever. “You shouldn’t say anything.”

He pouts, head lolling to the side very slightly.

“What you don’t… you don’ want me to tell you that your eyes—like… like your _real_ eyes, you know, not the contact-y normal ones… they’re really all… they got this sort of um… ethereal… beauty type thing go… goin’ for them.”

Your gaze softens, and you relax a bit as you watch Dave.

So maybe you weren’t expecting that.

“Or like your… I really like your hair? It’s nice hair. Like all… fluffy and shit. Looks like the _perfect_ fuckin… sex hair. Like Christ, dude. Looks like you just got fucked good.”

You blush and turn your gaze away.

God, he’s really fucking drunk.

“I wanna kiss your face and stuff because your face is pretty.”

Super fucking drunk.

“Okay, I think you need to sleep for a little bit.” You mutter before standing and hefting him up along with you, grabbing the cup and setting it back down on the counter.

“Wha—no!” He whines, pouting at you. “We just got here, what happened to party time?”

“You got your sorry ass drunk, that’s what happened. Now come on, there’s a guest bedroom just down the hall. You can sleep there.”

You start shuffling him out, or try to, but Dave whines more and refuses to move.

“Dave, oh my god. Come _on_ , don’t be stupid.”

“But we _just got here_.”

“Yes, you’ve already made this point. You also just got piss drunk, so your point is both null and void. Now move your sorry ass before I make you.”

Dave laughs drunkenly, slumping into you.

“Babe, you know I love it when you tell me what t’do.”

You make a face as you start to lead him out into the hall, going to the end door.

“Don’t call me babe,” You mumble.

He laughs more.

“Sugar tits?”

“I don’t even have tits.”

“You do, though. Little man titties.”

You nudge the door open with your foot and reach down to move the sheets back, flopping Dave onto the bed.

“You’re lucky you’re so hot,” You mumble under your breath as you tuck him in.

“I’m not even tired,” Dave protests against the sheets. You ignore him as you slip off his shades and set them on the bedside table, also ignoring the way he whines loudly at the loss of them and slaps his hands over his eyes.

“Dude, you’re gonna close them anyway. Besides, I’ve seen them, remember?”

“That doesn’t mean they’ve suddenly changed color overnight.” He mumbles to himself like a child, and you roll your eyes.

“I don’t even care. Just go to sleep.”

“Only if you cuddle w’me.” He pouts.

You stare at him for a long while before eventually sighing and walking around the other side and curling around him, mumbling under your breath about how absolutely ridiculous all of this is.

“As soon as you go to sleep, I’m going to actually go hang out around the party and then maybe come back and scold you for being such a giant fucking idiot. Sound good?”

He snores in response.

You laugh into his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more party next chapter donut worry i don't know what i'm doing ?????????


	20. Liquid Confurdince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am alive

You wake up with your mouth dry and tasting disgustingly like alcohol and what you can only assume burning tastes like if it actually had a flavor. Your head throbs a bit when you move it and your body feels sluggish and disconnected at the same time as you move to readjust yourself and curl yourself closer to John.

"Glad to see you're finally awake,"

You let out an indignant squawking sound and jolt back, who you thought was John turning out to be Rose god _fucking_ damn it, it's times like this that you remember she's related to Bro, too.

She's laying down on her back with her head propped up on the pillows, a book in her hand which she casually has not moved her gaze from the entire time, and she nonchalantly turns the page and smiles a bit to herself as you let out a long breath and relax back on the bed, pulled away from her.

"God damn it, Rose..."

"You slept well."

"Mm," You wipe your hand tiredly down along your cheek and a little under your eyes as you try and wake up. "How long was I out?"

"Two or so hours. It only just turned eleven."

"Oh thank god, I thought I slept through the whole fucking party."

She doesn't really reply, just hums vaguely as she reads on. You adjust yourself a little where you're lying down so you can try and read over her shoulder, which just so happens to place your head practically on said shoulder.

You see her smiling wider out the corner of your eye and you resist the urge to tell her to just fucking shut up already.

"Where's John?" You ask after a moment, keeping your eyes steady on the book just like she is.

"Hmm?"

"John. Why did I wake up hugging the side of a less attractive Hermione Granger instead of my hot Harry Potter look-alike of a boyfriend?"

"Should I be worried about all this Harry Potter?"

"For one thing, I'm still drunk. Don't let the lack of slurring fool you--"

"Oh no, you're still slurring."

"-- And another, I'm doing my best to make comparisons you'd enjoy. I couldn't imagine a way to make it any more gay, so I just stuck with adding wizards."

"I appreciate the thought you put into it."

"I actually didn't put any thought into it at all I just made up all that bullshit because I didn't want to look like a Harry Potter nerd."

"Oh, but you are a nerd, dear brother."

"Don't call me that."

"Call you what?"

"'Dear brother',"

"Or else?"

You shift closer, adjusting your head to fit more in the crook of her neck as your eyes trail across the words on the page.

"Or else I'll start calling you dear sister." You mutter, and she lets out a soft laugh, resting back against you.

You both have an unsaid agreement of allowing brotherly/sisterly bonding, just that all of it shall remain as indirect as humanly possible.

Meaning basically that you love each other, you just don't say shit about it.

"My, we can't be having that, now can we?"

You smirk to yourself, head a little bit too fuzzy for you to attempt to try and carry on the conversation, so you two both stay in silence for a little longer.

Then you actually start reading the book.

_"The villagers ate our camels," I said._

"Rose, what the fuck are you reading?"

"'Lamb'; it reminds me quite a lot of you and John, to be perfectly honest."

You blink and turn your eyes over to her.

"Okay, how's that?"

"It's the Gospel according to Biff, Christ's childhood pal."

"Christ as in Jesus?"

"Christ as in Jesus." She confirms. You stare at her for a moment longer.

"Am I--?"

"No, you're not Jesus."

"Damn it," You mutter under your breath, turning back to the book.

_"The villagers ate our camels," I said._  
 _"Go away. Your nostrils flare in an unpleasant manner and your soul is somewhat lumpy."_  
 _"Joshua, let me in. I don't have anywhere to go."_  
 _"I can't just let you in," Josh whispered. "You have to wait three days like everyone else." Then loudly, and obviously for someone inside's benefit, he said, "You appear to be infested by Bedouins! Now go away!" And he slammed the hatch._  
 _I stood there. And waited. In a few minutes he opened the hatch._  
 _"Infested by Bedouins?" I said._  
 _"Give me a break. I'm new. Did you bring food and water to last you?"_  
 _"Yes, the toothless woman sold me some dried camel meat. There was a special."_  
 _"I'll try and sneak some tea and a blanket out to you, but it won't be right away."_  
 _"Sorry I left you."_  
 _"You didn't." He grinned._  


"Interesting," You say slowly, and Rose chuckles lightly beside you.

"Yes, interesting indeed. I'm hoping you plan to return to the party eventually?"

"Yeah, I guess I should." You sigh, trailing over a few more words before pulling back from Rose and sitting up. "How pissed is John?"

"Not at all, actually. Just mildly annoyed."

"Can I trust your word on that?"

"I'll let you do your own deducing for once."

"He's not happy with me at all, is he."

"There you go, now I think I might start being able to believe that you're my brother." She quips, turning the page with an amused arch to her eyebrows, being the annoyingly flighty broad she is and keeping her eyes on the book, as always.

You run your fingers through your hair, a dull ache in the back of your head. You wonder briefly if what she said was true and you actually are still slurring, like, all of your words. Or maybe she's just fucking with you. She has been known to do that.

"... I should probably go find him and stuff, shouldn't I?"

"Yes I believe you should... and stuff."

"Yeah shut up. Still drunk."

"You're going to need to find a better excuse than that."

You heft yourself off of the bed, your legs a lot less supportive than you thought they'd be. You stumble a bit before you move a hand out to the dresser to help keep yourself upright, and you hear delicate laughter behind you.

"Shut up,"

"Didn't say anything."

"Yeah, just-- shut up."

You're about to start to get your drunken self over to the door when Rose stops you with an offhand, "Don't forget your shades."

You freeze where you stand and swallow slightly before you glance back over at her cautiously, blinking slowly.

She's holding your shades up in her hands, eyes still down on her book as she waves them slightly back and forth for you to take.

Smirking.

God fucking damn it, no wonder she was so smug this entire time.

You quickly reach forward and take them from her, fumbling more than a little as you try and get them situated onto your face as quickly as you can. You think you may be blushing a bit, but you do your best to ignore the heat in your cheeks as you turn back towards the door and make your way over to it.

The loud music that greets you as soon as said door is open nearly knocks you on your ass.

You forgot about that.

Ugh, your head is not fucking happy at all.

You think you hear Rose wish you good luck behind you, but you choose to ignore her and her sneaky goddammit fucking Rose why the fuck ways, and just start making your way down the hall and to the staircase.

Which almost kills you, by the way.

You swear to god your legs are usually more cooperative and your vision doesn't get as fuzzy and you've always known stairs were going to get you one day.

You think you take like ten minutes to get down them.

Fucking stairs.

You should have asked Rose where John is because you always seem to forget how big Jade's house is, Jesus Christ. You choose to investigate the living room first, each pound of the bass like a fucking pound to your head, but you're well versed in stoicism, so you manage to ignore the throbbing pain in your head, and you even somehow get your legs to sort of work like a normal human beings.

You think you hear someone behind you as you make your way through the arch to the living room, and you look behind you briefly as you walk only to find it was a false alarm.

You turn your head forward again.

"Strider!"

You nearly shit bricks and your head jolts back violently from the sudden Karkat like two inches from your face.

"Jesus fucking christ, Vantas, personal space."

"You got drunk." He says simply, arms crossed.

"Thank you for that pleasant observation, now if you'll excuse me, buttercup--"

"What the _ever-loving fuck_ were you thinking? Apparently your level of intelligence is parallel to that of a fucking cluckbeast--"

"They're called chickens, Mr. Original Character."

"-- Because you chose to get drunk with not just one psychotic bitch, but two."

"Well technically, I got drunk and they sort of just watched."

"Shut the fuck up, you're still drunk. My point is--"

"I think someone needs to go play DDR,"

"Wh-- Stri-- Dave, don't you _fucking dare_ \--"

"NEPETA!"

You grin in triumph as a small Nepeta appears out of practically nowhere, eyes bright and wide an grinning over at you expectantly. She's blushing a bit because Karkat's there. You've always liked Nepeta, she was pretty chill.

If, you know, you choose to ignore the extensive hunting trips she goes on sometimes.

She's like a little ball of vicious killing wrapped up in adorable shipping antics.

"Nepeta, I heard Karkat say that he wanted to play some DDR with you."

Her smile splits widely across her face and her eyes light up and she turns to Karkat enthusiastically, and Karkat sends you a quick look that you think roughly translates to, "I'll murder you later." Before he lets out a small sigh and nods a little at Nepeta.

She grabs his arm and tugs him over to the TV so suddenly you almost think she's going to rip his arm straight off.

It's kind of amusing how big of a soft spot Karkat has for Nepeta. Admittedly, he's mainly softened up to her after finding out about the massive crush she has on him. You're not quite sure if it's because he likes her back-- you have this firm belief that Karkat is the most confused about who he has a thing for out of anyone. You don't really bombard him about it or anything like that, you can respect a dude's personal biz, and you're not some psychotic teenage girl desperate for info on who likes who because their own love life is basically dead.

You look around the rest of the living room to try and scout out John, and you manage to spot Jade talking to Fef and Eridan sulking off in the corner. Sollux is watching the DDR players amusedly, and you join him briefly as you watch Karkat flusterdly shout curses at the screen as he flails around and tries to keep up with Nepeta, who's laughing like she couldn't be happier.

"You can do it, KK."

"I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING SASS, CAPTOR."

You laugh a bit, shaking your head as you make your way over to Jade before you spot Kanaya sitting down with a drink in her hand as she talks to a certain blue-eyed wonder.

You change your set path and head over to them.

"-- Though I'd say with him, a more direct approach might be ideal. I mean if you don't, there's a good chance he won't ever get it."

"Well yeah, but... well, how did you do it with Rose?"

"Oh, it sort of went unsaid. I mean, there's a point you'll get to where you'll both just--"

You cut her off when you flop down beside John, who nearly leaps off the couch in surprise.

You catch his hair sticking on end and grin to yourself.

"Greetings, Strider."

"Sup Kan. Hope you two weren't having too much fun without me." You glance briefly over at John and catch him huffing a bit to get some hair out of his eyes, obviously trying to calm down from having the shit scared out of him.

"Oh no, I promise you we weren't. We wouldn't ever dream of doing such a thing. John here was just telling me about how useful my conversation with you the other day was."

You turn your attention more directly to John, an eyebrow raised as he blushes.

You wonder why you aren't so flustered by this, but then you remember the remnants of alcohol in your system.

Ah, isn't liquid confidence just beautiful like that.

"Oh yeah?" You say carefully. "Didn't know you'd be so open to others about our love life, Jonathan."

"That's not even my name," He mutters. You ignore him and turn back to Kanaya.

"What'd he tell you?"

"You apparently have quite a thing for people telling you what to do."

"Yeah, that's pretty hot." You admit. John hides his face behind his hands and groans.

"You really are a little inebriated, aren't you?"

You shrug before slinging an arm over John's shoulder and resting your temple against the top of his head.

"So?" You ask, and Kanaya attempts to hide a smile behind her hand.

A habit she picked up from Rose, you note.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. How's the music on your head?"

"Destructive. But it's chill, as long as I got John here I don't even care." You nuzzle against the top of John's head, and you hear Kanaya laugh slightly and John makes a strained little sound of embarrassment.

"Hey, you gonna tell me when we switched, Kan? Why did I wake up with your psycho instead of mine?"

"I'm not a psycho!"

"Yes you are. Now shh, the grown ups are talking."

Kanaya keeps watching you in amusement, stifling another short laugh.

"You weren't the only one who discovered that there was alcohol on the premises."

"Wh-- no way. No, she wasn't-- that wasn't her drunk, was it?"

"Oh no, I severely doubt she's as drunk as she first was. She's been up there reading for about an hour. Reading tends to sober her up."

"You've gotta be shitting me," You settle back more in the couch, your cheek rested against the top of John's head and your shades forced to angle just a bit because of it.

You can faintly hear John purring, but it's really hard to make out through all the music.

You smile to yourself.

You spend most of your time at the party talking with Kanaya and John, and then Rose, eventually, when she comes back down and joins you. John ends up dragging you over to play DDR to get out of what you were guessing was about to turn into a very awkward conversation with Rose and Kanaya about sex, and you laugh to yourself as John makes the mistake of letting you pick the song.

Even drunk, you kick major ass at DDR.

What you weren't expecting was for John to do better than you on Go for the Top, but you don't let that hurt your pride because you're drunk and he's a fucking cat person.

And hey, you can't win 'em all.

The rest of the night goes out as a bit of a blur. You think you swam at some point? Or John pushed you into the pool and then you grabbed his leg and tugged him in with you.

You just figure you had to have gotten soaking wet to get where you are now.

Heatedly making out with John in the bathroom while both of you are completely fucking drenched.

You wish you could remember how things built up to this point, but you honestly aren't wishing too hard because you're making out with John and hey, that's all you need to be completely happy in this situation.

He's got you pinned against the wall in the shower and his tongue is curling around yours as you do your best to kiss back, grabbing him by the front of his shirt to tug him closer before your hands move to toss aside his stupid fucking hat so you can curl your fingers into his dripping wet hair and keep him close up against you as your bodies press together, which is great because you are super fucking cold right now and John just so happens to be like a living heater.

He bites at your bottom lip lightly and tugs at it, and you let out a soft groan as your back arches just a little bit at the action. His hands move down to stroke at your sides and your fingers card through his hair and over by his ears, and his constant purrs fluctuate upwards briefly before returning to normal, and he goes back to pressing his lips harshly to yours.

You don't even know how long you end up kissing, but you know that it was long enough for the fire of it to somehow die down and you two to be sitting on the floor of the shower, kissing each other much less desperately and more contentedly. He's in your lap as you keep kissing at his lips and eventually trail down to kiss at his jaw and neck, and he lets out a soft little sigh through all this goddamn purring he's been doing.

Which is when you realize why you're completely soaked, and you can't believe it took you so long to notice.

You guess you were just... really occupied.

The shower's on.

And the water is freezing fucking cold.

"John," You say softly, and his eyes flutter open to you. "We should probably turn off the water."

He blinks at you for a minute before nodding and standing up to turn the dial, letting the water trickle to a stop. When he turns around, he grins sheepishly, his lips red and swollen from kissing and kind of... really nice looking, actually.

You just wanna kiss them more because of it.

"You had it on so you wouldn't get all..." You trail off, not entirely sure how to phrase it so you just finish with, "didn't you?"

He nods a bit, an ear flicking as a drip of water from the shower head falls onto it.

"Thanks," You say after a moment, and he smiles a little more genuinely.

"You didn't have to."

"Yeah, I did."

"Well, I dunno... I might of--"

"You need to be absolutely certain, Dave." He says flatly, and you smile apologetically at him. He laughs a bit and shakes his head, running his fingers through his hair and slicking it back a bit.

"Anyways, the kissing was nice."

"I'd say more than nice."

"Agreed. Above average?"

"Let's go with kickass." You say as you stand up, legs wobbling just a little bit. He moves over to you as he laughs a bit, his hands moving out to help steady you.

"Okay," He says before planting another little kiss on your lips and pulling back to smile at you a little better.

"We should probably head out, though."

"Yeah, probably." You agree.

Neither of you move.

 

You start kissing him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah idk just take the thing


	21. Pussy Game Mew Strong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rocket to the moon

You aren't entirely sure what you're trying to do as you're kissing him again. Part of you thinks that it's because you wanna show John that you're more ready than he thinks, another says he just looked too damn kissable, and the last part is still drunk.

You consider your decision to be based on all three, and you tug him closer to you, away from the faucet and back against the wall of the shower. John makes a small sound against you and his arm moves behind him blindly in search of the faucet to turn the water on again, but you grab his arm and move his hand to your hip and hold it there for a moment before your hands go to his waist and you tug him closer still, determined to keep kissing as your head tilts for an easier way to deepen the kiss while John moves his arm again to try and get the water back on frantically because you can feel him getting hard already.

You hope it's not the drunk part of you that moves your hips against his.

"D-Dave, do you know what you're doing?"

"Currently trying to kiss you and help you out with your little problem there," You mutter, moving back to keep kissing him. He makes a not-really-all-that-discernable sound against you as you manage to coax out his tongue and suck on it, your hips beginning to move more regularly against his. He manages to pull back a bit, panting lightly with his cheeks flushed as he watches you through lidded eyes, ears lifted slightly.

"Are you... Dave, are you sure about this?"

"Just gonna get you off, John, nothing fancy. Do you think you can deal with that?"

He laughs a bit, his hips starting to move back against yours, if a little hesitantly.

"I feel like I should be asking you that," He mutters, though his hands move to your shoulders as he starts focusing more on the movement of his hips.

"I feel like you clearly don't understand how much I enjoyed that little video chat we had Saturday." You murmur back, and you see him shudder slightly at your words. You smirk to yourself as you move forward and start kissing at his jaw, his purrs beginning to build up again.

His claws are beginning to dig into your shoulders, too.

You think you're a bit of a masochist because you kinda like it.

"If we're doing this, it's not going to be in the stupid shower." He mumbles after a moment, and you muffle a small laugh because of the ridiculousness of all this; your boyfriend/best friend is any weaboos wet dream come true, he's crazy horny like all the time (though you've been told it's supposed to let up eventually-- at this rate, you sort of doubt it), he has to be soaked under freezing fucking cold water in order to be able to kiss you without completely losing control, and you've been the world's biggest wuss like fucking ever and only now are finding you do not care after having some pretty unexpectedly good cybersex with him.

Yeah, you're still kinda drunk, but the only thing the alcohol seems to be doing is sweeping your inhibitions into some remote corner lost in the ginormous, luxurious rooms that make up the totally pimped out crib of your mind.

And maybe you sound a little stupider than usual, but in your defense, you've yet to meet someone who could be drunk and not sound idiotic in one way or another.

Rose doesn't count. She cheated.

"If it's not gonna be in the stupid shower, then I guess we better get out of the stupid shower, huh?" You mutter back to him, and he response by digging his claws further into your shoulders and hissing back, "then can we hurry up?"

You laugh a little more because honestly, you don't understand how you didn't get how hilarious it is that John is so horny before.

"Alright, alright. Just lemme sort of..." And you move again to press your lips back to his, and he responds almost instantly.

It kind of does funny things to your heart.

Really, really gay things.

His claws ease up from digging into your shoulders as he starts focusing more on kissing you. A little after you tilt your head for a better angle at his lips, your mouth opens and your tongue meets halfway with his.

It's like you both just know.

God, your heart needs to stop being so gay before you start getting heartburn.

Get it? Because it's _flaming_.

You're making horrible puns in your head. Maybe kissing John is allowing some of his nerd to leak into you.

You don't even care.

Kissing John makes everything worthwhile.

... The levels of gay of which you are surpassing at this increasing rate is starting to worry you a little bit.

You move your hands to his ass (you can feel his tail twitch haha what), but mainly so you can help hike him up and he can wrap his legs around your hips, his arms around your neck, and you can migrate into the guest bedroom just across the hall.

You're briefly reminded that you're at Jade's.

Briefly because you forget as soon as John starts sucking on your tongue, and you take a moment to press him up against the wall just beside the door to the room and kiss him harder. He makes a small sound in the back of his throat before a hand moves up to curl into your hair. You press against him even more as a hand goes to the door handle and you open it as fast as you can and shut it behind you, your hand moving back as you move backwards to the bed. You fall back as the back of your leg hits it, and John instantly adjusts on top of you to make it more comfortable.

And also to pin you.

 

Everything starts to trip all over itself.

 

His mouth seems to be all over your neck and jaw and when you try to move your hands up to his neck, he uses his hands to force them aside and keeps them down against the bed. He licks at a spot on your neck before biting down, and you definitely think you're at least a little masochistic with the moan that shocks out of you as his slightly pointed teeth press against your skin. Your hands curl into fists as your back arches some, and you're once again wondering why you were so nervous before.

Certainly not because you were self conscious about your body. No, not at all. And the reason why you're fine with it now is definitely not because of how you saw John react to seeing you or how nice it felt having him drinking in everything about you because you've never had anyone look at you like that before and it kinda went straight to your dick and now you've been noticing that look more and more and oh my god he's yanking your head to the side by your hair so he can get at your neck more and

"John, holy _shit_ \--" You choke out as he clamps down onto your neck again, his teeth digging in and making everything go hot. He draws back in an almost panic at your voice, actual _blood_ on his bottom lip. Sure, not a lot, but just-- holy shit.

"S-sorry, too much? Shit, sorry, sh-- shit, I just couldn't help it, I'm so fucking sorry, Dave--" His ears are pressed down against his head in distress, and his eyes are flitting about your face nervously as if he's searching for any indication of you being entirely fucking done with him.

"You stupid fuck-- _don't stop_!" You exclaim back to him, almost entirely done with how tentative he is all the time because yes, you are definitely a masochist and you definitely want him to sink his teeth back into you again and scrape those claws down your sides and just downright fucking _abuse_ you.

He stares at you for a moment that feels as if it pans out for forever, and you want to slap him because he's taking too long.

But then he smirks, and it's just like that fucking day when he had you pinned on the couch.

"Oh, you _like_ it?" He licks the small amount of blood from his lips, and you hope he can feel all the searing pain being aimed at him through the power of your glare. He leans closer, his nose almost pressed to yours, and you do your best to stand your ground.

"You wanna beg for more?" He laughs a bit, and you huff slightly, eyes averting your glare to the far wall as your cheeks flush.

"Damn it, Egbert." You mutter under your breath, and he laughs more before he presses his lips lightly against your ear and a shiver shocks down your spine.

"You gonna do it or what, Strider? I'm waiting,"

"I hate you so much. I was enjoying myself until you had to fucking pull out this whole dominant complex you have."

He snorts and starts to gently nibble at your ear as he murmurs quietly.

"The dick pressing against me seems to say otherwise."

You blush even more, and you watch him out of the corner of your eyes.

"Shut the hell up."

"I'm still waiting for you to beg, Dave. You really shouldn't keep someone waiting like this."

"If you're gonna be an ass, I'm taking back everything I ever said about wanting to get you off. Or like, most of it."

He grinds down against you harshly, and your breath hitches, and your eyes betray you as they flutter shut.

"Come again?" He whispers into your ear, and you shudder slightly.

"You ff-fucking suck, oh my god--"

He grinds down again, and you hate how you can't move your hands and how pants are even a thing that were invented, like seriously what the fuck.

"Try again,"

"Fu-- fuck you,"

He presses against you harder and his hips roll again, claws digging slightly into your wrists, and that, apparently, is what breaks you.

" _Please_ \--" You breathe out, reserving your embarrassment and regret for later.

Besides, the look on John's face forces you not to care.

And then he bites down again, and you let out a soft little sound as you involuntarily tense.

At least he seems pleased with himself. The bastard.

When he pulls back and starts licking along the two bite marks, cleaning away the small beads of blood, he mutters out quickly, "Don't you dare get in my way," and proceeds to move a hand from your arm and snakes it down to the hem of your pants. You keep your hands clenched and down against the bed as you arch up into his touch, your hips making minuscule movements to try and keep yourself relieved.

You're almost angry with how smooth he is at unbuttoning your jeans; just flicks a fucking finger and then moves his hand down to unzip them. When he starts tugging them down, you lift yourself off of the bed slightly to help make it easier for him.

And then it's bye-bye pants, hope to never see you again.

He starts kissing you again, and you move your lips against his while you let out a small breath through your nose. He moves his hand back, fingers slipping just under the hem of your boxers. You pull back briefly from his lips, panting lightly before you semi-laugh out, "What happened to me getting _you_ off?"

He's already moving back in to keep kissing you as he replies simply, "You moaned."

You kiss him for a little longer as his hand slips further into your boxers at an almost stupidly slow pace, and your hips lift up some to try and get more contact with him.

"What does that have to do with anything?" You ask breathlessly as you part from his lips again. He growls some in the back of his throat, probably because you keep moving away from the kiss, and rushes out his answer before his lips press against yours again.

 

_"I wanna hear you do that some more."_

 

Your pupils dilate to the point where there's only just barely a ring of red around them, and you melt as he kisses you, and you find yourself trying to kiss back with equal if not more fervor.

His fingers brush against you, and your back arches as air rushes out of you.

He just kisses you harder.

His claws are digging into your wrist again as his other hand curls around you lightly and you find yourself whining some in the back of your neck because everything is too light and too little.

And John just lets out this small content sound that has you absolutely furious because the fucker likes teasing you too much.

You buck up into his hand, nails digging into your palms. You have to pull back from his lips because suddenly breathing is seven thousand times harder.

Maybe because a part of you honestly cannot fucking believe this is actually happening.

John can't seem to go without his mouth somewhere on your body, so he moves back to your neck, licking and kissing and sucking and lightly scraping his teeth against you as his hand moves along you so slowly it's almost painful.

"I'm going to murder you, I-- I'm actually going to ff-fucking murder you, goddammit Joh--"

You break off sharply into an obscenely loud moan because it turns out John didn't forget about that little spot on your jaw by your ear, and he's currently dancing along the line of abuse as he works it with his tongue. Your free hand turns so that it can grip onto the sheets of the bed because you honestly need to fucking hold onto something or else you're just gonna lose it completely.

He moves his hands off of you briefly so he can yank your soaking wet shirt off, and you do your best to make it easier for him. As soon as it's off and discarded to who even the fuck knows where, your hands fly up to curl behind his neck as you lean forward to kiss him harshly because this is happening.

This is happening.

When he kisses back, he breaks his hardcore Dom persona and laughs a bit.

Your heart swells stupidly and you're really, really happy this is happening with John.

You move back from kissing to tug at his shirt, and he leans back as he takes it off and throws it off into no-one-cares land and he's instantly back on you, kissing you as his hands tug down your boxers (not all that smoothly because they're kind of wet from your little shower excursion), and your breath hitches as the cool air hits you. John moves a hand down to grip around your dick, and you lean up to try and kiss him better and muffle a small sound as his thumb rubs at your slit, spreading around the precum.

His ears flick a bit as his purrs fluctuate momentarily so that you remember that they're there, but you're more focused on canting your hips up into his hand, and you barely are able to recognize how heavily he's breathing as he moves his hand to start pumping you, and you let out this horribly airy sound as you press closer to him. His lips move from yours down to your collarbone, and he sucks harshly at a spot on it before biting.

" _Shit_ \--" You're forgetting how breathing works, and John takes advantage of that by gripping you tighter and building up the pace of his hand as he bites down harder, causing the rest of the air in your lungs to rush out of you, that motherfucker.

When he finally unclamps himself from your collarbone, he swirls his tongue along the bite before trailing it along the bridge. 

You let out a shaky breath before moving your hands hesitantly to John's pants, watching for any sign of disapproval from him.

His eyes glance up to yours and he smirks again before moving up to the crook of your neck and licking at a spot idly, his hand never faltering over you.

You take that as a 'go ahead and touch my dick, dave, it's totally chill. all the cool kids are doing it.' And bite your lip as you unbutton John's jeans in a stupidly less smooth way than John did it and he can just shut the fuck up because you're actually doing this so he should be grateful and stop smiling you can totally fucking see him smiling as he licks at your neck that son of a bitch, shut up.

When the button is finally undone and you unzip his jeans, you take the hem of his pants along with his boxers and tug them down as he wriggles a bit to help you get them off.

And then you're faced with John's dick.

You don't think about it and you wrap your hand around it. He bites down on you then and growls slightly, and you let out a responding moan before you start pumping him, easily matching his pace.

You're jacking each other off, this is a thing that's happening.

His hips jerk slightly as he bucks into your hand, definitely less controlled than you but you don't mind at all or even really fucking care because he moves up again and your kissing again and you think you're moaning again.

And he's moaning back.

It does something to you when he sounds like that, and you kiss him harder and curl your tongue around his as the pace starts to pick up and you start to feel that familiar pressure building in you. John moves a hand to the back of your neck and his claws dig in as he presses harder against you, his hand moving faster and more erratically along you, and you think he's getting close too.

You wonder if you should say anything, but instead you vouch for losing yourself to this moment completely and basking in the fact that you're doing this and not freaking out.

Your thumb brushes briefly over his slit before you pump back down, and as you start to move up along his cock again he lets out this soft sound against your lips and he's gone.

And frankly, with the way he sounds and arches and his claws dig in further, you are, too.

Your mind blanks and whites and everything feels good and perfect and nothing is wrong at all and

And the next thing you know John's collapsed against you and panting, and hey would you look at that, so are you.

You slump back entirely into the bed, air rushing out of you only to get sucked back in, and John doesn't seem to be much better off.

Maybe because you sort of just sprung this on him.

And on yourself.

Shit, did that happen?

That happened.

John laughs breathlessly against you and curls better around you after a moment, and you just keep staring off into space.

It actually did happen, though.

You and John just pulled each other's taffy, you slapped each other's salami, fueled each other's rockets and blasted the fuck off, gripped each other's twinkies until the cream filling burst out, shook each other's dick-hands or... or something like that.

Shit, you've run out of analogies already.

Your head must really be having trouble wrapping around with one.

That just happened.

"Well shit," You mutter quietly to yourself under your breath, blinking just a bit.

John laughs more.

"You okay, Dave?"

"I don't even-- I don't even know, I mean we just--" You cut yourself off. "John, what the fuck are you doing."

He pauses, his hand inches from his face, tongue sticking out because he was just about to lick the spunk off his hand. He glances between you and his hand briefly, ears turned back a bit.

"... Cleaning." He says around his tongue.

"We can just get some kleenexes or something, jesus dude."

"But thith ith eathier." He replies.

"Put your tongue back in your mouth, you look and sound stupid."

He rolls his eyes at you for a moment before he just brings his hand closer and licks along his fingers, causing you to choke a bit and have to look away so he doesn't see the blush on your face.

He probably did anyways, but you ignore that thought and just do it to make yourself feel better.

After a few minutes, he's licking at your hands, too, which initially caused you to jolt a bit because the feeling of his tongue against you came out of nowhere, but you don't stop him and keep your attention elsewhere and just focus on how loud his purring is. He cleans what's on your chest, too, and you assume he does the same for himself before he's nuzzling his head underneath your chin and letting out this little purring meow as his arms wrap around you. You get all stupid and dumb and smile all big and curl your arms back around him as you pull him just a little closer and tug the sheets over the both of you, letting him settle so that he's resting against your chest and your hand is carding through his hair and keeping his purrs strong.

"Feel better, John?" You mutter after a while, chuckling a little as you do.

He doesn't really reply, just nuzzles against you again and licks a bit at you before letting out a soft mew.

"I'll take that as a 'hell yes, Dave, I'm feeling hecka fine now.'" You say, twirling his hair around your finger. "Well baby do I know it."

"Shut up, I wanna sleep." John says in a way that tells you he finds you absolutely ridiculous. You grin because of it and kiss his head before settling and closing your eyes.

"Wow, I do too, it's like we're connected or something."

"I said shut up, so shut up, loser." He mumbles back. You snort and nuzzle back against him.

"Love you, too, asshole."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me try and write smut haha that's embarrassing


	22. Uncompurrcated

"-- EARS!"

 

You let out a strangled sound as you jolt awake, flailing as the person beside you-- John-- lets out a loud and panicked meow and his claws dig in and scratch into you as he desperately moves closer and clings in the _most_ painful way he could manage.

 

"H-he has, he has the-- cat ears, he has _cat ears_!"

 

You let out a groan as you shift a bit to more easily pet John's hair to try and calm him down because he's actually kind of shivering against you and that just breaks your delicate little heart. You glance over to the door and try and give the best frustrated look you can manage over at Jade, who's standing in the doorway with her eyes looking absolutely ginormous.

 

"God damn it, Jade." You grumble, wincing a bit as John claws more and nuzzles closer against you to hide his face, ears pressed down against his head but you can still see them shaking. You keep carding your fingers through his hair with one hand while the other goes to rub soothingly at his back, hoping to all hell that you can somehow calm him down.

 

"Dude, it's just Jade. Shh, just Jade, okay? Just Jade."

 

"T-th-the ears and the-- he did a meow-y-- he did the-- cat-- _cat_ \--"

 

"Jade for fucks sake stop talking, it's not helping at all-- shit, John, shh, it's okay. I'm here, I'm here."

 

"Oh my god, wh-what is-- how long has he--?"

 

"Okay, I'm just gonna need you both to calm the fuck down right now because I seriously cannot multitask shit like this."

 

"B-but-- but didn't he go swimming?"

 

"Jade--"

 

"I thought cats hate water or-- or shit, is he a cat? Or is he just a cat-person hybrid thing?"

 

You wince again as John's claws dig in further.

 

"Harley, can you please just not talk for like two minutes so I can try and calm John down?" She responds by making a little sound in the back of her throat and balling her fists and bouncing a bit where she stands.

 

"Thank you," You say exasperatedly before you return your attention to John. You kiss the top of his head as you keep your fingers working through his hair and making sure to scratch behind his ears occasionally while you continue to rub his back.

 

His ears eventually start to lift a bit, and the shivering lessens. His claws even retract, and you get to hold back a small sound of pain as they draw out of you.

 

Yippie kay-fucking-yay.

 

Thanks, Jade.

 

You bury your face against the top of his head as he relaxes against you, and you even start to hear a bit of purring (score ten points Strider for kickass comforting skills).

 

"Better?" You mumble into him, and his claws draw back out momentarily again.

 

"She knows," He mutters back, muffled against your chest. You let out a long sigh and lift your head again to glance over at Jade, who's shifting anxiously on her feet over by the door, before looking back down at John.

 

"She's your friend. She's not going to sell you out for science or anything equally stupid."

 

John lifts his head cautiously, eyes flitting over to Jade.

 

"Umm... sorry?" Jade tries awkwardly, obviously extremely unsure what she should do in this situation.

 

"You're not going to sell him out so he can be dissected and his insides documented or anything like that, are you?" You ask her, raising an eyebrow.

 

She blinks at you.

 

"What?"

 

" _Are you_?" You restate, trying your best to nonverbally communicate the fact that your boyfriend is an idiot and actually thinks that's going to happen, so he needs some reassurance.

 

She seems to get it after what feels like forever, and shakes her head really quickly.

 

"No! No, I'd never do that." She says, ending slowly and slightly inflecting her voice upwards as if in question as she glances over at you, asking if she did good. You give her a short nod. She grins.

 

John is still watching her, his ears flicking back a tiny bit out of what you can only assume is suspicion.

 

You mentally roll your eyes.

 

"Really," Jade restates confidently, her eyes locking with John's. "I'm your friend, I wouldn't sell you out or anything like that, that's kind of really stupid."

 

"Hey, it's a real fucking concern!" John says defensively, snapping out in what you realize is less agitation as it is just him being scared and biting out because of it.

 

 

Wow, fuck you, Rose. You can totally do this observant shit, too.

 

 

Jade laughs a bit as she rubs at the back of her neck awkwardly and apologizes, eyes trained to the floor before they glance back up again.

 

At John's ears.

 

"So um... have you had them your whole life?" She asks nervously after a moment, and one of John's ears flicks a bit before he rests his cheek against your chest and nods a little, eyes flitting up to you briefly.

 

You actually do roll your eyes this time as you resume your job of running your fingers through John's hair.

 

His purrs start building up again.

 

"How long has Dave known?" Jade continues as she steps a little further into the room, saying it almost accusatorially.

 

That makes you smile a little to yourself.

 

She's pissed you found out first. She should have expected this seeing as you're kind of his boyfriend, but then again she _has_ known him longer, and they've always kinda been like siblings.

 

Haha, she jelly.

 

"Um... a while?" John replies cautiously.

 

She moves over to the bed and pauses for a moment.

 

"Are you purring?"

 

John blushes and his claws start digging in again. You resist the urge to make a stupid little sound of pain because wow fuck, his claws are brutal.

 

"Yes, Jade, that's a thing cats do." You helpfully contribute.

 

She starts to grin a bit as she leans over and moves her arm out, and you pause your ministrations to watch her as she starts scratching at where his ears would be if he was a normal human being.

 

John instantly leans into her hand and his purrs fluctuate a little louder, and you snort amusedly before you go back to petting his hair.

 

"Oh my god, how cat is he?" She sits down on the edge of the bed as she keeps scratching, her grin stretching ever wider.

 

"I dunno. I'm kind of pegging, like, at least maybe a third." You mutter, your hand smoothing down the hair at the top of John's head momentarily before you keep moving combing your fingers through.

 

She laughs a little, her hand shifting from the side of John's face to under his chin when he tilts his head back for her.

 

A small mewl slips out of him, and you start smiling along with Jade.

 

"I can't believe you hogged all of this, Dave, you are so selfish!"

 

You laugh, wrapping your arms around John and tugging him closer so that he automatically curls up on your chest. Jade shifts closer to keep scratching and petting, looking like a kid at the petting zoo.

 

"Does Rose know?" She pipes up after a moment, glancing up at you.

 

You shake your head a bit as you let out a breath.

 

"Naw, John's too paranoid about the whole thing. He keeps thinking you or Rose or both of you are gonna sell him for science or something like that."

 

"S'a valid point," John mumbles against you, his words almost drowned by his purrs.

 

"Actually, it's the stupidest point you've ever fucking made. It's not even a point; it's like a blunt stick you're just waving around like an idiot while your parents scream at you to put the goddamn thing down before you poke your eye out."

 

"S'like you're stupid." He shifts closer, burying himself further against you.

 

"That's a low blow."

 

"You guys are such big dorks." Jade says fondly, and you roll your eyes before you bury your face against John again.

 

"Jooooohn, she called me a dork." You whine fakely, and you hear Jade laugh a little.

 

"Poor baby." John replies oh so sympathetically.

 

The dick.

 

She just took a big chunk out of your dignity and all he has to say is 'poor baby'. What a piss poor excuse of a boyfriend.

 

 

"You guys are naked, aren't you."

 

 

It comes out of nowhere, and somehow you barely even blush at it.

 

"I appreciate the fact that there's a lot of bed sheet between me and your dicks and all that, but could you maybe, like... put on some boxers, or...?"

 

"Does my dick offend you?" You ask, eyebrow raised over at Jade.

 

"I'm just saying the dicks around me should probably be like, you know, controlled. Also, You guys fucked within the walls of my house, so I think you better give me my basic human rights in exchange for me practically getting you laid."

 

"Handjobs, Jade. I didn't see any lube anywhere and I wasn't about to risk it." John mumbles, and that's what causes your face to burst into flames.

 

"Okay darlin’, time to shut the fuck up."

 

He laughs sleepily against you, nuzzling more against your chest in some twisted delusion of innocence.

 

You see through his disguise. He can't fool you. You're stone cold heart will resist his cute little purrs and nuzzles. You will withstand his tiny ear flicks and head nudges. You will not be fazed by his unnaturally huge-ass eyes, you won't give two shits when he does tiny little meows, you don't care that he's curling up right against you and you can feel his chest vibrating against yours from all his purring oh god, he's like a fucking human heater he's so warm and his head is nuzzled right under your chin fuck fuck fuck, mayday, mayday, going down, we're going down.

 

"That's got to be the dumbest look I've ever seen cross your face, Dave."

 

You grab a nearby pillow and toss it at Jade, but she just catches it and laughs as you bury yourself down lower against John in an attempt to hide your face.

 

"No but seriously, guys, put some pants on." She says, laughing a bit.

 

"We're gonna."

 

"Oh yeah, with your magic mind powers you're going to magically get your pants on!"

 

"I'm sorry, do you wanna be in here to see us shed the only cover from our naked bodies and watch the swing of our dicks as we stand to go and get our boxers from when we were caught in the midst of passion and they were tossed carelessly to the side?" You bat your eyelashes innocently.

 

Jade pulls a face and stands, tossing the pillow in her hands back onto the bed.

 

"Point taken, geez." She stands up, brushing her pajama pants off before heading to the door.

 

“There’s cereal downstairs, too.” She says as she leaves, shutting the door behind her.

 

You let out a little breath, relaxing a little more where you are.

 

“… We’re not seriously getting up now, are we?” John asks after a moment, and your eyes flit back down to him before you smile.

 

“What kind of idiot do you take me for?”

 

“Is that an actual question? Because I don’t think you’ll like the answer.”

 

You snort, hand back onto his head to keep petting him as you (as inconspicuously as possible) nuzzle gently back against John.

 

“Yeah, yeah, keep chuckling, wiseass.”

 

There’s another brief pause filled only with the sound of John’s purrs before he lifts his head slightly to meet your eyes.

 

“So you won’t mind if I go back to sleep?”

 

“If you didn’t at this point, I would be offended.”

 

He smiles dumbly before he sets his head back down and his purrs slowly rise again.

 

Yeah.

 

Yeah, this isn’t half bad.

 

 

You think you could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, there we go, this is the end!! i felt bad for leaving things open and considering when i stopped writing i stopped halfway through the next chapter, i decided i'd refine it a bit and brush it up for a semi-fitting end of this train wreck.
> 
> still can't believe this is my most popular fic goddamn.

**Author's Note:**

> woah okay this got more notice than i thought it would :o  
> if you guys have any suggestions or requests, please let me know!  
> i got stuck quite a few times writing this, so any ideas or comments would be greatly appreciated  
> also you can go check out my tumblr and such if you want (COUGHitsalljohndaveCOUGH) http://strideroar.tumblr.com/  
> also now i have a blog specifically for writing so there's that too http://stridipshit.tumblr.com  
> updates won't be all that regular so please be patient!


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